Little bits about my life...

When Have I Done ENOUGH?!

2010-10-14T12:23:00.000-07:00

I come into work most mornings around 10am, maybe 11am depending on traffic and which bus I was able to catch on time. I work my ass off! I do my very best to manage my time appropriately and work at all times to make sure my work is not only good, but GREAT! I take photos at events, upload them onto servers, edit what needs to be edited, do posters, advertise, and guess what? I do all of this ALONE! I have a co-worker, but that co-worker is never there to help me! I keep working and working and doing my very best, but no one listens when I say "she never assists me!" or "she isn't helping me!" I have had some people notice my stress level, because it is rising so high, and right now, I cannot seem to do anything about it. Its like the more I try to not be stressed, the more stressed I get. Along with school and all 400 level classes, this job is killing me! I have looked for other work though, and there is none. I keep on thinking about what I could possibly do to improve my situation, and I can't think of anything. I already spoke to my boss regarding my co-worker, but she went out of town today and was unable to talk to my co-worker about her performance, or rather lack of, at work. When have I done ENOUGH? When will everyone around me see I am stretched to my limits and not able to stretch any further? They just don't seem to understand.

A Picnic With The Japanese Exchange Students

2010-08-22T20:54:00.000-07:00

I was invited to a picnic at the beach with the Japanese exchange students who are in town from Sapporo Japan. It was so much fun! I arrived at the school to take the bus to the lake where the picnic was going to be, and everyone divided up into two vans because one van was going to be picking up some people from a local mall. I rode over with a girl named Nami and two crazy boys who had a video camera and filmed everything. Nami and I talked a lot, I wanted to help her practice her English. She speaks English fairly well, and we talked a lot about various subjects. I showed her churches and she explained that they have more temples in Japan than churches. I explained that we were going to the country for the picnic, and that she had been in the city for most of her visit in the USA.

It was our van that was to pick up the extra people, and at the mall, five old Russian women loaded into the van. They could have been my grandma's friends! Haha! They talked and talked for the rest of the trip, and the quiet van we had been in quickly got loud. Nami and I huddled together to talk more, and the van quickly began to smell of old perfume and potato pancakes. Nami shook her head and laughed when she realized all of this was happening.

When we arrived at the lake house that the picnic was going to be at, we were greeted warmly by the owners, who had set everything up for us to use. They had a changing area so we could change into swim suits, an outdoor bathroom, a storage area for water toys, and two boats that were located just off the dock we would be jumping in off of to go swimming. The boats were a canoe and a boat that you had to peddle to make it go. Nami didn't want to get wet, neither did Naomi, but Yukari, who came later with her host family, brought a pair of pants she didn't mind getting wet. I forgot a swim suit, but the owner of the house gave me one to use while I was there.

Yukari and I made it our goal to get Nami wet, but Naomi told us she couldn't swim and didn't wish to get wet, so we respected her wishes. The boys all had a great time in the water. The paddled out into the middle of the lake many times, even tipping the boat and soaking themselves a few times. Jen, the other American girl who came with the group, took a lot of pictures. I took a few with my phone, but my camera is breaking down after 5 or so years.

Around 5pm, after swimming a lot and eating ice cream delivered from the ice cream truck, we went to a petting zoo that had lamas, ducks, chickens, sheep, goats, a bull and goats. When we pulled up, I shouted "dinner!" and pointed at all the ducks and chickens. The students all shouted dinner after that too, and laughed a lot. Naomi practically jumped into my arms the whole time we were there. A huge shetland sheepdog was also there, and he got really close to her and she hid behind me. The dog was bigger than Naomi, so I understood why she was frightened. I hugged her and told her not to be scared, but she kept holding onto me. She was also scared of the lamas and only took a second to touch the babies before the mothers came and scared her away. Nami touched every animal and took her picture with all of them.

After the petting zoo, we headed back for food, and everyone ate burgers and hot dogs and salad. It was delicious. More pictures were taken, and, after attempting to get Nami wet again, we finally grabbed a squirt gun and got her fairly wet. Naomi played badminton with the boys and Jen, and Gary, the third American to attend, took photos.

Mr. Tanaka, the English teacher, seemed to enjoy watching everything a lot. Eventually, we roasted marshmallows over a fire, and he really liked this American tradition.

On the ride home, I sat with Naomi and we talked about Japan. She told me about her city, and how it is about the size of the city she has been staying in. She told me she lives with a woman who has a daughter who is at college in a different state, so she had a spare room and is hosting her. The woman also has a dog. She told me she loved shopping here, but her favorite part of the trip was talking with me! I was so happy she had enjoyed talking, and I enjoyed her friendship. I found out that she has a boyfriend, who she misses a lot, as well as a few friends she is close to and missing as well. She and Nami work at a restaurant called "Surprise Donkey". We looked at lots of pictures on Naomi's phone of Japan, and she told me about her group of friends and everything. Naomi and I cuddled a bit on the ride back to the school, and we swore we would always be friends, even shaking on it. She told me she likes my personality and feels safe with me, and I took pride in that.

As we walked down to the bus stop, I worked with all of them on their English, correcting any sentences that needed correcting and helping them speak properly. They were all happy about that, especially Matsuda, who is really working hard on that. Such nice kids! I am going to miss them greatly when they go back. I will give them all my card and let them know they can e-mail me any questions they have about English. I will miss Naomi the most, no doubt, but it gives me a reason to go to Japan! Such sweet people.

However, personally, I have found that I do not get along well with the girls from Tokyo. I have met three girls so far, and all were quite rude to me! Ayaka was a total bitch when I asked her simple questions, like how long she had been here and if she enjoyed it here so far, responding with: "a long time!" and "I wouldn't have stayed if I didn't!" She has evil eyes too...they scream of 'I am hot and I know it and I will treat you poorly!' The other two girls from there are Miho, who only finds me if she needs something, a trait I find very rude, and Yuko, who never really talked to me and seemed shy, but also didn't open up when I used my usual techniques to attempt to get her to talk and open up. Naoki, our only male exchange student last year, was very nice and from a town outside of Tokyo. He dated our German exchange student Anna, but it didn't last when they each had to return to their countries.

So...That has been my experience so far! Yukari and Nami both want to stay longer, as do many of the guys. Naomi misses her parents, boyfriend, older sisters, and nephew very much! Her older sister just had a baby boy and she loves and misses him. She enjoys being an aunt a lot. They are all just so sweet and I would love to get to know them better.

I think I have found my calling: I want to get my MA in Education and work as an International Coordinator at a local college. I love these kids, and working with them and helping them has been so rewarding! I am blessed to have gotten to know each and every one of them!

My brother and his girlfriend are idiots!

2010-07-23T15:24:00.001-07:00

My brothers girlfriend:
"Who is Joan of Arc? Is she Noah's wife?"
"Doesn't the Easter Bunny lay eggs that have chocolate in them?"
"I can't get pregnant from kissing, can I?"

Conversation between my brother and I:
My brother: "Carissa...I'm lost in Mongolia!"
Me/Carissa: "It's called Magnolia! Mag-nolia...Its a part of Seattle. Did you fail geography?"
My brother: "Yes and I also failed gym class...Can you please help me get home?"

My sister and her boyfriend...well...all they ever do is makeout...everywhere...all the time...its nasty!

A Memory From When I Was Twelve

2010-04-10T14:06:00.000-07:00

I remember being twelve years old, and more than anything I wanted to escape my parents. I come from a home where my mom and dad are very loving and at the same time, very protective. Due to being the eldest of three children, I have always been the "responsible one". But when I was twelve, my cousin Rian got married, and we went down to the area between Los Angeles and San Diego for the wedding. For some reason I don't recall the name of the area exactly, just that it was really hot and really wonderful. The change of scenery was great because up here in Seattle, it is always raining and freezing COLD.

A few days after the wedding, my relatives, all the members of my father's family, wanted to go and ride quads and dirt bikes in the desert. I remember thinking of how I really wanted to ride alone on one of the quads at least, so I begged and begged when we got there. One of my older cousins, Kira, had a very small quad that didn't go too fast and had an easy to work brake on it, so my dad finally relented and let me ride that. (she had a back-up that she preferred anyway)

I rode it with him at first, me riding in front and him showing me how to work everything while I attempted to drive it. Eventually I got really good, and that was when he let me go on my own! The freedom I felt while riding alone was amazing! The wind in my hair because at this point in time, no one saw the need for helmets, and the smell of the desert heat and freedom were in the air. I was SO thrilled to be out there!!!

I rode this a ton until I got nice and comfortable with it, and then my cousins told me that I was going to fast without the helmet and would need to put one on, for my safety. So I did, and we all went off of jumps out there over and over and over again. I watched my cousins Brian and Brett on their dirt bikes and admired their courage. I wanted to be that free and fearless someday. But for now, light jumps off of small sand dunes would do it for me.

I saw a slightly bigger than normal sand dune, and I attempted to jump it. My cousin Kenny told me it was not a good idea, that I could seriously hurt myself on it, but I was twelve and naive and invincible. So I went over to it, attempted the jump, and ended up with the heavy quad on my back. For a few seconds, I was stunned. I was invincible...RIGHT!? Wrong! I most certainly was NOT! I couldn't get the darn thing off my back and my cousins had to come and rescue me. I was frustrated at myself for crashing, for not adhering to my older cousins advice and continuing with the small jumps, but I learned a valuable lesson: take things nice and slow and learn. I should have done that from the start, and I had begun to, only to get cocky and think I could handle something way more than I could. Also, I should have listened to my older wiser cousin, who knew what he was talking about when he said I could get hurt on it.

Back at the camp, they were building a bon-fire. Everyone was sitting around it relaxing, the younger kids and the dogs close by. I remember it getting partially dark out, and we all just grabbed a dog as our pillow and watched the stars come out. I grabbed a dog named Bear! Ha ha! The "grown-ups" as we called them back then began to drink and party and the night drew to a close, all of us sleeping there, under the stars in the desert. I still remember the smell of the perfect sand, and I long for another desert night of fearless freedom like that. To be twelve again and relaxed and care-free.

I always tell people "I was made in the desert on the back of a motorcycle" and anyone who knows my parents knows this is probably true. My mom had her quad and my father his dirt bike, and together, they were one of those fearless crazy couples who, like me, enjoyed their freedom in the dunes.

Hope you enjoyed that!

Shopping...AHHH!

2010-03-07T00:16:00.000-08:00

I am so gay…I hate shoe shopping…and I am writing this while slightly buzzed…hehe!

So…I am going to an Oscars party with my mom that requires me to “look pretty”, and she wanted to go to Macy’s and pick out our outfits. My moms best friend Karen came along, and she and my mom had me trying on all sorts of stuff. Now my gf really wanted me to get a red dress, and just as I walked in, I saw the perfect one. I picked it up and tried it on, but it just didn’t look good. I am 5’2” mind you, so most dresses are sooooooo long, and this one was…Like way too long. It was so long it took my mom and Karen pulling it to get it off of me. After that, mom brought me a pile of black skirts to try on. The first one was frilly, the second one was long and regular, and the third one was an older lady style. I of course got told how darling I looked in the first one and that is what I got along with a black camisole and an overcoat.

Next it was shoe shopping! Now, I must tell you that I HATE SHOES THAT ARE GIRLY! I hate heels, I hate half shoes, I hate shoes that are not converse, boots or doc martens…I am gay! But I got stuck with flats that have a slight heel on them, and they totally match this outfit perfectly! But it took a lot of shoving of my feet into these shoes, because they were $22.50, and the last pair of shoes that were that price…anyways! I got them.

Afterward, we went to Mexican food and I got drunk on a Pina Collada and ate a bunch…So much I felt sick! My bro and his gf got all mushy and gross in front of me and I had to keep quiet about being gay while they grilled me on what kind of sex I have had and all that good stuff…And I just giggled and kept my mouth zipped! That is none of their business! Lol. But I did state very matter-of-factly that I did want to adopt from India! Then mom talked to my bro and his gf about how they need to get married by our family friend Dana, who is a pastor, and then Karen looked at me and whispered “I wonder if he does gay weddings…” and I couldn’t stop laughing.

And then my bro farted all the way home care of the beans he consumed at Mexican food…Awesome! Lol. My sister is so drunk at the moment…She wanted to wrestle with me and knocked me down and then jumped on her boyfriend and I don’t even wanna know what happened after that. Yeah!

My gay/bi in Hollywood speculations...

2010-03-03T22:57:00.000-08:00

So, this is just me speculating! Nothing here is fact...Its all my personal thoughts!

I think the following celebrities are gay/bisexual:

Men:

Keanu Reeves: Bisexual

Kevin Spacey: Gay

George Clooney: Bisexual

Rickey Martin: Bisexual

Robert Patinson: Bisexual

Zack Efron: Bisexual

Justin Timeberlake: Bisexual

JC Chasez: Bisexual

Ryan Seacrest: Bisexual

Tom Cruise: GAY...Katie Holmes is his beard and I have a feeling Suri is actually Chris Kline's baby!

Women:

Ellen Page: Gay

Kate Moening: Gay

Jorja Fox: Gay

Queen Latifah: Gay

Missy Elliott: Gay

Jessica Biel: Bisexual

Piper Perabo - Bisexual

Emmanuelle Chriqui - Gay...She is always the cover for the gay men in Hollywood..."dated" Lance Bass.

Heather Graham: Gay

Kristen Stewart: Gay

Nikki Reed: Gay

Rachel Shelley: Gay

Diane Keaton: Gay

Bollywood Women:

All of these women could go either way...All are SINGLE at the moment of this post!

Sushmita Sen

Archie Panjabi

Sheetal Sheth

Shelley Conn

Funny day...

2010-02-19T16:06:00.001-08:00

Most mornings I hate getting up, I mean, come on! I am your typical queer 21 year old female. The things on my mind consist of women...sleep...women...sex...etc. You get the picture! Anyway...My alarm went off and I was like "No...Noooooooo....Its too early!" But it wasn't...My meeting was going to start in an hour and if I didn't get ready fast, I was going to miss it.

I crawled out of bed and grabbed the first outfit I could locate, jeans and a bright red polo, dressed, and then proceded into the bathroom to do something with my insanely messy hair. NOW...Being that I have always had Dana Fairbanks like hair, I threw it into the sporty ponytail and did as little makeup as possible. Blah blah and I was off to the bus stop.

By the time my third meeting rolls around, I am running on three cups of coffee and what little food I can afford in this WONDERFUL recession. I walk into the office and see this attractive as all hell female joining my co-worker Morgan..."This is my sister Kaitlin!" She introduces me.

"H-Hi!" Oh God...I must have sounded like the BIGGEST idiot and looked like one too, but DAMN! Morgan is like the most butch female ever however she is totally straight...Its strange!

Wei, my co-worker from China looks at the sisters and says what everyone is thinking: "She is your sister Morgan?" Wei asks.

"Yup!" Morgan replied proudly.

"Wow...She is so much prettier than you!" Wei stated seriously. We all burst out laughing and laughing. Wei then proceeded to defend herself: "No...Morgan is just so...Manly and her sister is so...Girl..." By this point Wei didn't know what else to say so she just walked away, her face a bright shade of red.

So my friend Michael, who has never chaired a meeting in his life, was asked to chair a meeting today. Most of the people attending were there only because well, the committee really has no official members...so we just attended. It was hilarious as we all went off on tangents about what we were supposed to be discussing and by the time we were supposed to be done, we just kept going and going...It was almost two hours of INSANITY! Matt, one of our co-workers, came in with a long stretchy sticky thing and started flinging it around, to which many papers started flying around the room. Now, I have just a bit of OCD, so I ended up really not liking how covered in dirt that thing was and avoided it like the plague, until everyone else playing with it got the better of me and I decided I just had to get ahold of it. Now, everyone at the office knows how much I abhor that THING...But still, I had to prove that I COULD touch it, so I took it from Matt and flug it across the table, causing everyone to laugh their asses off at me! "See, you CAN touch it!" Michael stated.

I smiled proudly...Yes...Yes I can touch some germy thingy...hahaha!

And that was my day...It was funny and crazy and yeah...lol...

More love knowledge...

2010-02-19T15:01:00.000-08:00

Some stereotypes on love and advice as well. Also, STEREOTYPES ARE BAD...lol. But they are funny...So enjoy!

STEREOTYPES:

Love from the STRAIGHT FEMALE perspective: He is so physically attractive and he gives me just enough attention and calls just the right amount of times a day/week that I am satisfied fully. Also, his abs are fantastic and he kisses so well. Oh yeah, and the sex was nice...not just NICE, but NIIIIICEEEEE!!! I just must be in love with him. Maybe we will get married and have children together someday...

Love from the STRAIGHT MALE perspective: She is HOT...She is SEXY...The SEX was AMAZING...Did you see her LEGS? Did you see her ASS? Oh god I hope she doesn't call me because I really don't wanna ever have to THINK...I just wanna DO...You get what I am saying? I think maybe I am in love with her...no...I KNOW I am in love with her!

Love from the GAY MALE perspective: Wow! I want to stalk him so badly...Oh god! He was so dumb to have slept with me on date number (1, 2, or 3). Now I am just a bit obsessed. Maybe he will want to get together sometime this week and watch GLEE! And since I have his number, we can talk every single day of the week and maybe even have phone sex when we aren't having real sex. Oh that would be so awesome! I think I am in love with him and we have only met like 3 maybe 4 times!!!

Love from the lesbian perspective: We both like animals and the outdoors and we both dress the same way...We are just PERFECT for each other!!! Oh, have I mentioned how she loves to go and hug trees too? And we are BOTH vegan and health nuts and did I mention how neither of us ever wears makeup? Yeah! We just don't care too much about physical appearance! I am just SO IN LOVE WITH HER!!!

ADVICE TIME:

STRAIGHT FEMALES...(MALES...PAY ATTENTION):

Attention! Yes, that is CORRECT! Call them quite frequently and also text them WHENEVER THEY TEXT YOU. Women HATE to be ignored more than anything. You ignore a woman, and she will be ROYALLY irritated.
Don't EVER check out another girl in the presence of your current date/gf...EVER!
Cuddle time. Most women love to cuddle...ITS A FACT! So, be prepared to hug and hold her often.
The LITTLE things...Call her "honey" "baby" and "sweetie" often. Don't be scared to say "I love you" randomly if you have hit that point in your relationship. Compliment her often. If she is sick, bring her soup or something to help her feel better. Text her throughout the day to let her know you have missed not seeing her. Stuff like that will win a girls heart!
SOME but not too much chivalry. Hold the door for her, its only polite! Pay for meals ALL THE TIME. Even if she is a crappy date, PAY FOR HER because you are a gentleman.
No expectations about sex. NO expectations! When she is ready, she will give it to you. If your patient and prove to her that you can be and that its worth the wait to you, I guarantee she will love you EVEN MORE and be EVEN BETTER in bed! The guys that pressure the girls into sex get crappy sex or no sex because she probably slapped him for pressuring her!

STRAIGHT MALES (LISTEN UP STRAIGHT LADIES):

Don't call him too much. If he has a guys day or needs a day to himself, let him be!
Dress up whenever you are going to meet up with him. Men are very VERY physical creatures, and if you LOOK good, he will be a happy man!
Smell good! Put on a perfume you know he loves and he will also be a very happy man.
Don't be afraid to sit on his lap or show him affection. Most men love it. And a side note on that: gently biting the earlobe of any man will cause him to feel aroused!
Compliment him often on how good he looks. Most men don't like to admit it, but they do take pride in their good looks!
Let him pay...Its his job and more often than not, it makes him feel like a man to be able to take care of you.

GAY MALES:

Compliments all the time.
MAKE SURE THE GUY YOU ARE ASKING OUT TO COFFEE IS ACTUALLY GAY BEFORE YOU ASK HIM OUT...ALWAYS MAKE SURE...BE DIRECT IF NECESSARY!!!
Talk about how your going to divide the bill in advance. Don't make it all on one or the other of you...
Smell good...Its a must!
Look good...Because ALL men are physical creatures, even gay ones!

LESBIANS (and a lot of just general things to remember...):

Like with the gay men, bill division should be discussed in advance. I can't tell you how many dates I have gone on and I don't know if I am supposed to pay or if she is or what the deal is...Talk about it first!
Be yourself. How do you normally dress? If you are into cross-dressing, go for it! Be more masculine if it makes you feel good or more like yourself.
Don't look at ANY other girls while you are on your date. I know its hard, because you are currently on the market and searching...But seriously...The girl you are on the date with COULD be THE ONE.
Don't pressure her into moving in together too soon. Yes, it WILL freak her out!
Don't carry your dog every or take him/her on every date with you. Its annoying!
Don't talk about ANY past relationships...Unless asked, and even then, don't get too stuck on the subject.
When you feel comfortable, make the first move. Hug, kiss, hold hands, cuddle...if the moment is right, go for it! You will just feel it when the moment is right.
Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy...Don't hide things or be secretive because that is how relationships end!
Make sure she has no food allergies and is not a vegan before taking her to certain restaurants. Just check first...Had this problem before too....

ADVICE TO ALL: No expectations, no disappointments! HAVE FUN! ENJOY! GET TO KNOW PEOPLE!!! Eventually you WILL meet THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU...DO NOT RUSH THINGS...There you go! =)

After dating BOTH...Here is what I have in the way of advice!

2010-01-20T16:30:00.000-08:00

Here is the best advice I can offer after having dating both genders...

1. Learn to love YOURSELF first. You might be thinking: I already love myself. But honestly, no you don't. When was the last time you went for a walk with yourself and just thought about what you want out of life or even out of a partner? Seriously...Do that BEFORE you dive into dating.

2. Be careful about who you decide you should meet up with. Some of these people online are freaky! Some people in real life are creepy...

3. If they say they are bipolar, not to be mean to that community, but if your NOT, be VERY VERY careful. Stalker freaky types...Had a few bad experiences there!

4. Don't change yourself for anyone...

5. Don't be afraid to break things off if your not feeling that spark for the person. You might say "Well, I am just too nice to do that..." well, don't be! Grow some ovaries and dump them!

6. Don't let ANYONE control you. Not your parents, not the person you are dating, NO ONE!

7. If looks matter to them more than who you are inside, then end it RIGHT AWAY. Most men are this way. If your HOT, your in! They will keep you forever. They would rather have a hot girlfriend now than a smart one later. Their loss because the smart ones are the ones who can support them if they get laid off from work, they are the ones who will still love them even when the dude needs Viagra, I mean...Come on! But honestly, men are pretty shallow.

8. Just let it happen. I have learned this from experience. I have been an idiot and wanted to rush things, but seriously, just let love happen!

9. If you two don't have the same goals, morals and values, it's not worth it. Put them in the friend zone ASAP. I had a date who was on welfare, poor as dirt, had no real goals in life and it just felt wrong to me to even consider dating her because I am totally looking for someone who is looking to get a REAL job, who has GOALS, and who would like to travel with me in the next two years. I told her I was sorry and it was OK for us to be friends and nothing more.

10. Talk about who is paying for what on the "date" in advance if you are going with a WOMAN. It just makes things much simpler.

11. Make sure you know your dates allergies...I found that out the hard way! Poor boy was allergic to fish and I had eaten sushi right before...Well...Yeah! Anyways, that was awhile back...

There you go!!! My best advice to all of you!!! ;) Good luck!!!

More Romantic Experience And Advice

2009-12-27T04:29:00.000-08:00

Wow! Well, let me just tell you a bit of what I have learned about WOMEN...

1) They are extremely confusing. That's right, they are confusing! They will mess with u, they will not text you for days and days, they will hurt you, you will become confused by them, you won't know what to get them or if you should get them anything for Christmas or whatever, it's all just so confusing, ESPECIALLY if you are a girl dating a girl.

2) Don't be afraid to open up. That's right, OPEN UP! Don't be closed off, especially to women. They can tell...

3) Don't move too fast. Just let things happen. Don't try to force ANYTHING.

THINGS TO REMEMBER...

1) If you get broken up with, you will bounce back! That's right, you will be okay!!! You might not feel like it at the time, but you will.

2) One or two or even three dates does not make someone your girlfriend, so don't take ANYTHING to mean more than that unless specified otherwise.

3) That wall that you put around your heart should stay there until you have declared that you two are together for good, then you can take it down!

4) It's not your fault. Remember that! If someone says "I don't feel a connection with you..." or "I just don't think we're right for each other..." it's nothing that you could have fixed. Some people just aren't meant to be.

5) Don't obsess. Just be patient. If you sit at home being creepy...looking at all her pictures, waiting for her to come online, etc. it makes you appear needy! Go and do stuff in your life and once she sees that she is not the center of it, she will want to be and she will call/text you and ask for a date/a get together.

6) Appearances are not everything! Who the girl is on the inside is really all that matters, so as long as YOU like who she is and have no problem with how she looks, nothing else matters. Society teaches us that looks ARE everything, but go above society and learn to love WHO the person is and not how they look.

7) You can't control anyone. Period. You can only control you.

8) Sex isn't everything, and it only becomes part of the equation when you let it. Take your time and make sure you want to really be with someone before sleeping with them.

9) All things worth having take time: Sometimes this means waiting awhile before you date, before you become someones boyfriend or girlfriend, etc.

10) You matter too! Often, we get so caught up in who we are seeing/dating/being the boyfriend/girlfriend of that we forget about ourselves. Your important as well...Don't forget that!

There you have it...My advice...

An Update On My Life!!!

2009-12-02T23:47:00.000-08:00

It all started when I joined the website http://www.okcupid.com/. This site is a dangerous addiction that I must confess, I go on way too much. While I have made two friends from the site, (Allie and Holly, who I would like to hook up with each other.) and I reconnected with Nichelle care of it as well, I have found myself being "winked" at by a lot of very femme lesbians. However, I have met one who has really caught my attention. We talked all night for like four hours, and we just connected. =) I have a date with her Sunday and I am so excited for it. She is just so sweet and I cant wait to finally get to know her better.

Then there is the 30 year old from San Diego. She flies up here, to Seattle, for business about every five weeks, and it seems like she wants to be my booty call or mrs. robinson, but she is single. Haha! I don't know what is going to happen there. She is attractive and adorable, but the problem is that I get the feeling she wants someone more mature, and I am just not there yet. Oh well! A friend...=)

And then there is this Jenny girl in my class, and she looks at everyone like she hates them almost all the time. Its confusing, but she really looks like she hates me. I don't get it! I had the strangest dream the other night about her and all of this. I confronted her in class, when we were on a break, and she was like "I don't hate you. Come over here." So I went over to where she normally sits in the class and she grabbed me, pushed me up against the wall and kissed me. When we finally stopped, she was like "You just make me wanna..." and she couldn't finish it because she just kept looking at me all funny and I didn't know what to say. So I just said "Well you should have said something earlier...I am afterall a single lesbian." And she laughed at that and said "well now what?" And my dream ended. Strange!

Thats basically all that is going on with me. Mother wants me to stop dating women...She is unhappy about it, but thats fine...I don't care! lol. It was crazy though. My sisters friend Peter is the first male I have been attracted to in like 2 years. Its creeping me out! I dont really want to do him, but I would like him to be a sperm donor when I do want a baby...hehehe! Is that so wrong?

Hope you enjoyed that!

What Is All This???

2009-11-25T23:25:00.000-08:00

So, it has been a crazy last couple of weeks. My cold finally ended and I ended up having a lot of homework to catch up on, but I managed it! =) However, once it was all cleared up, things started looking up for me in the "dating department"!!! Woohooo!!! Well, okay, things improved.

This girl I like, we will call her N, she and I have been doing a lot of talking on the phone and texting. She is a total player, a Shane type in fact, and I should totally stay away, but I am just drawn to her for some reason. She has a crazy past, but she has changed a lot and I am proud of her for changing. We ended up going to see New Moon together on the 21st, and it was a lot of fun. It started off with us going to sushi, which was yummy. N was fascinated because the sushi goes around on a conveyerbelt and she had never seen anything like it before. We joked a lot during dinner and had a few good laughs.

Then, during the movie, we both agreed that Alice was amazingly hot and I tried to cuddle with her a bit. It wasn't so much that it didn't go well as its hard to cuddle in movie theater seats, but N made it clear that she has sworn off dating for the moment and we decided to view each other as friends until further notice. Its a crazy situation, I know!

After that, Monday rolled around and my French friend wanted me to meet up and help her with her English again. She was craving McDonald's, so after practicing English, we decided to go to McDonald's together. I remember when I found her outside in the smoking section, her blonde hair pulled back and her scarf pulled tightly around her. The way she smiled caught my attention right away and I was happy that she was happy to see me. But that same day, Jeff, this boy who is madly in love with me, came and tried to talk to me, her, and our Russian friend while we were practicing English. She looked slightly jealous and slightly confused as Jeff and I did what we usually do; flirt and mess around but know its meaningless because I am gay. As we joked about condoms and caused the married older Russian friend to blush, Jeff emptied out his bag and pretended like lotion was his favorite "lubricant". My French friend laughed uncontrollably and it was then that I realized how hard I was truly falling for her and completely by accident as well. Her face was so red, but my goodness was she beautiful. And as she stood, I wanted to beg her to ditch class and just spend time with me but...no...she had to go...and I would meet her for McDonald's later. And I did. And the conversation just flowed, like it always does for us, constantly talking and laughing. It was wonderful, and I fell even harder for her there. She showed me where she lived and she lives like four blocks from me....*sigh*....Thank you God!

But she is straight, at least according to her facebook page. The next day, Tuesday, she had a very bad headache and was in a slightly bad mood. She had ditched her morning classes and only made it to her 10am to 4pm classes, which was very unusual for her. When she sat down and relaxed finally, after two cigarettes and a coffee, I decided to give her a short back rub and she smiled greatfully, but still looked like her head hurt. I felt so bad for her and just wanted to take away all that pain she was feeling. I have only felt this way when I am falling for/in love with someone, and while it feels amazing, it also terrifies me because she could crush my heart at any point. I am also scared of her wrath; I never want to see her mad. I can tell she is one of those people who rarely gets mad, but when she does, its horrible. I will be a friend to her until I am positive about her orientation, and then, if she is gay or bi, I will make a move. She is afterall French...she might be bi! *crosses fingers* I have never had chemistry like that with anyone until I met her, so I am really hoping...lol.

And then there was today, my lazy day...I love my lazy day! I have done absolutely nothing but sit on my ass becuase school is closed due to the holidays! Woohoo!!! Its been nice.

My mom is trying to make a salad for tomorrow and everyone wants it to contain different ingrediants. Its funny because she wants it to be a traditional salad and everyone else is like "can't we just make our own?" haha! Oh well. I have this feeling that tomorrow she is going to try to be uber-traditional. Chances are it will be our last Thanksgiving together before we all get partnered up/married to people and move out and move on and all that. Mom is freaking out about it all.

My best friend Nino, who got married recently is pregnant. 7 weeks!!! OMG!!! I can't believe it! We were just kids ourselves when we first met and now she is having one...Wow! But I am so glad she is happy and I am so proud of her for making good choices and getting married and all that. At least one of us turned out...STRAIGHT! Hahaha! She still thinks I am...I don't know if I will ever tell her, it was afterall, her brother, that I first fell in love with in the way of men...I have never loved another guy like that. Even in all his vanity it was as if I had met him in lifetimes before...Thats another story! lol. Feel free to ask about that sometime! ;)

Alrighty...Hope you enjoyed that!

Ahhhh! I Should Have Stayed In Bed Today...

2009-11-06T18:16:00.001-08:00

Today I woke up and I was so sick I had to take a sick day at work. I was coughing and sneezing and just had this horrible cold that was making me feel like crap. But I couldn't get back to sleep due to my family being their usual loud selves, so I got up and out of bed after calling in sick to work and got on the computer.

I began chatting and all was going well, but it ended up that my friend Lyle was planning on trying to kill himself at noon. He told me about it and how he was going to and I freaked out and begged him not to. I told him I was going to call 911, and then my sister and I left in our PJ's to go to his apartment and try to stop him. He wasn't there! We freaked out and went to find him.

He was found in a parking lot after having taken a lot of pills. He was taken to a hospital nearby and we still can't visit him. I got asked a lot of questions by the cops. The cop that interviewed me was cute, so that was a pro!

Then, my sister took me to the school where I had to get a signature from either one of my teachers or the financial aid lady. Well, my teachers were not on campus so I had to go try to beg the financial aid bitch who ever so rudely told me NO and I told her that I hoped Karma came and bit her in the ass someday! I will find my professor Monday and get my damn loan money, but did the loan lady's attitude and saying NO really piss me off? YES! I had a fit outside and cried...I am just overloaded and ever-so-stressed and the fact that she treated me so...meanly...I just wanted to ring her neck! I have never felt like that toward someone...

My day has just been SHIT! I mean, I should have never gotten out of bed. If I had just stayed there, I would probably no longer have my cold, Lyle would have found out that you eventually puke up the pills if you take too many and I never would have been rejected to pick up my loan...Yep! I should have stayed in bed! Today has been the WORST DAY EVER!

Once again...

2009-11-05T11:00:00.001-08:00

Recently I have had the wonderful opportunity to get to know the French exchange student. Let it be said that she is straight and I am aware of this, but at the same time, being that I am not, it is so difficult for me not to like her. From her lovely brown eyes to her shoulderlength blonde hair, I cannot take my eyes off of her when I see her.

As it stands, I enjoy waking up early and arriving at school at 10am every morning so that I can help her learn English. More than anything I want to be there for her and get close to her, even if it does only amount to a good friendship in the end. Not everything has to be about dating...honestly! And since at the moment we are both single, why not get close as friends and see what can happen in the future? While I do not hold out any hope that I can "turn" her, I do hold out hope that she will keep me around as a friend.

My day today has started out a stressful one. No matter what the post time says for this blog entry, it is 11:00am here in lovely Seattle and already I am worrying about the fact that I have to be into work at 2pm and I am way late on an assignment that I am positive I cannot turn in now. My frustration is only growing with the amount of classes I have signed up for, however next quarter I have signed up for 2 BA courses and 1 Spanish class. Depending on the schedules of my friends I may change the time of my Spanish class, afterall, it is right in the middle of the day, 12:00-12:50 every day and being at that time makes it very inconvenient for me to get any work done and/or have any social life at all. I was going to meet the lovely French exchange student at 10:00am, but due to her class running late we could not meet. Needless to say I was disappointed, but we did talk about meeting up over the weekend and seeing a movie, so I am hopeful that she and I will become better friends.

This past week I have had a terrible cold, and on Tuesday I was starting to get over it, but then a horrible thing happened...JEFF! That's right, Jeff! Jeff is this obnoxious boy that I am somehow friends with and he is in love with me. He doesn't seem to understand what "I'm a lesbian and I will NOT date you!" means. Basically, he kissed me, yes, kissed me, full on, on Tuesday. I was not happy about it, but I joked with him because that is the type of person I am. However, he really wants to be my boyfriend and just doesn't get it that I am not at all attracted to him. I can't help it, I am just not! And since that kiss, my cold has only gotten worse instead of better. I must have gotten something from him and it combined with what I already had! Stupid Jeff...

But something that I have proudly figured out is that we cannot go back in time, we can only live in the moment and move forward. While often we wish that we could change something or relive an age that we enjoyed, we cannot. Contentment in the here and now is what I am working on learning. Loving who I am...that is what I need to work on. I still don't know a whole lot about myself. I know that I have no interest in men at all. I know that I enjoy writing and I am a hopeless romantic. I know that I have faith that the right girl for me is out there, and I will probably find her when I least expect to...

Life is a beautiful, wonderful gift, and we need to embrace every aspect of it. Friendship...love...the ability and opportunity to learn...everything! While my whole life I have looked to the future and been a total planner, I need to enjoy the moment, I need to savor each and every second of each and every day because one day, it will all be over! I don't know what happens once its all over, but I do know that I don't want to waste a second worrying anymore, I don't want to waste a second not loving anymore, I don't want to not be a good influence on those around me and I want to show them love and kindness and embrace all that they are. People are beautiful, and I am going to start just looking for the good and showing others my good side as well. I will expel any negativity and turn it into positivity. I will take any anxiety and turn it into good positive energy. I will do my very best not to fear the silly things I often do and I will overcome whatever obstacles stand in my way at all times. This is what I am going to attempt to do in both the present and the future. I cannot change my past, but I do have the ability to improve my future.

And as for the French girl, here is the story of how I got her phone number. On the Thursday before Halloween, we had a magician come to the school to do some magic tricks. His expertise is card tricks. He sat her and I down and dealt me the Ace of Diamonds and her the Ace of Hearts. He then said to me "I am going to send you her heart." and I replied, not taking my eyes off of the French student, "I get her heart huh?" and she blushed a bright red. Afterward, I got her phone number and we became fast friends. This was not the moment that we met however. I met her one morning in September when she was standing outside of the International Office. She had been talking very closely with one of the African male students and I was convinced for a very long time that they were a married couple. I asked her about it and she apologized but she did not speak enough English to answer what I was asking. A few weeks later, the blood donation van was here at school and we both went to give blood. Due to the fact that she has only been in the United States for four months, she is unable to give blood, but her friend Svetlana and I were both donating and she kept us company. It was nice. We all left together, but I took the time to really flirt with her and tell her what a nice smile she had. It was then that she told me that her boyfriend had broken up with her because he thought she had left France and him for an American boy. She had told him that she had not, but both of them did worry about the physical distance between them as well, and so the relationship had ended. She seemed bitter about the whole mess and told me that they had been together for two years. Two years is indeed a long time. That was when an inkling of hope that perhaps the lovely girl might be bisexual afterall, but I do not think she is. So, now all I get to hope for is friendship. My uncle told me a great saying. "Go in with no expectations and you will never be let down. Never assume anything because when you do, you end up making an ass/u/me (ass of u and me)." Its good advice, and I am going to use it for anyone I ever end up dating.

I hope that you all enjoyed this post. I feel my writing is improving, but at the same time I greatly dislike having to write as many papers as I have been lately. I am so tired, and I never get any time to sleep!

Devils, Angels, Vampires, Marines and Daniel Boone!

2009-11-01T23:05:00.000-08:00

My Halloween was a lot of fun. I woke up and I decided to invite EVERYONE from my phone over to my house for a party that was going to start at 5pm. I got a lot of "Maybe..." text messages back, which was frustrating at first, but I knew at least four people would come, and my sisters Marine friends were over, so that would make for quite a few people at the party.

My friend Allie, who was my first ever female "date" ever came over and she brought tons of good movies with her. We were planning on watching scary movies all night. I had really wanted the hot exchange student from France to come. She is currently mad at guys because her boyfriend broke up with her for moving to America because he thinks she moved here for a guy...His loss! I have a feeling French girls are very open minded and she might be interested in a relationship. I really like her a lot!!!

Anyways, we started the night by watching "Drag Me To Hell" which was TERRIBLE!!! My sister dressed up in her Angel costume and her friend Paula who is ADORABLE, dressed up as a devil. It was funny because Allie and I were both watching Paula just about all nite. I love Halloween!!!

My friend Ibar, who I went to high school with and used to work with came over later, around 8pm, and we watched "The Orphan" together. We also played "Rock Band" and Allie has an AMAZING singing voice. Everyone was wowed by her! She really has an awesome voice!!!

Then we made a beer run because my sister is only 18 and cannot purchase beer and I had to do it for her. Everyone gave me 20 bucks and I bought a bunch of beers. Ibar left shortly after that, I have a feeling because he has a giant crush on me and he heard Allie and I talking all lezzie. Haha! I told him I didn't like guys and never really had...He looked disappointed and asked me if I might ever go bi and I said probably not. We will always be friends though!

Later, the marines set up beer pong and we all played and it was a blast. My sister and Paula got all tipsy and did their usual "your hot...lets kiss!" kinda thing. It was funny! Gotta love 'em.

Allie started dozing off and so she left and then my Korean friends came by shortly after for a few rounds of beer pong. I am now going to explain the costumes to you:

Allie: Was a vampire. She had the teeth that you put on that look very real. It was awesome! I loved her costume.

2 of the Marines wore full camo gear and it was awesome!!!

One of the Marines wore a vampire costume as well and he even put in color-changing contact lenses that were totally awesome!!!

My sister Jenny was an Angel. She got her wings from Victoria's Secret.

My sister's best friend Paula was a devil...she is freakin' adorable!!!

Ibar was not dressed up.

I was wearing a Daniel Boone outfit complete with a raccoon hat and the leather moccassins! It was fantastic!

My mother went to work as a high schooler. Hahaha! She borrowed my sisters clothes. It was funny.

Once everyone was plastered, my sister and all her Marine boys started wrestling. Paula started making out with one of them. They brought out the hookah!!! I was tempted to try it but decided not to since I already wasn't feeling well and tobacco usually makes me feel even worse.

Overall it was an amazing party with lots of fun and crazy moments. My dad went to a different party as a blind man, so when he came home and was still in costume, he started annoying people and it was funny to watch.

I have been trying the whole dating thing and it has been terrible! I never wanna date again! Girls are so complicated and while they are beautiful, personality-wise, I always end up the friend and never the lover or whatever...UGH! I hate it. Oh well! Its life...

Thats my bloggggg!!! :)

Stressed...Depressed....And Out!

2009-10-25T01:10:00.000-07:00

For the last five months, I have greatly feared my parents finding out about my orientation. I have constantly deleted internet browsing history, avoided the topic at all costs and pretended like I was checking out guys and actors. However, it was a series of crazy events that lead up to me coming out.

On Sunday, October 18, I went to the movies for what would be my FINAL "date" with Holly. After everything, all she was feeling was friendship. I had done my best to be a perfect gentleman, to constantly take care of her, and after a long conversation about how it wasn't me and how she felt like we were better as friends and too much was going on in her family life to have a relationship, it was over. I was so depressed, I had never felt so sad!

I went in the house and looked really depressed. My family was onto something, but they didn't really talk to me about it. At school, I was sad and irritable all week. Sure, I was aware that she and I probably wouldn't get married, and that indeed her family was probably a majority of the reason we were not working at the moment, but still, I was down on myself about it.

I went to see my counselor Neera for an appointment on Wednesday and I just vented about everything. Neera is a 37 year old Indian woman from Mumbai who has a sexy accent and lovely chocolate brown eyes with think eyelashes. Neera basically let me talk my feelings out, and I came to realize that no girl was worth my tears and the one that is would not make me cry. That is totally something I should have realized on my own, from the start, but it took hearing a woman who has been through an arranged marriage tell me it for it to really hit home! A romantic Indian who knows that even though her parents picked her husband out, he still loves her and she still loves him. In its own right, it is romantic.

My uncle and I had spoken about my gayness on Wednesday, while we were watching TV. I told him everything and talked to him about my feelings. He told me that my parents probably already knew, but that he and my aunt would be supportive of me and we could all tell them together. I had been stressing about my orientation long enough, it was time I finally talked about it.

Thursday was a crazy day. My teacher is a hot lesbian who is a total veg. She is short and has blonde hair down to the shoulder and multi-colored eyes. The spinning ring on her left thumb gave away that she was gay to me right away, and I quickly became comfortable with her and in her class. After being told by Tatiana, the really hot Russian mom in the class, that I have a 'good energy', I was in a pretty good mood. I got home and I paced my room a bit and then I made the decision to come out.

I walked into the living room and told everyone sitting in there the truth. I had written a letter, and I am sure my mom has saved it somewhere, but none of them looked or acted too surprised. Mom told me that she had always known I was at least bi and that she would always view me as bi because a little part of her hoped I would marry a guy someday. She asked what would happen if I ended up with a woman long-term and we wanted to have children...would I be mother or father or second mom or what? I told her that it would be addressed when the time came, but that chances were we would both be mom.

I left for my trip to the state capitol of Olympia on Friday morning. Its about an hour drive from my house. I told the group I was going with that I had come out and they all told me how proud they were of me. Aaron, this guy who is a total redneck hick made me laugh a lot the whole trip. We talked about girls and just had a great time.

At lunch on Friday, we talked about how the rest of the trip was going to go. Basically, we would arrive at the hotel, check in, go to classes on what hearings would be like and then attend an actual hearing where we would then present a proposal to the legislature, or rather, two members of the legislature and the rest of the members were our advisors, like my boss Sheila. The room was crazy and I was so scared. I puked and then managed to do okay after that.

Once everything was over, I was glad to be getting home. I honestly was missing my family. Now, its Saturday night and my sisters friends from the marines are in town. My sister and her friend Paula are so drunk they were kissing each other and saying how they would be a good couple if one of them were a guy. Paula is now cuddling with one of the marines and my sister Jenny was wrestling with Paul, the guy she likes from the marines. The marine ball is coming up and the new joke is "can they find me a girl marine to take to the ball before then?" hahaha! That would actually be awesome. My brother is asleep in my sisters bed with his girlfriend because the marines are in the living room with my sister and Paula, my aunt and uncle are in the back room which is also my brothers room, and I am using my room. Ewwww! If I were my sister I wouldn't want to sleep in my bed ever again. lol.

Well, I hope you enjoyed that!

Insight Into Love...

2009-10-18T23:44:00.000-07:00

You know that school girl feeling you get when you meet someone you are physically attracted to? Well, Holly, the girl I had been kinda seeing was causing me to have those feelings. We went out three times this past weekend, and here is how it went.

1) On Friday night, I got ready and made myself look as good as I possibly could. I got a haircut and I got my eyebrows waxed and I was so excited to see Holly again. It had been two weeks since we had gone fishing, and I was so stoked to be seeing her again. My heart was in my throat. We were planning on meeting up with my friend Nichelle and her girlfriend Stacie at this pub, Mahooney's, but by the time we all arrived, the pub was packed! So we ended up going to Chinese food, which was good. Nichelle was high on something and hilarious. lol. I bought for myself and Holly and overall I thought the night went well. However, there was no hand holding or kissing or anything...She held back a lot.

2) She picked me up on Saturday night and we went to her Aunts house where she was dog sitting and we watched movies. We watched a scary one and cuddled a bit during it because I am easily scared, but that was the most we touched the whole time we were "dating." She even drove me home around midnight because she didn't want me to stay the night with her. I don't know what I was doing wrong...I tried to get her to talk intellectually with me, talked about tv and movies as well, everything! But she was just closed off.

3) We went and saw Whip It and I tried to hold her hand and she said it was awkward. Then I got a speech about how we are better as friends and we left it as that.

Am I confused? Yes! Is it okay? Yes!

Here is what I have figured out:

Your first "love" is not your last love.
Don't label yourself. Keep your options open in the love department and date date date! Don't be like "I'm gay" or "I'm straight" because your going to fall for the PERSON, not for the appearance/gender.
Nothing is the end of the world.
Never go backwards. Your exes are meant to be your exes, not your backup plans!
Don't change who you are for them. If they want you to change, stay friends and don't date!
Don't mess with religion/values. Those tend to be set in stone, so don't get a whole new set for the person you are seeing.
Take it one day at a time and keep smiling. Also, stay positive.

This is my advice!

The Beginning Of My Story...I Have 3 That Will All Eventually Get Posted Here

2009-10-07T21:52:00.000-07:00

1918 - Delhi India
Chapter 1

Raj Patel awoke bright and early on his wedding day. His parents had chosen his bride, but he had never met her. He hoped she was beautiful, but he had no idea if she truly was or not. At 24, he was still a young man. He had short black hair, a muscular build, and kind brown eyes that were flecked with gold.

The land he and his family farmed was owned by a one Thurgood Archer. Archer had married an Indian woman and was attending the wedding that would take place later that day. He was treated like royalty when he was in India. He divided his time evenly between both England and India and owned a lot of land in both.

Around 9:00am, he was taken to a preparation room. The ceremony wouldn't be until much later, but it was getting dressed that took a long time. After he was dressed, he exited the preparation room only to see the most beautiful woman he had ever seen dancing in the hall. He had never seen her before, but a huge part of him hoped she was his bride.

Her dark hair flew around her face, and her carmel colored skin was too light to make her fully Indian, but too dark for her not to be at least somewhat. Her eyes were color chaging and he was completely mezmorized by her. Where had she come from? Was she his betrothed? He hoped she was.

He approached her and joined her in dance, and she did not protest. She felt his lips against her cheek and she wanted him more than she had ever wanted anyone in her entire life. Of course, there had been that one girl at boarding school...but no, this was not the same kind of love as that had been!

Quickly, she exhaled the breath she had been holding and ran off, leaving Raj to look after her and wonder if she was indeed, the woman he had been engaged to. He wouldn't know until his bride was revealed at the ceremony.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sheena couldn't believe what had just happened, how her heart had felt like it was beating for someone else for the first time. She was so excited. But who was he? Was he the groom? Her heart sank at the thought.

He had danced so beautifully with her though, it had felt like it was just meant to be. And the way that their eyes had locked, she had never had anyone look at her like that before. Her father had asked her to dance at the wedding, so she had agreed to.

As the hour of the wedding approached, Sheena perfected her dance. She had been practicing it all week. At 22, almost 23, she was a real beauty. Her parents had been considering engaging her to someone, but she didn't like anyone they did.

The ceremony began, and Raj was so excited because he thought that Sheena was going to be his bride. However, once his brides face was unvieled, he was disappointed. She was not Sheena but a different woman...average...and her name was Kimaya.

But he smiled at her and pretended to be happy to be married to her. And when Sheena came out and was introduced by Thurgood as his daughter, Raj's heart sank. But the way she danced, with such fire and passion...He was in love!

And so, after his wedding night, which he only participated in out of duty, he made it his mission to locate Sheena. And he did. She was out in the fields, insisting that she could work alongside the men. And somehow, he found it so sexy that she wanted to work with all of them.

And as the men began to go home, Sheena took Raj's hand and led him into the field. She pushed him down and fell onto him. Of course, one thing led to another each and every time, but each time, they were careful not to go too far. Sheena didn't want to get pregnant.

And then one day, as Raj listened to Sheena's heart beat, one of their workers came and saw them together, and it was reported back to Sheena's father. "You what?!" Thurgood shouted at Sheena when she came and reported to him about it.

"I'm sorry father, it won't happen again." She looked at the stone tiles on the floor of the building to avoid making eye-contact with her father.

"Your right, it will NOT!" He shouted. "We are going back to England!"

"What?! No!" Sheena protested, but before she could even say goodbye in person to Raj, her father had them all packed up to leave. They had enough servants to do that for them.

Her letter to Raj read like this:

My Dearest Raj,

These past weeks together have been amazing and magical, but when that worker spotted us together, father decided we had to go back to England. You will always be in my heart, but you are married, and you have a duty to your wife. I love you still.

Love,
Sheena

She sent it with one of her servants, who made sure Raj got it and when he read it, he was completely depressed. How could this be happening? He wondered. But that night, for the first time, he allowed himself to be comforted by his wife. And they talked, and they became friends and they realized that they had a different kind of romance than the one that Raj had, had with Sheena....

The Start of my BA Degree and Autumn...

2009-09-25T23:25:00.000-07:00

Ever since starting my job at the bookstore, its like an alarm has been put in my head to automatically wake me up at 6am. My shifts almost always start at 7:45am, and I have to catch the bus at 7:30, so 6am is when I have to be up. However, on Wednesday I got scheduled a 12-6pm shift. I was able to sleep in a bit more than usual, which was nice.

As I was walking to the bus stop, I noticed how the leaves had begun to fall from the trees. The weather was slightly crisper than it usually is and the air smelled like a combination of various different trees in the area. My iPod was on as the bus pulled up and I noticed how there is no room in the bus to sit. That's when I realize that today is the day that the high school kids get out at 11:30 and this is the bus that they are on.

I suddenly worry about being late to work because these kids are stopping at EVERY STOP on the way to my work. Its driving me insane...

Anyway, Monday was the start of classes, and after a LONG day of work at the bookstore not to mention 300+ customers, I was headed to my class. On the way there I see Lindsay, and we talk briefly and she tells me that she is indeed bi but only looking for guys after her last gf broke her heart by cheating on her with a guy. I totally understood and she and I are friends now.

Class was boring as all hell and Elena came fashionably late as usual. However, she had on very little makeup and she looked exhausted. She later explained that she was so tired because she had been working a lot at a printing press.

Tuesday I went to the gym and met a hot girl named Krystal who is gay!!! I was so happy to find that out, and I gave her my number, so maybe she will call me someday. I told her she was beautiful...i find thats a way to a womans heart...and yes, I am ALWAYS honest when I say it! ;)

Class on Tuesday was boring. My teacher is the metro-sexual Jason, who loves to talk about his wife and kids and blah blah...and oh yes we are supposed to be learning something in there! I had forgotten.

Thursday was probably the best class day I have had yet because my teacher is hot and I get the gay vibe from her. She is short, like 5'1" tall and has shoulder-length blondish-brown hair. Her eyes are a kind brown and she is white. She is vegan and very earthy and on Thursday she wore a hippie-style shirt and kahki pants with sandals. She smelled like flowers, and I only know that because she came up to everyone and introduced herself as Laura. I like her!

Midway through Thursday I got called out of my job to go do a volunteer job that involved helping a disabled student use photoshop. It was easy and fun.

Friday was boring! That has been my week. I have a date Sunday...I will blog on that when I get a chance. Ciao for now!

CUSP Conference!!!

2009-09-11T18:22:00.000-07:00

Well, the last three days I have been gone, I have been at a conference. I went last year and it was BORING, but this year it was awesome!!! Lemme' tell ya about it!!! =)

So, just a summary of WHAT the conference is FOR, its for all of us who are in the school politics. We went to the small town of Wenatchee for it, and it was a great experience! The drive there took us about 3hours, which isn't too bad all things considering.

Well, all the colleges started to mingle and meet each other and talk and all and I spot someone...yes...A GIRL!!! Not just any girl though...a girl wearing a rainbow colored bandanna and dancing around to a song that one of the schools is performing.

The moment I saw her, it was like I knew right away that she was either gay or bi, and I had to talk to her further! So, after the first class that we all had to go and fall asleep...I mean listen to...I found her and we talked about so many different topics! The GSA,(gay straight alliance) how we both prefer not to have dogs or cats but would prefer big dogs, how we both like similar music, all of it! Her name was Becca.

We got along great, and we ended up hanging out all through the night, still getting along great. She told me about coming out at 14, so I had assumed she was gay and that got me sooooo excited, but it was all too quickly me jumping to conclusions, because I found out that she has a BOYFRIEND, yes, a BOYFRIEND, and I was devastated. I looked at her right as I heard her talking about her boyfriend and I said "you have a boyfriend?" and she was like "yeah." and I was like "ohhh...." and she saw how my face dropped and was like "awwww...." and looked at me very apologetically. So I asked her "are you bi then?" and she said "yes." she has been with her boyfriend for two years, but he lives far away from her in distance. I live in the same town and I already adore her and she knows it, and I noticed her looking at me and smiling quite a bit...Its something that I hope could get better over time, even if she and I just end up being friends, having a friend in the gay/bi community would be amazing!

Anyway, the next day, we hung out again and it was all good. That night, there was a dance. Now, I am here with some people from my school, let me give you their basics:

Matt: Married with kids and rather boring. Thin and looks like a mix between a seal and an otter. hahaha!
Sasha: Single with one son and Russian. Appearance is like that of a model. She has blond hair, very blue eyes that have a slight Mongolian shape, short Russian nose, very red lips and she is tall.
Aaron: Single with three kids who live with his ex, bad ass, redneck, in love with Sasha. Physically, he doesn't look too bad or anything. Light brown hair, wears glasses for nearsightedness, average 6'0" height.
Wei: Chinese and acts like a blond!
Ema: Friends with Wei and very out of it.
Morgan: Ummmm...Typical girl! (brunette...boring!)

We have ALL been trying to set up Sasha and Aaron, so Morgan and I asked them both to go on a walk with us and we were all joking and I started walking backwards and I walked right into a statue! It was horrible and my ass hurt like crazy! We all started walking, and half way through, Morgan and I were like "we need to go back!" so we ditched them and apparently they had fun on their walk together. Aaron scared Sasha on a bridge and she jumped and he said it was funny.

I asked Sasha why she wouldn't date Aaron and she was like "come on, your enough for me!" and I was like "well...thanks! but no....Aaron is in love with you!" and she blushed and said "no..." and it was funny. I love Sasha! She loves to give me hugs...maybe she has a crush on me! OMG! But she has a kid who is only 6 years younger than me...WOAH! OMG! *stops thinking about that....*

There were some bands that came and played for us, and there was a comedian that reminded me of a mix of Tina from The L Word meets my Aunt Kim. She was soooooo funny and very cute!!! One of the bands, Driftwood Fire, they looked like Ruth and Idgie from Fried Green Tomatoes and they were real life partners. Awesomeness!!!

Annnnndddd, we had a dance, and it was a lot of fun. A bunch of us just got together and danced. I ended up freak dancing with the girl I like, Becca, and a guy named Jon who was hitting on her. It was a fun threesome. She smiled at me a lot, especially when I made sure to go as low as her waist in the dance...Yeah....I was BAD! I got her number and I can't wait to get to know her better! We went swimming and I jumped in wearing only a shirt and shorts because I didn't really go bikini shopping this year. It was fun. People had made a whirl pool and it was crazy. I had a hard time seeing without my glasses.

The next day, we had another meeting, and this one was lead by this guy who looked like Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite. It was interesting and boring all at once. There was a sports session where we played sports and I met a girl who had her upper cheeks pierced and was gay...She was a lot of fun! (but she lived REALLY far away from me...)

We continued to try to get Sasha and Aaron together all through the ride home, we even set it up so that they had to sit next to each other, and they were both a bit embarrassed. We stopped at my fave town here on the way back, Leavenworth, its a Bavarian village, and it was fun! Sasha went crazy for it! I think it reminded her of home a bit.

Here is what I have learned from all of this: I want Becca happy! That's right, HAPPY! And if her boyfriend makes her happy and he treats her right, then all the best to them and I am more than glad to be her friend.

Thanks for reading...Please respond in the box!!! LOVE YOU ALL!!!

Well...

2009-09-08T21:37:00.000-07:00

Monday was a day of crazyness. It reminded me of why I am no longer into guys at all, and it was a real reality check! I went out to a movie with a family friend that is a GUY that my sister has been trying to set me up with for awhile...Yes, it IS Lyle! An hoenstly, it was fine, but he felt like a brother to me.

We went and we saw "Gamer" and then went to lunch, all of which I paid for because he is broke until Friday, and he agreed that he would take me to see "Sorority Row" on Saturday. During lunch, he told me he wasn't attracted to me and he wanted to talk about my sister a lot. I told him I wasn't attracted to him either and that I was gay. I confined him to secracy from my family because I am still closeted to them and he was okay with that, but he was shocked that I was.

We went to the mall after that and wandered around and then we talked more. He likes this cute European girl that rides her bike all over, (I know who she is too and I am not sure she is straight...) he asked me how to approach her and I gave him all sorts of ideas only for him to knock them down. Basically, he is droll and very very down as a person!

I brought him back to my house because he is friends with everyone and we all stayed up and watched movies and hung out. It was fun. He slept over, but just on the sofa. It was all good. He got to see my sister, who he has been so madly in love with for awhile now, interact with her boyfriend, and he was like "well...I have no chance..." it was his reality check.

He got up the next day and rode his bike home and that was it! Sooooo...Yeah!!!

Sooooo...

2009-08-30T12:52:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been getting out more since my computer has been broken, however, I can't say I like not having a computer all that much. In fact, I hate not having a computer...I HATE IT!!! I am cut off from my online friends and its not that I don't have "real life" friends, because I do have friends that I know in day to day life, they just don't really have time to hang out.

But...In day to day life, here is a bit of an update! Basically, there is this girl who works up at the Blockbuster by my house, and I get the gay/bi vibe from her and I am very curious! At this point, I am looking for FRIENDS. All the rest of you can go and have as much romance and sex as you want, but I just want to get to know someone and see if it can become more.

At work on Monday or Tuesday, I don't recall which one, there were these two girls that came in and looked a lot like Tibette (Tina and Bette from "The L Word") only with a shorter Bette. It was really funny and quite cute. I did wonder if they were together or not because I do live in Seattle and there are a lot of Lesbians out there.

On Friday, my friend Diana and I went out bar hopping, and it was a lot of fun! We started off in Kirkland and we went to this bar, Lucia, which charged Diana $10.00 for a Martini. She was in SHOCK! I was laughing because seriously...she should have asked for the price list. My beer was $3.00. We took the bus to Redmond, which is like 10 minutes from Kirkland, and we hit up this bar called Palmers, which was a lot of fun. Basically, we got some good food there and drank Heinekin and this guy made me dance with him. (I was coming back from the bathroom, and he grabbed me and made me dance with him!) He was so plastered and when he asked my name and I told him, he said "what?! Lori?!" I was like "No! Carissa!" and he was like "I'm Jon! It's great to meet you Lori!" Then, this Lesbian couple came and showed us how to swing dance, they were amazing! I learned a lot from them and everyone got a chance to dance with everyone, which was really cool. Diana was too scared to dance. haha! After that, we walked to this new bar, I forget the name, but RickyVenture, this local Seattle band, was playing and they weren't too bad, but they were really loud.

Saturday I hung out with my Indians again, but not for long because it was poker night at my house. I got paid $30.00 by Anjali's dad because he decided to use my logo in his project, so, yay for me!!! I finally got some work in my field and I got paid for it. I lost a bunch at poker...Oh well! At least buy in is CHEAP! Haha!

In celebrity news:

Melrose Place is starting on September 8, and there is going to be a lesbian kiss between two characters in the pilot episode, so stay tuned!!
DJ AM sadly died of a drug overdose on Friday night.
Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant by her boyfriend Scott Disick. No news yet on when she is due.
Rumours are swirling that Colin Farrell got his girlfriend, Alicja Bachleda, pregnant. We know Colin has no problem getting the ladies pregnant because he got his ex gf pregnant 5 years ago and he has a son.
"Grey's Anatomy" star Ellen Pompeo and husband Chris Ivery are expecting a baby girl in October. Katherine Heigl hosted the baby shower for them.
Ted Kennedy died on Friday...He is certainly the longest lasting Kennedy in many years!
Shamim Sarif, our favourite lesbian director, has two new films that will be out in 2011. Here is what her site had to say about each one.
THE DREAMING SPIRES Adapted from Shamim Sarif’s published short story The Reader, the film is set in post-War Oxford, England. Twenty year old American student Joseph Connor takes a job reading to an unconventional young woman, a blind English professor at Oxford University. Kate Graves is thirty, married to a wealthy war veteran. Her sharp wit and striking beauty find an unexpected soul mate in the shy, sensitive Joseph.As in The Remains of the Day, the passion which grows between them is marked, but subtle. Their ages, cultures and circumstances may conspire to keep them apart, but Joseph forces Kate to look at the empty core of the life she has so determinedly built for herself, while she provides the young student and aspiring writer with the confidence and trust that he needs to believe in himself. Soon entering pre-production, The Dreaming Spires is a love story that transcends the usual coming-of-age conventions.
DESPITE THE FALLING SNOW A powerful, epic love story, Despite the Falling Snow moves effortlessly across eras and continents, between present day Boston and 1950’s Moscow, to unfold an enthralling drama of love, treachery and redemption.
After an early career amongst the political elite of Cold War Russia, Alexander Ivanov has lived in America for forty years and has managed to bury the tragic memories surrounding his charismatic late wife, Katya – or so he believes.
For into his life come two women - one who will start to open up the heart he has protected for so long; another who is determined to uncover the truth about what really happened to Katya all those years ago. The story’s journey back to post Stalinist Moscow takes us into a breathtaking world of true love lost, and of friendships betrayed.The movie, now in development, is based on Shamim Sarif’s highly acclaimed second novel and has been described as "a story which is, literally, breathtaking." (The Good Book Guide)

I might just have to read that book...Despite the Falling Snow...It sounds sooooo good!

My top two songs at the moment are:

Te Amo - Rihanna
Old School -Hedley

Thats everything!!! I hope you enjoyed that.

The Last Three Days...

2009-08-23T22:15:00.000-07:00

They say that everything happens for a reason...Some people believe that we are the products of our choices while others believe solely in fate and destiny. Honestly I don't know what I believe in anymore! But in the last three days, I have reflected on life a lot more than I had ever imagined I would. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the blog.

It was early Friday morning, and when I say early, I mean like 1am early, and my friends from out of town had just arrived. I had not anticipated this at all, I was expecting them to come around 8am or 9am, but sure enough, there were here at 1am. Alex, the little character that he is, now 8 years old, comes running into the house shouting "that was way too long in the car! I think we were in there for like nine hours!" He is so cute.

His parents come in and get settled, they take over my sisters room because her bed is the largest, a queen, and she takes the sofa in the den. Then, they all just want to sit and talk. They discuss everything from the drive here to what they want to do while they are in town. They are here because of a wedding, and that will take place on Saturday.

So, we all go to bed around 2:30am. I have a big day ahead of me the next day, which consists of shopping with my friend from Bulgaria, Tatyana, and then coming home for a poker tournament. I get on the bus and Tatyana is there, and I am really excited to see her. She is this cute little 5'5" skinny pale white girl with very Russian looking facial features and dyed dark brown hair. I tell her that my date is going to be Saturday and that I am so excited. She is at a loss for words because she has no idea what a woman would like to see another woman in.

We get to the shopping plaza, and she is starving, so we head to a Mexican restaurant, where they are serving $3.00 margaritas, and I order one since I am now 21 and I can. I must say that I had no idea you were supposed to order a flavour with them, because mine was seriously SALTY and GROSS! It was pretty funny actually. The waiter thought we were on a date, which is what usually happens when I go out to eat with my lady friends. I am totally tom-boyish with girly long hair, and they are always completely femme and straight but get mistaken for being my gf.

Anyway, after lunch, we end up going shopping and I find this awesome Fox Racing flannel shirt in Pacsun. I decided I HAD to have it! Even though it was I believe $40.00, it was way too cute not to purchase. However, its one of those flannel type shirts that is meant to be worn open, so basically we went on a mission to find me a shirt to wear under it, and seriously, there was NOTHING! I ended up settling on a teal colored shirt that went with one of the colors in the flannel shirt, but when I got it home and got my sisters opinion, she said it didn't go well and to wear a black tank top under it. I was reluctant to wear the black tank top under it because I had a mosquito bite from camping on my upper chest, but I agreed anyway because she was right, the teal shirt just didn't go!

I got home in time to play poker, and I drank a Budweiser, which was okay but caused me to be tipsy and have impaired judgement during poker! Not to mention that my mom, the wine steward, kept handing me glass after glass of wine and asking for my opinion on each one. Not that I minded, but at the same time, I really tried to focus on the game. I ended up losing two hands and stopped playing.

My sister Jennifer and her friend Jessica however, kept on drinking mimosas and eventually got really giggly. Jenny was like "My eyes are in front of my head!" and Jessica was like "Try texting..." it was hilarious! Jenny ended up spilling cake on Jessica and they both just laughed and laughed about it.

My brother got so plastered he puked everywhere! It was horrible. He kept on just downing drink after drink and trying to be cool and he ended up totally looking like a fool. He was the prime example of how NOT to drink!

I went to bed after that, and I ended up getting up and getting ready for my date Saturday, with a very sweet girl who I will not name the name. It was a lot of fun, but sadly, we didn't have any romantic moments. It consisted of us just hanging out at her aunt's house and watching their dogs and cats as well as episodes of "The L Word". It was pretty fun, but very friendly and not so much a date as I was expecting.

The two dogs are small, like Pomeranian sized, and they both only have three legs. I am not a huge dog person, but dogs are fine with me. Basically we just sat there and watched the movies, and the dogs were always between us, so we couldn't get physically close or anything. I laughed a lot both at TLW and at the comedy show she brought which I forgot the name of. It was a lot of fun and I really had a good time. She is totally sweet and I look forward to getting to know her better. I am so glad we met!

That night, I found out that my computer was completely broken, which broke my heart! I love my computer a lot...too much...and basically I now definitely need a new one! So, in around two weeks, I should be getting one!

Sunday was the hardest day for me because my best friend from high school, Nino, is getting married, and we planned to have dinner and hang out together on Sunday. Basically, she told me to meet her at our old high school and we would leave from there. I got ready and I was expecting one of my siblings or parents to want to drive me there, but all of them were lazy asses and wouldn't, so I had to walk. As I am walking, the bus starts to drive by, so I book it and make it to the bus stop right in time!

Now, I get to the school like a half hour early, and the school is right across the street from a cemetery, so I take a long walk through there and just enjoy it. I know, its creepy, but at the same time, it was very nice and relaxing. I thought about all the people that were buried there, their lives, their families, all of it. While its sad that life has to end at all, it is the one thing that we are guaranteed: we will live and we will die.

Nino calls me and I meet her at the school and we head to dinner, which is this Chinese restaurant. Nino is gorgeous both physically as well as mentally. Physically: Marina from "The L Word", mentally, she is PERFECT! I cannot find a flaw and while its hard not to be jealous of her, I have never been jealous of her because she is just so awesome to be around! Its so hard not to fall in love with her because she is positive all the time and just oh so sweet...She is never negative and she loves all things. How can one not love her? The waiter compliments us on being "such a lovely couple" and we both just nod and say thank you. She whispers to me "why does everyone think when two girls hang out they are dating in America?" She is from the country of Georgia, which is in the former USSR, and its abnormal there for girls to date ever(marriage is even basically arranged between straight couples...imagine what a gay couple would be thought of as!). I have not told her about my orientation yet for just that reason...

We begin talking and she tells me all about her fiancee and we start talking about sex and all that because she has no idea what she is expected to do on her wedding night and all that. She is so innocent and I explain what I know to her. Now mind you we are both "technically" virgins, but I have had quite a bit of experience with guys, sadly! She asks me all sorts of questions and I answer them to the best of my ability, and she turns bright red a lot because this is not normal for her to discuss this. We get our food and then we head to this cute little British store across the street, where she looks at cute China and talks about how she can't wait to be married and decorate her kitchen. I cannot believe she is getting married! I watch her a lot, thinking how adorable she is and how wonderful she is and how blessed I am to have her for a friend. We were best friends all throughout high school.

I remember when I first met her, she was someone that no one else wanted to be friends with because she was new and didn't know English, but I wanted to be her friend really badly. She had a brother, David, and I believe to this very day that he is the only guy I ever had a true crush on. We all hung out, David, Nino, Jeff, Sidney, and me. Nino ended up dating Jeff, Sidney liked Nino, and I basically was confused as to if I wanted David or not. lol. Society told me yes, so I just played along. That was high school.

After high school, Nino ended up going to the University of Washington and I ended up going to LWTC and we rarely hung out, only like 2-4 times a year tops, but I would never forget our high school years together. We went shopping, to the cinema, studied for exams, cheated a bit on exams, laughed at boys, partied, we did it all! We were a fun group.

Sidney died in a motorcycle accident in February, and Nino and I were both really crushed about it. He was a good friend of ours and he will be missed dearly. He always did have a crush on Nino, but who didn't? She is impossible not to fall in love with.

After shopping at the British store, we ended up going to coffee at Tully's and we talked for a few more hours, talk mostly consisting of her fiancee and how excited she is. She really wants to get pregnant early on, so there was a lot of talk about that as well. When she dropped me off at home, that was when I got really emotional. I almost never do, but when it comes to Nino, I am very protective...She is one of the best friends I have ever had. We have been to Hell and back together and not once have we ever had a true fight. We have agreed to disagree and all, but never ever been really mad at each other. She hugged me tightly and told me she would be back in town in January. We agreed to call each other, write, send e-mails and Skype, but it just wouldn't be the same anymore. Before, we were 20minutes away from each other, now, we were going to be 20HOURS away from each other! I couldn't believe it. Before my eyes, my sweet, innocent Nino had turned into a lovely woman who was going to be married and having children soon! WOW! I was in shock.

I thought back to the days when we would sit in her car and dance to music and laugh because we looked ridiculous but at the same time, we had a ton of fun! I thought back to the moment when I first saw her sitting outside of Mr. Noon's history class and starring into outer space. All she knew in the way of English was one word: "yes". Everything she said to me was a "yes". I remembered back to seeing her every day and how I felt about her; had I ever been in love with her like everyone else had? I think the answer was a simple one: yes, but it was different. We called each other sister and acted like it for sure, and while she has this amazing scent about her and I love the way she walks and talks, I did have what a psychiatrist calls a "girl-crush". However, its not what your all thinking. She is that girl that I wanted to be just like, the girl that taught me how to be a girl. She was the girl that I learned how to apply make up by watching and who taught me how to act lady like. I wanted to be just like her, so did I ever want to marry her? Well, that has always been the joke: "we will run away together if men fail us!" but honestly, no! She requires too much attention, and that is, indeed, her one flaw.

We drove up to my house and neither of us wanted to say goodbye, but we both knew we had to. I couldn't believe how hard it was! I told her that no matter what happened, I would be there for her and she could call or write me anytime day or night. Even if she called at 3am I would answer the phone. I almost cried in the car because its such a turning point for us. I had always thought she would meet a Georgian guy here in the US, one who had immigrated here like she had, but she didn't and her plan was to move back to Georgia unless the economy got worse there...Then she would come and live here. I tell her how amazing and wonderful she is and she tells me the same, and we hug like three times and then I finally get out of the car. I am about to cry! I cannot believe she has to go and get married and leave. Why couldn't she have gotten married and stayed here? WHY?! I will honestly never know.

Well, that has been the last three days! They have been up and down, good and bad...mostly just CRAZY! Thanks for reading!

Camping!!!

2009-08-18T23:40:00.000-07:00

Alrighty...Camping!

So, us kids, as in all three of the kids in my family, my dads best friends daughter Jessica, my sisters friend from work Lyle, our friend from Oregon Bryan, and my brothers girlfriend Brittany all wanted to go camping. My sister found a place at this camp site called "Gold Basin" which is up in the mountains, and we drove up there. From my house, its about two hours or so. It was a nice easy drive on highway nine. The Sheriff however stopped us and asked us if we needed to know of a good campsite. We told him we knew where we were going, but they are pretty good about checking up on campers and stuff, especially a car full of 18 and 21 year olds "looking for trouble". LOL.

We drove through the little town of Granite Falls, and it looks like something out of a horror film. Its so small and perfect, you have to wonder...Its has one little store, a few small mom and pop diners, but nothing too fancy or anything. I loved it, but my siblings were like "BORING!"

Anyway, we get there, and we set up camp and all of us girls need to go to the bathroom. Now, my sister has insisted on "roughing it," which means no showers even though there are showers there! I was pissed when I found this out because she insisted that there was "no running water!" Ahhhhh! I get pimples already, so I really wanted to wash my face and since she told me that, I didn't bring my face wash because I didn't think I could wash my face.

So anyways, back to the bathroom...We ended up going to the bathroom, which is this nasty vaulted toilet that has spiders and bugs and stuff all over, and my brother's girlfriend Brittany begins screaming. She is like "I don't wanna go..." and gets this total look of horror on her face. My sister is like "I will go first." So she steps in to go and cleans the toilet and all for the next person, who is Jessica. And then Brittany goes after Jess. I just went because I wanted to see if there were sinks and stuff, which there were not. The showers were in a different area. Anyway, Brittany is like "What if a hand comes out and tries to grab me? Where is the water? There is no water in that poty!" and we are like "JUST GO!" So she did and we were all like "that wasn't so bad was it?" Haha!

We headed back to camp and everyone is like "well, what do we do?" so we get out hot dogs and turkey dogs and we roast them over the fire for dinner. Then, we set up the game "Apples to Apples". Now, for those of you that don't know how to play, there are many cards with many random words and people involved. Basically, my brothers girlfriend got "Joan of Arc", and she was like "Who is Joan of Arc? Was it Noah's wife?" And she had this blank look on her face and we all just busted up laughing. Lyle, who is serious almost all the time, was like "Seriously?!" Haha! It was the funniest moment ever! She is sooooooo funny!

Lyle, who basically looks like a darker haired version of Shaggy from Scooby-doo, is pretty forward and serious most of the trip. He always stretches out his words and says things like "liiiiiikkkkeeeee" and stuff. Its pretty funny and my siblings thought he and I would be a good couple. We both had our mp3 players with us most of the trip. lol. No, I did not agree about us being a good couple. He is like the male version of me in some ways, and in others we are total opposites. Not only that, he is boring...lol. Oh! And he loves Rubix cubes, he brought one and and he is MALE...I don't want him for all of those reasons. Haha!

Bryan is hearing impaired and the kid is just amazing! He has been through hell his whole life. He was born with kidney failure, given a very short amount of time to live and overcame all the odds. He is now 18 and living with a donated kidney from his mom. He is on pills that have made him deaf, but he can hear partially with his hearing aids in. He has black hair, glasses and is about 5'10" or so.

My sister Jen is basically the average girl in every way. She has dark brown hair, is 5'8", medium build, medium skin tone...average!

My brother Chad is like the perfect looking guy in a lot of ways. He has sandy blond hair, blue-green eyes, very muscular upper body, 6'0", and medium build. His skin is milky white though and he doesn't really tan.

His girlfriend is Brittany and she is as skinny as a stick. I saw her eat for the first time EVER while camping! I was amazed. She ate a pancake! WOAH! lol. She is about 5'5" or 5'6" with light brown hair and eyes. She has a twin and they are both on dance team at school. Both of them are really stupid! Like...SERIOUSLY!

Jessica has a very round head and wears glasses sometimes and contacts others. Her mom is my moms friend who ran off with the woman after being married to a man for 20 years...Yeah! Poor girls has become depressed after everything. She is a very sweet girl, innocent in a lot of ways and average like my sister except for a bit shorter, like 5'4" or so and with lighter hair. Jessica missed her boyfriend a LOT this weekend and talked about him quite a bit. She also said how she hates her mom and how I talk to her mom more than she does so...Yeah! I feel really bad for her!

We ended up going to bed shortly after the game, and my brother and his girlfriend had their own tent while the rest of us had a different one. My brothers friend Bryan snores so loudly! It was crazy and we all couldn't get to sleep. We talked all night about random stuff, like sex and all. It was awkward because I am gay and felt like I couldn't really answer all of Lyle's questions. Bryan fell asleep right away because he is hearing impaired and had his hearing aids out. When the topic came up "why do guys like it so much when two girls kiss?" I so wanted to answer that "its hot!" but I didn't. That would have outed me so badly. lol. Lyle said that its because there is no man involved, so it is simply pleasing to the male mind. He analyzises everything...Which is good I guess! haha!

My brother and his girlfriend giggled all night and we could hear them! Ewwwww! It was soooo gross! But whatever...As long as she isn't pregnant everything is good. lol.

The next day, I woke up really early as did Bryan, way before everyone else, and we ended up making pancakes for breakfast. Now, I will tell you one bad thing about camping is BUGS! And once you have food out, bugs come out like there is no other and it is gross! Now, combine bugs and my brothers gf, who is terrified of most things, and you get the funniest reacations ever. She was running away from them, then we got her a fly swatter and she was killing them, then she held onto my brother and shouted at him to kill them...It was soooo funny! She would kill one and my brother would shout "great job baby!"

We ended up going down to the river, which is not too shallow and not too deep, and I ended up getting stuck watching the stuff while they all hiked down the river and tried to find a place to cross to the other side. I was like "Gee...Thanks!" lol. I actually soaked up some sun while I was there and just enjoyed the good green earth. You have to wonder who or what made it all...I also took in the smell of the campfires burning, the smell of the water and I listened to it flowing. It was a beautiful and very peaceful experience. I highly recommend it.

Bryan came back early because he had to go to the bathroom, and we ended up getting out these super soak balls and when the rest of the group got back, we had a fight with them. We ended up giving the balls to these kids who would be camping there all week because we knew we wouldn't be able to take them back with us because they would be all wet for the duration of the trip. I ended up getting my shoes wet and I didn't have an extra pair, so I had to use Jessica's since we wear almost the same size. She is like 1/2 a size up from me.

We went into town after that and we finally got cell phone reception, which was big for all of us. We got firewood and I ended up getting my bro some cigs because he was dying from lack of...haha! There were also some adorable puppies at this little pet store, and we all played with them. Leave it to puppies to melt a bunch of girls hearts. Yep! The girl that was working there was 13 and I could tell she was a mini-lezzie. She had on all soccer gear and her hair pulled back and she didn't bother to check out my brother like most girls 13-20 usually do, she actually looked at me quite a bit, which was funny and nice at the same time. We went to this random house to get firewood, and this very rugged looking man came out of it, and he looked like a murderer, but he was actually very nice and loaded our car with a lot of pine and oak wood for the campfire. It was cheap, like $10.00 or so for a LOT of wood.

We got back to camp and we ended up roasting marshemellows and making smores after dinner. My brother and his girlfriend went to bed early...right! Haha! We could hear them giggling...AGAIN! You would think they would at least try to hide it!

We played Apples To Apples AGAIN and we ended up all tying...It was funny! Then, we all went to bed and I ended up reading "ghost stories" from my iPod. Then, my sister started songs from our childhood, like NSYNC, Backstreet Boys and LFO and we all sang along. It was awesome!

I woke up early that morning, like 7am, and the lighter to light the campfire wasn't working, and it made me MAD! I was like "how am I supposed to light the fire?" so I walked around camp whistling, and there were these two cool birds, blue jays, (which are these cool bigger blue birds with black heads) and they were flying close to my camp and I was just watching them. I danced around while no one was watching and this little black and white finch flew around by me...He was adorable! I called him my pet. He let me get really close to him. (finches are very small black and white birds and they are often very friendly with humans since they are too small to be hunted and used for food and people often keep them for pets)

I went down to the river because I was bored and we left our football down there the day before, so I ended up getting that and talking to some other campers about the hiking trails in the area. Apparently the ice caves that my sister had wanted to go to had the bridge to them washed out early on in the year and you cant access them, so we ended up packing up camp, making sandwiches, and heading to a different spot along the river.

Now mind you I am stuck in the far back of the car since I am the smallest in the bunch. I am only 5'2" tall and everyone else is way taller than I am. Its very squshed back there! lol.

We end up getting there, and my stomach hurts badly. I forgot to leave my mp3 player in the car, and I am scared to get it wet, but everyone wants to hike down the river more. We get all the way down there, I am doing okay, and then, I slip and fall into the water, freak out, worry about my iPod iTouch and get upset about the fact that I fell and no one else did. The group kinda laughs about it, but I can't just then. Now that I look back, it was a bit funny. I got soaked pretty good by the current. My brother helped me get back, all the while lecturing me in the way that he tends to when he feels I have done something stupid. "You should have been stepping like this..." he makes me watch him step on the rocks a special way and I say "Okay thanks..." over and over. He is such a smart ass!

I had to change into some of my dry clothes, and the bathroom had tons of spiders in it. It also smelled like piss and crap and I really didn't want to be in there, but I dealt with it. Why? Because I didn't want to sit in the car for 2 or so hours in soaking wet clothing! (had my sister told me we would be by a river, I would have brought my swim suit and just worn that the whole trip...had she mentioned that the campsite would have a shower, I would have brought shower stuff...her idea of "roughing it" involves no swimming or showering!)

We got home right on time and I got in the shower and took a nap, and once I woke up, everything good that could have happened happened! =) Yay! Thats it!!! Hope you enjoyed.

Awesome Uncle...Awesome Dinner...Awesome Day!

2009-08-16T00:36:00.000-07:00

Today my gay uncle Andre came to town from Fresno with his dad Larry. They are related to my mom by my grandma's third husband who was Larry. lol. My moms mom was married seven, yes, you heard correctly SEVEN times! It was an amazing evening. It started off with me getting myself foofed up for them to come, and I mean foofed! My sister did my hair and my mom wanted to "help" me with my makeup and I put on a dress and by the time they got here, I looked good! Woohoo! He brought his dog, a beautiful Grey Hound who is brown and her name is Ginger. She is his baby. She is nine years old and she is all skin and bones. Its funny, we have the bunny and she was eyeing him and he would see her and hop away and she would just stand there watching him. She is such a good dog!

Larry looks like Colonal Sanders from Kentucky Fried Chicken only without the beard. EXACTLY! He is very nice and has a good story telling way about him. He and Andre are driving across the USA and they are almost done. They started in New York and have gone through quite a few states. One of the stories they told was about how a tornado almost came and got them in Iowa! Haha!

Andre is flaming gay and dresses and acts it. He has very blue eyes, a clean shaven face, is normal height and build and has short blonde hair. He is very fun and funny. My mom and him talked all night about the past, going over pictures and remembering trips and activities from their childhood. They were siblings from grades 3 to 6 and then Andre came to live with my mom and Grandma again when he was in high school. My mom also has another brother, Rick, who didn't come to visit.

My mom worked it so we got free wine and dessert at this Italian restaurant not too far away, and it was amazing! We walk in and its nothing too extravagant, just a simple little place. But then, when they hear who my mother is, being a wine steward and all, the chef, who is also the owner, comes out and talks to us and he is so very sweet! He and his wife have been running the place forever and they are from Austria. Their sons are the waiters. Its a very family owned business. Our waiter is a bit droll and could have been nicer, but perhaps he was having a bad day? Who knows?

I had to break my diet, sadly...I have been not eating any beef or pork, but today everything had pork or beef! EVERYTHING! I couldn't eat much of the food that came because it was loaded with it and I was not happy! After around a week without it, my body was not liking trying to process it and I felt bloated fast. It didn't help that they gave us tons of desserts and wines, care of my mothers job.

The bill was $500 and my uncle got it! He is so awesome! I feel like I have known him forever, he has this quality about him. LOL. I can't really describe it, but he really does! We both like red wines more than whites and we both love to talk, so I do see us getting close, especially when I come out. He might be one of the first people I tell within my family. =)

My family friend Bryan is in town from Oregon. He is partially deaf, so we are going to be shouting quite a bit at him while he is here, but its ok, we get used to it fast! He is a sweet kid and it is funny to see him all grown up now. When we were kids, our moms were like sisters! His parents and little brother Alex will be in town next week.

Alex is a character! The last time I saw him, he had two REALLY funny moments. The first was when all of us ladies and Alex were driving up to get Krispy Kremes, which is like an hour away from us. Alex was surrounded by girls, and he was like "Mom...mom...My peepee!" At least we know he is straight! Haha!

Another time, my sister was putting up the poster for "Into The Blue" on the wall in her room. It has Jessica Alba looking hot in a bikini and oh yeah...Paul Walker. Well, Alex walks in and goes "Who are they?" and my sister says "Paul Walker and Jessica Alba. Who do you think is hotter?" And Alex looks and goes "Her!" And points to Jessica Alba. My sister goes "Why her?" And Alex goes "Because she has those!" and points to her boobs. It was amazing! He is sooooooo funny! I can't wait to see him again. Love that kid!

Well, that's all for now!

Coworkers...Bosses...etc.

2009-08-14T23:39:00.000-07:00

I have two bosses at the bookstore: Chris and Greg. Here are their descriptions.

Chris:
He looks like a pirate. He has both his ears pierced, is about 5'9", wears black pants which are pretty tight with a nice buttoned up shirt every day and these pirate style boots too! However, his face is always clean shaven and his hair is always slicked back. He has almond colored hair and very deep beady brown eyes. His is the most relaxed person ever. Its really funny how relaxed he is. If it were just him taking care of the store, I would probably just sit around reading magazines all day and ringing people up because he just doesn't really think about all the stuff that needs to get done. I am one of those strange people that always asks for more work to do and stuff and my bosses are usually like "wow! you finished that already! nice!" haha! I love keeping busy.

Greg:

Greg is like a grandfather out of a childrens' book. He is tall, around 6'2" and he has white hair and a white beard and mustache. He has glasses and is fairly thin. He always wears a nice button up shirt with a tie and black pants. His voice is very nice and calm. He cares too much. He and Chris balance each other out at the store. While Chris doesn't really care, Greg cares a lot! He had me tag EVERYTHING in the store one day. It was like "But there is already a tag!" and he was like "We need to update everything! We are being audited and secret shopped this week!" So I did. Chris laughed the whole time. It was very stressful, and then this annoying girl named Sara came in and distracted me and gave me a headache! She always has stupid questions and her voice is annoying...Very squeaky! lol. We keep telling her that the books she wants are not in yet, but she doesn't seem to understand that, so she comes in a LOT!

Another co-worker of mine is Bev. She has hair that is very dyed, and its really hard to explain, but its really short; almost grandma style. She always wears really long dark colored skirts. She looks sad all the time and you will rarely see her smile. She seems like one of those people that just needs a good romance and she will blossom and be all happy and gushy! I know she has a daughter who she likes to go and visit, so I guess that says that she did have at least one romance at some point, but it has probably ended. =( I feel bad for her.

My boss as a secretary, Sheila, is a very sweet woman who is bigger, but not too huge, and she is very sweet but also very bad at time management. Often, I catch her standing around at the coffee stand downstairs socializing. I have to wonder if that is part of her job or not, but since she is my boss, I never say anything. She is a very funny and kind person and I am glad she is my boss. Better physical description: Caucasian, 35 or so, light brown hair always in a ponytail, 200lbs, 5'7" or so, no kids.

I also work with a few other people in that office. There is the ASG Finance Officer, Wei, who is from China. She is 18, loud, and also very funny. She is thin as a pole and eats all day! Its not fair! She took me out to Pho Soup and I couldn't eat all my soup, but she ate all of hers! It was like "how are you so thin?!" lol.

There is the Public Relations Officer, Sasha, who is from Russia. Half the time she doesn't understand what anyone is talking about, but she does her very best. She is tall, like 5'7" or so, with blonde hair and very cute features. She looks very Russian for sure. Like how you imagine a typical Russian woman to look. Thin, tall, sweet, and she is so funny! Poor woman has had a string of bad luck. She got married and pregnant young, divorced young and now has a 13 year old and no husband and hardly any income. But she always makes ends meet! I admire her for that. lol.

Next there is Matt, the Vice President, who is this bald medium height and build white dude who is middle aged, married and has kids. He keeps to himself mostly and that is about all there is to say about him.

The President is Aaron, and he is very much a redneck. He seems dumb at first, but he is actually very smart and full of good ideas once you get him talking. He loves Nascar. He is about 6'0" and he has reddish hair, glasses and a mustache and beard. He is thin and always wears jeans and a shirt. He asked out Sasha and she said no. Haha!

Basically, those are my co-workers! =) Very nice bunch!!!

Reflecting on Life...

2009-08-14T23:38:00.001-07:00

Life is one big mystery and adventure and we all end up in different places and spots at different times. Often, we wonder why we made that choice or decision, but looking back, most people wouldn't change anything for the world. You see, each "mistake" is actually a learning lesson. I have learned from every action in life. Each moment spent wishing I could go back is just silly because the reality is that obviously something good came from it. I am who I am because _________ happened. I met ___________ because that fateful day I chose to _____________ and we found each other. Each and every action has led me to this point, so regrets are not necessary. And when I get mad at myself, I simply remember that all is well and good and all past regrets and decisions should be forgotten and one should move forward. There is no use in being mad at yourself or anyone else. Sure, you don't want to make the same bad decision twice, but why be angry and upset at all? Stay positive, keep smiling, and one day, when you least expect it, you will catch someones eye...and they will be PERFECT for you!

A realization...

2009-08-07T12:42:00.000-07:00

The more that I think about it, the more that I realize that I will always be "one of the guys". No matter how hard I try to be bisexual and fit in with the crowd of straight girls that has always surrounded me, I am just not one of them. Sure, the occasional eye-liner and the bit of makeup that I do wear make me a girl, along with the physical parts that nature gave me...lol. But when it comes down to it, I am the girl that all the guys go to and they are like "my girlfriend...I just don't know what to do..." And they cry, and they hug me and then they pat me on the back and tell me I am a good friend, one of their best even and blah blah and then its back to their gf and I am left standing there feeling like "what just happened?"

Society would tell me that I should try to be more femme, to try to be everything that the guy wants me to be, but then I wouldn't be being myself; I would be being everything I am not. I have a style that is right in-between tom-boy and femme, and I like it that way. I like earrings and jeans and a t-shirt on a normal day. Sometimes I wear a hat and scarf or just one or the other. I like my converse and I don't really care what the guys think of me anymore. Sure, it is flattereing when they do like me, but at this point, I am looking for a gf...If a guy comes along and he is someone of interest, I will let him take me out on a date and we will see if it goes anywhere, but chances are, its not going anywhere. I will probably hold the door too much for his liking, I will most likely flirt with the hot waitress a bit too much and he will probably be thinking "what did I ever see in her?" by the end of the date. And while that SHOULD bother me, the funny thing is that it totally doesn't. And while you the reader are probably sitting there going "why would she even bother going on a date with a dude?" the honest to God truth is a simple one: its because I don't ever not want to give someone a chance! I have been rejected so many times by both genders, but mostly men, and it hurts like hell! I don't ever want to make anyone feel like that, unless they are crazy or something. I had that happen once...Told him I was seeing someone and my straight female friend pretended to be my gf. We just stood there holding hands until he got the message and left. That was the one and only time I said "NO!" in such a way that it got a point across to someone.

What it comes down to is the fact that I wonder if this can be attributed to my gayness/bisexuality. I don't know what to call it. My openness to both perhaps? I mean, the fact that I am every guys best friend pushes me right into the arms of women. Had guys been with me like they are with my hot younger sister Jennifer, drooling and going "ohhh...ahhh!" all the time, things would quite possibly be different. I might be more straight, or at least more of a 50/50 instead of a 70/30. lol. I would actually WANT to get up and do makeup rather then getting up and not caring at all about my face. Why? Because I know they would look. But when I wear makeup now, no matter how much I wear, guys still don't notice. The only one that has ever been like "its ok if a girl doesn't wear makeup, in fact, its kinda hot..." is Lyle, and I don't know whats going to happen with him. Would I like a date? Yes! Will I probably get stuck in the 'friend zone' forever with him? YES!

So, as I sit here and think about one of the many factors attributing to my feelings towards women, I suddenly understand men a bit more than I did before. They are very visual creatures, and if you are not appealing to them physically...Well...Have fun being the "best friend". It doesn't matter how kind your heart is or how sweet you are, you will always be in the 'friend zone' unless you suddenly turn HOT over night and then you get to move up a space and into the "hot zone". It's quite shallow isn't it? Perhpas that is why I have stopped being attracted to about 70% or more of the male population. I mean, I really only look at the inside of a person. Granted one must also be physically attracted to someone or the sex is going to be bad, but otherwise, it is indeed mostly about the personality! So, here are the basics I have come up with about STRAIGHT men!

The basics of MOST STRAIGHT men:

#1) If they are freaking out for any reason, give them a beer and everything will be fine!
#2) If you have nice breasts, a nice ass, or a nice face, then you are HOT and have entered the "hot zone". If you have ALL of the above, then you have entered the "goddess zone."
#3) If you like sports but are just casual, as in you like jeans and a t-shirt and very rarely wear makeup, then you are their best friend and will always be in the "friend zone" unless you step it up a notch and start to become girlie and dress feminine.
#4) The whole "damsel in distress" faze has passed and men couldn't care less if you need their help or not most days. "Fix it yourself woman!" seems to be the new motto of most men! Sadly...
#5) If a guy wants to go dutch on a date, he really isn't that into you. If he pays, he wants to get laid or at least get a make-out session.
#6) Men have three brains, one located in their head, and its about the size of an almond, and two located just below the waist. Two will always overpower one...ALWAYS! Just keep that in mind at all times!
#7) Men are babies. Even the smallest amount of pain will cause them to at least whimper and whine. Why? I have no idea. I guess that is why women give birth and men don't!
#8) You can always boss a man around...ALWAYS! Just threaten to hide the remote/take away video games, not give him any, hide his beer or all of the above and he will do just about anything you say.
#9) If he doesn't have a job, RUN! If he doesn't have a job and lives with his parents, RUN EVEN FASTER!
#10) If you want ANYTHING from your guy, all you have to do is stand in front of the TV while he is watching sports and say "honey, I need money right now an d I am not moving until I get some!" and he will be like "fine!" and give you whatever amount you want. Why? Because men like sports and sports are more important than anything in the world...SERIOUSLY!

Yep! And those generalizations are accurate about 90% of the time. The 10% of guys that don't fall into that catagory fall into the gamer/geek/nerd catagory! They are kind and sincere and sweet and smart, but they are what the girls in the "friend zone" are to the 90% of straight men...FRIENDS! Straight girls will go to them for advice and tell them how kind and how sweet they are and then its "your like a brother to me! thank you so much for the advice!" So...Its a two way street in its own right I guess!

I hope you enjoyed that. Don't go all insane on me about making generalizations...You KNOW I AM RIGHT...

Life As Of Late...

2009-08-06T22:25:00.000-07:00

Well, I want to first start by saying that life is crazy right now! It truly is...I don't know how else to explain it. Basically this blog is going to sum it all up!

I have been going to work at the bookstore at school and juggling my job at the ASG along with it. Its been hectic. At the bookstore, we get a lot of funny customers. Here are some of them that I have given nicknames to in my head. lol. Yes, I keep the nicnames in my head.

Funny Lil Indian Gal - She is probably like 25 or so, just got married, and she always looks at me like she just wants to eat me up! I don't know why...She smiles really big and then is like "How are you today?" and she says it kinda sexy, its really funny! NO...I do not have a crush on her...She is MARRIED...lol. But is it funny? Yes! She came in looking of for a tampon this morning and was really scared to ask one of the male clerks, so she found me and was like "Do you have ummm..." and then began whispering "tampons". Sooooo funny! She has HUGE brown eyes and glasses, but she is def. physically cute and I told her I would babysit her kids for free when she has them. She was like "Don't rush me, I just got married and that was a HUGE step!" and she giggled, then looked at me all funny and I smiled back at her. Once when I was off the clock, and she was drinking at the water fountain, I walked over and was like "hey! how are you doing?" and she was like "Good. Do you like me?" And I was like "I think your interesting and we should talk over lunch sometime!" and she laughed and said "Why not?!" And smiled big. I don't know! I see a potential really good friendship.

Egyptian Pop-tart Girl - So there is a girl who attends the morning ESL (English Second Language) classes, and she wears her full Hijab, and every morning, she gets pop tarts. I asked her "Do you like pop-tarts?" and she nodded and quietly said "yes." and she was blushing. So then I asked her, I was like "are you from Egypt?" and her eyes lit up and she said "yes!" and I was like "Very nice. I have a friend from there. Do you miss it?" and she was like. "I am new to English...I am sorry..." And she spoke so quietly, so I just smiled and finished ringing her up. She had a great smile, and I really want to get to know her better. She looked like she wanted to throw off her Hijab and go running, but something was holding her back, and that's okay. With or without the Hijab, she still is my Egyptian Pop-tart, and I like talking to her so that she can practice her English. God only knows that the professors don't practice enough with the students! I hope I eventually find out her name and get to talk to her more. Sadly, like most ESL students who are not from Mexico, she will probably end up working at the family restaurant and never finish her English learning. I hope she comes back in Fall.

Napoleon Dynamite - So there is this geeky guy in the automotive department who comes in every morning and gets Gatorade and a granola bar, and he looks just like Napoleon D. Its crazy! He even talks like him and tries to be cool. Today, he wore army pants and red riding boots. I was like "WTF?!" But I said nothing and just smiled and did my job. Its so funny! He even has big 80s glasses. But being the romantic that I am, I hope he finds a geeky girl who loves him and completes him! She is out there, and they will have geeky little kids and yeah!

Cute Barista - I have sadly already forgotten her name (I think its Lauren...), but the barista is so cute and I was like "yeah, I am kinda flaming...well...bi but...yeah!" and she opened up to me so much once I told her that. For the life of me I wish I had remembered her name...I will let you all know when I remember it! I told her that the benefit to liking women was that they got to know YOU and look into your eyes and not at your breasts all the time! She laughed and then we joked about how men also love asses and they check them out frequently. It was funny. She is totally sweet and I think she is bi or gay. I don't know if I consider myself gay or bi or what...70/30. 70 percent gay and 30 percent straight! Hehe!!! Perfect!!!

Christina Cop - The school security guard, whose name is Christina, is hilarious! She is buff but short and always wears her hair in a scrunchy. Its a frizzy mess, so I totally understand that. She has HUGE glasses...I think she is the only person I have met with worse eyesight than myself. Anyways, she has the craziest stories! Today she was going on and on about how her boyfriend lost their tickets to a carnival, and he had left them on the fridge...but not just any fridge...the WORK fridge! lol. Another time, she told me how she got home from work one day, and her now ex boyfriend was in bed with another guy. My only response was "and you see why I don't really date men anymore!" She had to laugh at that. Yep! She is a character. I will keep you guys posted on her!

The Dragon - There is this lady, I don't recall her name either, I think it is Sherri or something, but she smokes like a chimney and she smells like an ash tray. She is OLDER, like 50 or so, and we all call her "the dragon" behind her back because she breathes fire when she sits down in her chair. It is horrible to sit next to her. Not only that, but she complains a lot. She comes into the store and is like "I want to watch a movie on the computer, do you know how to do that?" and I am thinking you are studying computers, how can you not know this? So I told her that you just put in the DVD and a menu pops up and lets you watch it. Then, she wanted to know if I knew any free sites because she didn't want to download it. I told her it plays from the disk, you didn't have to download it. Then she wanted to know how to burn it to other disks...AHHH!!! The whole time she smells like an ash tray. Finally, I tell her to ask the librarian and she says she will and leaves. This is normal for her. She also talks a lot about sewing and quilting and old people stuff. lol. She has a good heart though.

Crazy Cheque Lady - Every day the same lady comes in and writes a cheque. For the life of me, I still don't know her name and it is written on her cheques! She works at the school and she is older. She is sweet though. She has some funny stories. Once, I told her about how I tried to paint my own nails when I was in 9th grade and it looked like I was bleeding, and she told me about how when she was in 6th grade, the girls sat down with the lady teachers and had "the talk" about sex and periods. And that day, she had been out on the playground and had skinned her thigh, and it bled through her white skirt and one of the girls said "did you start?" and she turned bright red and explained about her skinned knee. She is very funny! She kind of looks like a duck though...

Here are some more descriptions of people who come in every day. We have this couple, they are both in automotive, and they always get food. They are a cute couple! He is shorter than her, but you can just tell they adore each other. Both blond haired and blue eyed. Then there is the semi-cute guy who I can tell wants to ask me out but is scared to and every day he almost gets up the courage to, but he never does! Lol. I know this from how he pauses, looks at me, stutters, goes "yeah..." looks down and leaves the store. Then, there is yammacha boy, who is bisexual and hits on EVERYONE! (don't know if I spelled yammacha right or wrong...) We have a guy at my school who looks like the dad off of Family Guy and he talks like him too! Its really funny. He comes in fairly often, but not every day. There is the Native American boy with the sexy blue eyes and very tan skin. OMG! I could just stare into those eyes forever. lol. He always gets a cup of noodles. Every day! lol. There is Freddie, who is kind of a rocker. His mom comes to school with him because he has seizures and cannot drive, and she drives him around. He always gets Fuze drinks. He is funny and I love to joke with him. There are the usual Latino/Latinas who like to talk about the weather and how it is always changing here. One of them is a transvestite, but she dresses very nice and has a nice smile. Yep! Those are the regulars.

In other news, my moms best friend of like, 15 years or more, has just come out by leaving her husband of 20 years and running off with her gay female friend. Apparently romantic letters were found by her husband under their bed and she up and left him to go live with her lover. Its crazy! Its like "really?" But my mom freaked out and was like "I feel sick...That is so gross..." Mom wants to cut all ties and wants me to as well, but I want to stay friends with her...As long as she is happy! Should we not want whats best for our friends, and if her gf makes her happy then, well...yeah! Just as I was thinking I could POSSIBLY come out, this happens! Oh well...Its life!

I have met a guy who I think likes me and I like him back. His name is Lyle, we both have Asperger's Syndrome, and honestly, he is going to be the final guy. I am going to have my sister set us up on a date, since she and Lyle are fairly good friends, and if it works out, then great, I will keep you all posted, and if it doesn't...Well...You will all find out about that. I think he is going camping with us in two weeks, so I am pretty excited for that. =)

Well everyone, that is all I have for now. I will keep you posted on everything. Life has been crazy.

The Best Birthday Gift Ever...

2009-08-03T00:13:00.000-07:00

So today my friend Geri picked me up on his motorcycle to go bar hopping. I must say, it was the best birthday present anyone has ever given me. Its funny how the best gifts often are not objects, but they are moments that we will remember forever. I will always remember riding on the bike today with Geri, as I will also remember A and P calling me for my b-day and my dear friend N sending me a gift on my b-day too! =)

It was fun. We went to a restaurant and bar first, and it was okay. We went to a sports bar after that, and it was cool too, and then we went to this awesome bar with a band playing called "The Wilde Rover", and it was awesome! I need to hit up clubs next!!! If I didn't have to work so much...lol. Maybe next Friday or something...

Riding on the back of the motorcycle was amazing! I held on for dear life at first, but I relaxed quickly. The feeling of the wind going against you as the bike speeds up, the smell of his leather jacket, the ride itself, it was absolutely perfect!!! You feel so free sitting there, and its like you can do anything. I have ridden twice before, once on my uncle's Harley and another time on the guy from down the streets Honda. This was a Tiger that Geri had today.

I got a bit buzzed after two beers, but I did good at not getting drunk. The band playing was good as well. Geri and I talked a lot, and we needed to catch up. Its been awhile since we talked. He is bi and currently looking. Anyone interested? He has a motorcycle!!! Haha!

I checked out the Indian lady playing pool at the sports bar and Geri was like "you do have one weakness don't you?" haha! Yes I do!!! lol.

I got carded EVERYWHERE because I am newly 21 and I look 12. Haha! Well, next time, to the clubs!!! Oh, I tried Karaoke on Thursday, and it was fun!!! I will def. be back to that.

FINALLY 21...WOOHOO!!!

2009-07-31T13:28:00.000-07:00

So, I turned 21 on July 29th, and it was awesome!!! It started with me having to head to work/school for a meeting, followed by mother getting me and taking me to the mall with her friend Karen. Basically, we went to Nordstroms and I found this really cute dress, which I haven't worn a dress in like two years, so this is a first, and it was soooooo comfy and awesome and rainbow coloured, I just had to have it!!! So mom got it for me. I will be posting pictures soon. Then, it was off to the Dior counter to get a make-over, and I enjoyed that. I even purchased some mascara and Karen got me some lipgloss.

But, mother went into a panic when she realized she had set the dress somewhere and she couldn't recall where! I freaked out too! We went running thru the mall looking for it, and we couldn't find it. Well, can you guess where it was? It was on the chair at the Dior counter!

We got to the first winery, which is what I wanted to do, taste some wines, and they carded me. Abigail, the adorable girl who looks like Freida Pinto only with bigger eyes caught my attention right away. Words cannot describe how cute she is!!! I wanna go tasting some more at that winery!!! Anyways, they made me and Karen a "couple" when it came to tasting, basically, we share a wine glass and try the wine. It was funny.

We went across the street to a different winery where my mom had VIP tickets. She is a wine steward. It was amazing!!! I got in, and they were like "take a glass and carry it with you all night." So I did. I tried all sorts of wine, and after 3 glasses, I had to stop. There was tons of food and I met so many people, it was confusing and yet, a lot of fun!

Around 7pm, we headed up to watch the "Moody Blues" concert. I had no idea who they were, but the adults knew. By this point, we are getting 111 degree F weather, and my mom has had four glasses of wine and is falling all over the place. She keeps on flirting with dad and also some other guy, it is hilarious!

Because the concert is outdoor and it is so hot, there is an area where you can go and get wet, so my parents head down there and soak themselves. Then, since they both smoke, they head to the smoking area. Due to the hot weather, a man fainted and the paramedics came running.

I had to use the porta poty, and I got stuck in the stall...That thing is sooooo confusing!!! They had to tell me how to open it from the outside. lol.

Mom got really drunk and started falling all over the place, and it was really embarrassing. We get out to the car, and she is like lying in the front seat with her legs hanging out the window, trying to get dad to flirt with her. He is getting pissy. It stops being funny. She then says that we should stop at a bar, so we do. We all get settled in there, and then she goes out to have a cigarette and she falls asleep on the bench.

I get home, and my dad has gotten me a new bed for my bday!!! Yay!!! My sister got me a webcam and a keg of root beer!!! WOOHOO!!! My family is so sweet. I am blessed.

BUT...the next day, I had a really good time. My friends and I went to Indian food for lunch, and if you know me, you know I LOVE anything Indian...it was awesome! Since I lost an earring at the concert, we went earring shopping for me and I got a cool pair of dangly rainbow coloured earrings that I wore with my dress.

Dad and I went to the bar and I met up with my moms friend Susan, and she has tons of gay friends. Everyone sang karaoke and we had a good time!!! My dad is worried about me with the gays...yeah...he should be! lol.

Basically that is all that has happened so far. My friend Geri and I are going to bar hop on Sunday, so that should be fun!!!

My Money Mission and My Day..

2009-07-28T19:32:00.000-07:00

Recently I got a $50.00 bill from the bank that has a bunch of crazy writing on it. I was curious about what it said, and I knew it was a language, but it wasn't English. So, I ended up asking the people from Thailand that go to my school if it was Thai. They said no. I asked my friend from Burma if it was Burmese, and she said no, but it looked Hindi. So I found someone who knew Hindi, and she was like "nope, its not Hindi, but it could be one of the other many languages in India." So I went on a mission to find out what language was written on the money!

I found a Middle Eastern man at the library and he looked at it and said it definitely was not Arabic or Farsi. I found someone from the Philippines and she said it wasn't Filipino. I was hitting dead ends! What was it?

My friend from Burma found me again in the library while I was doing research. I was looking into Urdu, and she looked at it again and said "Oh! I know what this is!" I was like "What? What is it?" and she was like "Its Gujrati!" So we looked it up and sure enough it was! However, I only know one person who can read it, and I am going to have her read it to me on Saturday.

I got a job with her actually. I am going to help her dad update his web site on Saturday. I will get ten bucks an hour. Its nothing too special, but its a start!

In other news, I am turning 21 tomorrow, July 29th, woohoo! I am really excited. My mom is taking me to a winery and they are having a concert there. It should be fun.

Bumbershoot, this big concert Seattle has, is coming up and I really wanna go! I need to tell my siblings that I want tickets to it! Its $80.00 a ticket, but its 3 days and TONS of bands. The Black Eyed Peas, Katie Perry, Uh-huh Her, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, All American Rejects, I really really want to go!!! I need to!!! =) I need a b-day gift and thats what I want. Lol. I am so excited.

I think I am finally over Kim, aka Hatgirl. Lol. I was crushing on her so badly and now its just like "ok...whatever!" The right person for me will come along...All in time! Patience is a virtue.

I hung out with my Indian friends on Saturday and we watched Kupi Kapi Kup Kum or something...About a family and sons and blah blah...It was good! Thats it!

My Day...

2009-07-17T20:30:00.000-07:00

I woke up at the perfect time today, 11:30am. I got online and was greeted by my friend Nasha on MSN. I was also focusing a bit on Los Hombres De Paco seeing as Silvia is going to die/has died and I am curious about it now...lol. Sounds to me like Pepa is going to end up having a nightmare and everything will be fine! Relax ladies...Relax! It is after all, a soap opera.

After the chat was over and I had finished watching some lovely clips on youtube of Pepa and Silvia, aka: PepSi, I woke my brother up. "Dude! Lunch today." I said as I shook him. We had been planning to go to our fave Chinese place forever, plus he owed me for buying him his cigs. At 16, it is seriously his ONLY bad habit. He doesn't drink and he has given up drugs, so we all just kinda figure that if smoking is as bad as it gets, let him!

"What time is it?" He asks, rubbing his eyes.

"Its like 1:30pm." I reply. "You slept all day."

"Okay...Take a shower..." He orders me. "And be quick!"

"Yes sir." I reply back in a snoody voice, grabbing my towels from the hanger in my room and heading off to take my shower. I know he will take longer than me to get ready, but thats okay, I wanna eat my fave won ton soup today.

After I am done getting ready, I get out the bus schedule. "Aw what?" My bro complains. "We don't get a ride?"

"Nope." I shake my head. "Next bus is at 2:30."

"But...I gotta get my gf at some point." He tells me.

"Well, we can try to wake up sis, but I don't think she will be too happy about it." I tell him.

He nodds, but before we can wake her up, our dad pulls up. I CAN drive, but I have been in two car accidents and prefer not to. My bro is learning how to drive, but since I have only had my license for three years, he can't drive with me, it has to be with someone who has had it for four or more years.

"Pop's home!" I shout.

"Sweet!" My bro smiles and we get a ride with him. We eat lunch and chat about all sorts of things. He wants to get a job at ACE, a hardware store near our house. "I can only work part time," he tells me, shoveling some more of his Mongolian Beef into his mouth. "But it sounds like a good job and all."

"It is." I tell him. I used to work there, but I worked my way up in the job world and now I cost too much for ACE.

After we are both done with lunch, we walk around a bit and wait for our sister to come and get us. I can't go home as I have to head downtown and pick up some books from the library that I have on hold. Today is my errand day.

Yesterday I went to the dentist and got told my wisdoms need out, today I got an e-mail saying my books were ready for pick up at the library. My dental hygenist is a total hottie! Got lucky in that department at least. Plus she has that sexy Russian accent!!! WOOHOO!!!

Anyways, I have my sister drop me off at the bus station downtown so that way I can get around on the buses and she doesn't have to worry about me all day. She whines when she has to be my "chauffer". She is planning on spending the day with her best friend Paula, who is going to Romania on the 20th. Those two are TIGHT...as in joined at the hip TIGHT. I have to wonder sometimes about if they will end up experimenting with their sexuality or if they are just generally straight. Hmmm...Whatever!

I get to the bus station and the bus isn't coming for another 25 minutes or more. I head up the street to the cafe and get an Italian Soda just to kill time and because I am craving it. I see a hot tall blonde girl on my way up and check her out, but she def. doesn't notice because she is on her phone. Probably with her boyfriend or something I assume.

I get back to the bus station and I meet this dude that looks like Bill Cosby, but his name is actually Louis (Loo-iss). He tells me about how he is picking up his Mustang from the shop downtown and how he will be so glad to get it back because he is not liking taking the bus everywhere. We see our bus pass right by us and we run to it confused. The bus driver explains that she is going in the opposite direction and we both look embarrassed.

The actual bus we need comes a few minutes late, but that is normal. It smells like weed and sweat on there, and its not surprising since it was 90 degree weather today and extremely humid. In the back, there are the skater kids, they must be what is making the bus smell like weed I think to myself, taking a seat as far away from them as possible.

In the middle of the bus, two girls with corn colored blonde hair are sitting on either side of a cute little Asian chick. All three have Starbucks. "I invited Amy to the mall too, but I don't know if she will show." One of the blondes says, sipping her drink. The other two just nod.

Sitting by herself up front is an Indian girl reading a book. Normally I would talk to her because thats just what I do, but she seems very interested in her book and also looks exhausted or perhaps mad, so I think its best to leave her be.

A mother and daughter who are going to the same library as I am get on the bus and we all start to chat. The daughter is 14 and she is drinking an energy drink. "My friend told me that they put bull sperm in that." I tell her.

She just shrugs. "Thats gross, but I need the energy." She admits. She has a walk man, something I haven't seen in years! Its quite funny. Apparently her grandma sent it her way after cleaning out the closet. Her mom asks what she is listening to. "Ummm...Tori Amos..." She replies. Her mom nods.

"Your going to put the walk man back in style!" I tell her. She just laughs and nodds, sipping at her energy drink again.

In the back, a really old man was yaking away on his cell phone in Russian and it was hilarious. He didn't know how to work it and kept on saying "zdrasvoi..." over and over into it, but he refused to hit the green answer button. Every time it would ring, he would look at it like it was evil or something.

We all got off at the park and ride down there and I made my way to the library with the woman and her daughter who were also heading down there. I got my books and continued to look around the library. It was driving me insane that there were no gay books there, so I got on a computer, found some gay fiction writers on Amazon.com and put in for them to hold any books that were.

After that, I had a giant craving for Herfy's Burgers! I can't believe how much time I spent at the library...Time flies! It was already like 6:00pm. I walked over there, which it was quite a walk and the weather was extremely hot. I got an awesome burger and enjoyed it very much. After that, I headed over to this place called "McDoanld's Book Exchange", where they have all sorts of books, and I looked for Sarah Waters books. Sadly, they didn't have any!

As I walked out of there, I noticed an old Indian woman heading past me. She wore a yellow and orange Sari and her hair was very white. I could tell that in her day she was probably a beauty, and I shot her a very nice warm smile which she returned. I have a lot of respect for elders...

I walked to "Half Price Books", which was fairly close, and I still could not find any Sarah Waters books! It was getting frustrating! However, in the process I did spot a really hot girl wearing a Buddah necklace. I told her i liked her necklace and she smiled, thanked me, and played with her necklace a bit. She looked Middle Eastern, but I couldn't be sure.

After that, I headed to "Borders" to look for Sarah Waters books again, and I found them, but they were extremely expensive! I never spend a ton on books because usually I use the library, but seriously, these were like $25.00 books! I talked briefly with an elderly lady and her daughter and then I headed to the bus stop because it was time to go home. I had been downtown all day and as nice as the weather was, I was ready to rest and relax.

I got on the bus and headed home. I read most of the way there since the bus was so empty. As I approached my street, I could hear the usual hustle and bustle of my neighborhood. The Latins on the streetcorner shouting whatever at each other, the rich people who constantly fight in front of their mansion, the children riding bikes up and down the hill. I live in probably the safest neighborhood ever. I am lucky. Today was a good day. And as I get home, I am greeted by my parents, who act like they care where I have been all day, and I tell them, to which they casually nod and reply "thats nice Dear."

My sister and brother get home from doing whatever and Paula and my bros gf are with them. Mother wants to talk about my sister's new love interest, some friend of Paula's named Peter. He is a "good boy who wears a promise ring!" I remember when I was SUPPOSED to be attracted to those...I was NEVER attracted to those! Haha!

And that was my day!!!

INDIANS ROCK!!!

2009-07-12T01:38:00.001-07:00

I went shopping with my Indian friends today, and it was a lot of fun. We met downtown, and Janu and I started shopping first. It was awesome because no Needum today!!! Woohoo!!!

We picked up Enjuli later, and we were stuck without a car, so we had to walk everywhere. Well, Enjuli and Janu forgot money, so we ended up just browsing most places. I got two t-shirts from Aeropostale, it was two for 10 bucks! Cant beat that!

Enjuli told us about free slurpee day at Seven Eleven, so we walked all the way there only for them to be out of free slurpees! We were pissed! It was horrible. We found a phone book and called the second nearest Seven Eleven to see if they had free slurpees, and they did, so we walked all the way to the other side of town! It was 95 degree weather!!! CRAZY! We were sweating a ton, but Enjuli and Janu both talked about how much hotter India gets...

We got our free slurpees and then headed to Enjuli's restaurant, which is all vegan, and we ate a bunch of food for free. It was awesome!!! =) They made me try eating with my hands, which is Indian tradition. It was funny and fun and Enjuli got a picture. No, I will NOT post the picture!!! Hehe! I look sooooo ridiculas! They both almost fell out of their chairs laughing.

The South Indian waitress had a crush on me. I could tell because she kept looking at me and smiling. Enjuli told me she has a husband though. She kept on patting my back all night.

We all did accents from foreign countries and we talked for hours. It was a great night! The joke became that I now knew everything about Indian culture, and I did. They told me sooooo much! Their moms are both very protective of them, and both are the only girls in their family, Enjuli being the only child all together and Janu having a lil brother. I found out that they both have a lot of cousins and that Janu might be getting engaged soon. Yeah, it was a crazy day/night.

After dinner, I went to Janu's house, where we watched a Katrina Kaif movie...I liked it! OMG! Indian girls bellydancing on the TV = HOLY HOTNESS!!! I just can't help it...I get so excited!!!

I will try to add more detail to this later, it is really late here and I am soooo tired!!!

We Got A Bunny...My Bros. Girlfriend Is So Funny!!!

2009-07-10T23:44:00.000-07:00

We...My family...Got a bunny!!! He is so adorable!!! My brothers girlfriend, she loves to try to get the bunny to come out of his cage, but he just sits there and looks at her like she is stupid. I love the girl to death, she is so funny! She says "ewwww..." about all sorts of things. She refuses to eat, and she doesn't know where any countries are on the map.

She, my sister, my sisters friend, and me were all starring at the map that we have on the wall, and my sister's friend said "I am going to Romania for the summer." Which she is.

"Where is that?" My brothers gf asked...."is it here?" she pointed to South America. We all busted up laughing.

"Nope. Its in this area!" My sisters friend pointed to Eastern Europe. My brothers girlfriend still didn't get it for a long time! She then proceeded to wonder how all the islands down south were owned by the U.K. Once again, we all laughed at her. She is sooooo funny!

I cried like a baby in "My Sisters Keeper"....I am a baby! The last 20 minutes were just sooooo depressing!!! Don't see it unless you like to cry!!!

Okay...So...I have met a new girl who I will only refer to ask hatgirl. She is highly likely to be gay...I am sooooo excited she is in my life. We first met a few weeks back when I was hanging out at the registration office and she was getting ready to come to our school. We talked briefly and then I gave her my number. She didn't call me...I was bummed! BUT...I did see her at school when she went to buy books from the bookstore! I was soooo happy!!! Words can't even describe it! I got her number, finally, and we have been texting a bit. I wish all gay chicks had shirts that identified us!!! Like, the shirt should say "I am gay...I am single..." lol. I just want a way to know if she is or is not. I get that vibe from her! She wears sweatshirts every day and casual jeans and stuff. She is so perfect...I WOULD TREAT HER LIKE GOLD!!!

If you can think of anything that I could do to find out her orientation, please let me know! I am going to ask her what her fave movies are and stuff and if she says "Imagine Me And You" and "Fire", I am going to hop up and down and get very excited!!! OHHHH!!! *sigh* I will be in heaven!!! =)

Well, thanks for reading.

Two Words: Crazy Indians!

2009-07-04T23:37:00.000-07:00

WOOHOOO!!!! It was the Fourth of July today, and boy did I have a blast...literally I guess! Hehe! I woke up bright and early and got ready to watch the parade that my brothers gf was going to be performing in. She is on dance/drill team at school and my bro felt like he had to go, so we went! After that, my brother and sister ditched me to go to the mall...how sweet of them...and I was left at the beach. My friend Janu called me and we met up. She is Indian, and her friend Enjuli and her whole family were down there. (My parents are out of town because of a death in the extended family...boring! )

She introduced me to her family and the first thing they did after exchanging a few words in Hindi was beg me to eat. "Try some spicy food!" Her mother encouraged me. "Yeah!" Janu smiled and handed me a plate. And so I ate some Indian food. It was awesome! Her mom is a really good cook. Her mom has these cool eyes, they are like golden colored...its awesome!!! (My good friend P has similar eyes! You know what I am talking about girl...Sexy EYES!)

After that, all the children wanted sno-cones. This included the 14 year old Enjuli, Janu's 11 year old bro Needum, and her 5 year old cousin Nahar. I love Nahar! That kid is amazing. Once Needum sees me, he is taken by me. It kind of freaked me out at first, but I quickly got used to it. However, honestly, the kid is obnoxious to say the least. Janu explained to me that because he is a boy, her family treats him special.

The kids all head over to this fountain once they are done with their sno-cones and play in the water. After that, they run down to the beach and Janu and I are left talking on the shore. We tease Enjuli about being a good girlfriend for Needum and the both look at us like we are insane. "He would be good for my friend Priya!" She says. "Priya sounds like a car!" Needum argues. "A car would be Prius!" Enjuli replies. "Oh!" Needum walks back to the water and then we all walk back to where their parents have camped out.

We keep on walking around, and I keep teasing Janu about how many Indian people are down by the beach. "Look...There goes another one of your relatives!" I joke. She laughs. "Yep!" She says, nodding. We walk and walk until we are so bored of walking. We watch as an outdoor band sets up, and Needum and Nahor fight each other then attempt to fight us. Its pretty adorable.

The Indian moms suddenly pack up and want to go home, but all of us kids want to stay at the beach. They run around like a bunch of crazy people trying to figure out what to do at first and then decide that they are going to leave us there and come back for us later. Nahor is too little to stay with us, so he goes with them, but not before pitching a fit about it. "But...I am a big kid!" He shouts in English. His mom says something in Hindi to him and he finally calms down enough to sit in the car and go home with them.

We keep on waiting for it to get dark, so we can watch the fireworks, but it is taking forever. "I'm hungry!" Needum complains after having annoyed the living daylights out of us girls for the last twenty minutes or so. Janu sighs. "I am kind of hungry too. How about you guys?" She asks both me and Enjuli. I nod. "Yeah, I am a bit hungry." I agree. Enjuli says that she is not and that she is a vegetarian, so she will just watch us eat because she knows she won't be able to find anything veg down there by the waterfront.

We settle on a Thai restaurant where we all split two big plates of food. We all feel bad because Enjuli can't eat anything, but I ordered something with tofu so she can eat it too, but it has egg in it, so she can't eat it either! I never realized how hard it would be to be veg! They all talk about India and how they have traveled in and out of India their whole lives. I am filled with a bit of jealousy, but it quickly passes as I realize that I too have a good country that I still have yet to see all of. They still have yet to see all of India as well, they usually just go to the same parts. They tell me about their relatives and how they are pretty well off. We all joke about English accents and Aussie ones as well as Indian ones.

After lunch, which Janu put on her mother's credit card...hahaha! we head back to the beach and just chill. We decide to get some ice cream and Italian sodas. After that, Needum decides he is going to get some fried corn. Its funny to watch him eat it. We all hang out by this flagpole that is down there, and Needum and Enjuli try to play clapping games with each other. "You think I'm cute!" I tease Needum, who gets distracted and can't play the game right. "You lose!" Enjuli teases him. "Its not fair, she is distracting me!" He whines. "You still lose!" She says again. "Your no fun!" Needum walks off again and Janu, Enjuli and I are left to talk some more.

Around 10pm or so, once the fireworks are about to begin, the Indian moms arrive back at the beach and join us. Shortly after we have set up camp in a nice dry and shady spot, Needum decides that we need to go to a "better spot", so we all pack up and move...much to the displeasure of the Indian moms! By this point, Needum and Nahor have gotten $20.00 for some light sabers from the moms and have begun to fight with them on the grass. Needum leads the way for us to the dock, but it is cram packed, and the Indian moms begin complaining in Hindi...I know its complaining because Needum has begun to get embarrassed. He had not anticipated there would be so many people there. Poor boys pride was gone...

The fireworks finally start and we all settle down. Janu, Enjuli and I are all huddled together on the blanket while the rest of the family is spread out in chairs. Needum pouts that his spot would have been good if only the stupid people hadn't gotten there first. But after a few loud fireworks, Nahor begins to get a headache and cries. "Mama...Don't like! So loud." He whines to her. She says a few things in Hindi and then points to the fireworks in the sky and he smiles. He is one adorable kid. After that, he begins lightly swinging his light saber around. It was funny. He was just too cute!

Every time the "boom" noise happened, I jumped and Enjuli and Janu teased me. I admit it was funny. I also mistaked a plane for a firework...They called me a blonde American...Yeah! They were used to the booming noise because fireworks were apart of their lifestyle in India. They said that weddings and stuff were always calls for fireworks. The moms wanted to leave about ten to fifteen mintues early, that way we would avoid traffic, but there wasn't enough space for all of us in the car. The car was a five passenger, and we had 8 people. Not to mention that there were tons and tons of cops out...It was a scary experience to say the least!

I was smashed under Janu, who is way taller than me, and Needum had to sit with Enjuli on his lap. Their mom was crammed between us with little Nahor on her lap and the auntie drove while the grandma rode passenger. "Please don't let us get caught by the cops!" I prayed while the Indians laughed at me. "We do this all the time!" Janu told me. "Don't worry."

"I do worry!" I replied. "My parents are out of town...Imagine if I call them and tell them I am in jail because I crammed myself into a car of 7 Indians!" The whole car busted up laughing.

"And you think Indians are taking over the world, right?" Janu's mom asked me.

"Well, I was at the supermarket the other day, and the 'Deli' has actually turned into 'Delhi'." I told her. She laughed really hard at that too.

And I made it home safely...Thank GOD! Honestly...I was so scared that I was going to die!!! If we had crashed, and the 'auntie' isn't the best driver, I seriously would have probably died. I am so glad to be alive!!! But that was my crazy day with the crazy Indians! All of us girls are planning on having an Indian movie night! Janu has a plasma TV at her house, and she is equal distance between me and Enjuli, so, it is pretty easy for us to all get together there! It should be fun. I have a lot of love and respect for Indian women...I don't know why. Perhaps it is because they are very respectful...Or maybe it is because they know how to travel and have a good time...I just know that I love MY INDIANS!!! Hehehe! And all of you who fall into that catagory, whether online or in real life, you know who you are...Thank you for the good times!!! I will always love and cherish them. Hope you enjoyed that!!!

Crazy Churches! My Church Going Experiences...

2009-07-01T00:32:00.000-07:00

I believe in God...There is no denying that! I was raised Christian, and I always felt like I HAD to got to church. There was this Baptist church down the street from my house that I went to for a long time. I was young and silly and I had done zero research on the Baptist church in advance.

I walked in and I was greeted warmly, but for some reason, I never felt like I fit in there. Everyone was warm and everything, but they had all known each other forever! They had formed their bonds and clicks and I was never going to fit in.

I remember questioning a lot of things about the church. Why did all of the women stay home with the children? Why were the children so sheltered? Why couldn't a woman preach? Why couldn't a woman be equal to a man? Why did we always have to sing hyms that I was sure my GREAT GREAT grandparents sang? So many questions and so few answers!

All the men wore suits and all the women wore dresses. Everyone was so perfect! It drove me crazy! I remember I would always wear pants and feel so out of place there. I just don't have any dresses or skirts.

The Pastor there had a son, and this son was way too perfect. He looked like Wallie Cleaver! No lying! He acted like him too. So perfect in every way. I could swear he is closet gay and terrified to come out because everyone at that church is homophobic.

Everyone there was very family oriented, the average family have 4 children or more. Everyone was white except for the one Latin family and the one lady from the Philippines who was married to that older man. Oh yeah! And some lady had two black foster kids. They only came sometimes. They wanted ME to work in the nursery...ME + BABIES = BAD! I am not good with kids. I am horrible with BABIES!!! HORRIBLE!!! 3+ in age I am okay! Under 3 and I can't handle the kid.

I tried a different church after that, one that was very "open minded" and that was almost as bad, just in a different way. They spoke in tongues, and not that its bad to speak in tongues, I am just not used to it! As they were all speaking in tongues, one girl fell to the ground shaking, and I was like "Is she having a seizure? We need to call 911." I had my phone out, but one of the youth leaders took it and told me that she was "filled with the Holy Spirit"....Riiiiiight! I never went back to either church.

My grandparents on my dads side are Roman Catholic. They get up early and go to mass a lot. They pray for hours! They are wonderful people and are very sweet...I love them a lot, but man...Their church is very old fashioned. It also gets really BORING. Stand, sit, kneel...Over and over! They actually play the MANDOLIN there! And services are in BOTH English and Latin as well as Spanish for the people there who are from Mexico.

My brothers girlfriend is funny. She thought Turkey was a continent. She is probably one of the most blond people I have ever met. I am going to attempt to remember all the funny things she says and post them here for all of you to read because she really is hilarious!

Hope you enjoyed that! :) I am done with church for now! Maybe I will try the Methodist church at some point...Don't know yet!

Birthdays and Poker Games...

2009-06-30T03:51:00.000-07:00

Today was my friend's birthday, and we decided we were going to meet up at the mall. I called her first thing when I woke up to see what mall she wanted to go to and stuff, and she told me. I got ready to meet her, and I wore a white t-shirt, jeans, and a scarf she gave me from the last time I saw her. The last time I saw her was on my graduation. I knew she would be happy to see me wearing the scarf she got me. I caught the bus, and she had told me she would be on it, but she wasn't, and I was worried. Mind you this friend has no cellular phone, so I had no way of calling her. But she borrowed someones phone at the bus stop she was at and called me. I got off at the transit center only to see the hot married Indian lady who looks at me all funny...She goes to my school! I cannot figure her out. She always smiles really big when she sees me and stuff. Anyways, I saw her get onto the bus I had just gotten off, and I immediately decided that I had to get back on it. As I quickly attempted to get back on the bus, I almost tripped on my stupid sandal. It was funny and she giggled a bit. Yes, I am obvious! Hahaha! We talked briefly and then the bus took me to the mall I needed to get to. I went up to ZUMIEZ, a store we have here that has some cute hats, and I purchased a fedora. I love hats!!! Hats and scarves...Yes, GAY! Hehe! Anyways, my friend and I had a good day shopping. I spent way to much money. We went to lunch at a Thai restaurant, and we both loved it. I came out to her and she was okay. She told me that I had been through this faze before, which I had, back in high school, but I told her that this time it was different. She told me that she thought because guys had disappointed me that was why I was feeling like this, but I explained to her that it is not just a feeling, I have not liked guys in a LONG time. She told me I should get a girlfriend and experiment. I told her I was looking, but that I did not want a girl who looked like a man. She just laughed. We looked at books at the bookstore, and I found a book on sale that is called "Kalpana's Dream" by. Judith Clarke. Its about teenagers in Australia from India. It should be interesting!

I got home afterward, and my parents had a poker game planned for our family and a family we have been friends with for years. Long story short, the parents got divorced recently, and our family has remained friends with the father of the kids, ages 16 and 20. He loves to play poker, so about once a month or so, we end up getting together to play poker. Anyways, I am pretty good at poker. I am not AMAZING or anything, but I am good! I ended up coming in third in our first tournament, second in the second one, and second again in the third! I do pretty well. He, the family friend that loves poker, ALWAYS wins! I still had a great time! I had two glasses of wine, and it was funny because I was not so much tipsy as I was simply funny. I cracked jokes about everything! Yep! I love good ol' vino! hehe!

Can I just say how glad I am to have my brother back from Military school? The boy is amazing now! He is so nice and sweet!!! And his girlfriend and him have such a good realtionship...They just love each other. I really want to have a relationship like that some day. Although I know they are young and silly, both 16, I still envy what they do have and that is 'sweet innocence'.

Anyways, that is all I have for now. I will update this soon. Also, I am planning on doing a collage and scanning it and putting it up on here...Yeah! It should be cool. :) I will show you all when I get it done.

FISHING!!!

2009-06-28T20:39:00.000-07:00

So, my father and I went fishing today. We had a great time. I actually met up with some friends and we had a BBQ, where I teased the two Korean girls about moving in together. They are straight, but neither can seem to find a guy that they like. Not only that, but they have just rented a one bedroom apartment together. This made teasing them about each other very fun. "So, you are getting a one bedroom? How are you two going to sleep?" They both blushed like mad!

We ended up going on the dock to fish, where we met up with these crazy teenagers who were attempting to fish. One of the boys was trying to cast and he ended up casting his pole into the lake. There were no fish biting, but my dad caught two very small ones that he released while he was in his mini-boat. His mini-boat is this blow up raft from the 80s. Darn thing is older than I am!

My friends son wanted to learn how to fish, (NOT the Korean girl...she doesn't have kids!) and so my dad taught him on a lure how to fish. He did a great job, but he almost hooked my ass a few times! He was having too much fun with it! But his mom took him home. I joked with her that I wanted to kidnap him because he was so cute! She told me since he is her oldest, 8, I can take him anywhere anytime! I was like "Sweet!"

My Korean friends, the girls, they want me to find them boyfriends. I always get close to guys, usually because they view me the same as they do a sister. So...I have told them I will see what I can do! :)

Well, I know this blog is short and sweet, but I will blog more later, when I get more to write about!

What Makes A Romance?

2009-06-27T00:24:00.001-07:00

I have been thinking about this all day...What makes a romance? Does it take a man and a woman? Or can it be between two women or two men? Is it having a bride and a groom at a wedding, or can it be having two brides or two grooms?

I first questioned this when I was five years old. I remember asking my mother what was so wrong with two girls wanting to get married. Remember, this was 1993. People were appalled at this point because Roseanne Barr had kissed a girl on TV! My mothers answer was simple "that is inappropriate honey!" She told me. I never asked her about it again.

I remember thinking about how I wanted to be the prince that rescued the princess. I wanted to take care of her and be the main provider so to speak. I have never had a longing to be taken care of, although I do love to be cuddled when I am dating someone...and dinner getting paid for can be nice! lol.

I would never change my gender; I am a girl who likes girls...I am used to it! But in a wedding ceremony, I don't know if I would want to wear the dress or the suit or heck, we could both have dresses I guess! :) It doesn't matter to me! As long as we have love and the same morals and values and beliefs. And yes, I would convert for the love of my life! Not only would I convert, I would move!

I think that the one thing that makes a romance is love. Over the years, we have seen so many different kinds of romances. We have seen young couples "in love" (more like in lust if you ask me!) we have seen older people get back together over and over, (the late Farrah Fawcett and her on and off again boyfriend Ryan O'Niel) all kinds of relationships.

Its funny; they are all romantic in their own ways! With each one, people were placed in the right situation at the right time to meet each other and fall in love. All things worth having take time, and often, romances do too. It doesn't just happen overnight...You two get to know each other, grow together and then it happens! I mean, two people can look at each other and feel love and longing and know that they are meant to be, but you still have to get to know each other before you can spend a lifetime together.

How many of us have fallen for our best friend? That one girl that we met in kindergarten or elementary school, the one that we played with and hung out with our whole lives? I know that I fell for my best friend from jr. high and high school. I will never forget her! There was always that part of me that wanted her to love me too, that wanted her to be mine...all mine! But there was always that part of me that KNEW she would never fully be mine. I knew that one day she would get married to a man, and they would have children, and then grow old together, and a part of me got over her when I wrapped my head around that. I wanted her happyness, and I didn't want to lose her friendship! But another part of me does wish that I had gotten the courage to tell her how I felt, because honestly, I know she would have been up for experimenting!

I skipped that part of life; experimenting! I did have a few make out sessions with guys and my one amazing girl kiss, but nothing too spectacular! I guess I am too afraid of getting AIDS or pregnant. When BOTH of those are not factors, I am all for it and I will be more than glad to have SEX! Yep!!! Sex!!! Your blushing now...mwahaha!!! Or maybe not...lol. That word is funny. I am a virgin, and I am such a romantic...I just want to give myself to my future spouse completely...But...If someone and I were together long enough...Well...Who knows what would happen!

I hope you enjoyed that! lol.

My mother...lol

2009-06-25T22:09:00.000-07:00

Okay! So...I just have to blog about my mother and how funny she has become to me over the years. I remember when I was young, like under 18, and she would embarrass the hell out of me, but now, she is probably one of the funniest people I have ever met.

First off, she cries in EVERY movie. When someone gets married, she cries. When someone dies, she cries. When there is a sweet moment, she cries! When there is a romantic moment, she cries! Yep! She cries in every movie!

Not only does she cry in movies, she cries in life. If one of us kids is leaving, even for summer camp which is like an hour away, she gets emotional over it! If we are graduating or if we win an award, she cries. Maybe she has finally hit menopause!

She holds on for dear life when me or my siblings are driving. Its the funniest thing ever, watching her holding on, her knuckles white, the handle of the door looking like its going to come off. I can't help but laugh at her. "Its fine mother...don't worry!" We all try to reassure her.

She gets addicted to TV shows. She plops down in the lazy-boy and begins watching everything from "Americas Next Top Model" to "CSI". She will get herself all addicted to them and then want me to look up *spoilers* for her! Its hilarious. I am like "mother, that is last season, here, I can just tell you who won!" to which she is like "Well...okay..."

She also forgets where she puts things all the time. She was putting away food the other day, and she accidentally put the garlic salt in the refrigerator. I was like "mother, are you feeling well?" and she insisted that she was fine. When she asked me why I told her and she was like "oh...I am getting old..." Another time, her glasses were on the top of her head and she was asking me where she put them...I swear, she would lose her head if it were not attached to her neck!

When she is drunk, she is CRAZY! She pulled the string to one of my sisters friends bikini's once and the girl had to catch it before she flashed the world. My sister was mortified as was her friend. She also thinks everything is hilarious when she is drunk...You can say anything, and she laughs. Her friends are really funny when they are drunk too. Once, they tried karaoke...OMG! I have never heard such horrid singing in my life. I had to cover my ears!

I love to scare her! I will pop out of corners of the house and be like "boo!" and she will go "Jesus!" Its really funny! Then I go "What does Jesus have to do with it?"

Another time, my sibs and I had captured a spider in a jar, and we put it in the shower when she had to get up and get ready for work...Hahaha! She ran around screaming trying to kill it. Yeah...We had fun!!!

Today, when she found out about who had died, she shouted "What!? Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett BOTH died?!" and everyone at work starred. Then her co-workers ran around talking about it. Hahaha!

Another time, her co-worker Tim called her to get a gallon of milk from the back area, and she reached out to grab the milk, and someone on the other end grabbed it too and also grabbed her wrist and she started screaming. We need a camera to follow her and tape her every move. America's Funniest Home Videos would love it!!!

And there you have it...My mother! She is one of the funniest people I know! She doesn't mean to be, she just is! I love her to death!!!

The Cinema...Attack of the 18 Year Olds!!!

2009-06-24T20:50:00.000-07:00

Last night my sister, her on and off again boyfriend and I all went to see "Transformers 2". Yes, it is good! Hot girls, hot bikes, hot cars...definitely worth it!!!

But ANYWAYS!!! We arrived there two hours early, and since my sister was the driver, she insisted on dropping me off, leaving, getting her boyfriend, and coming back just in time for the film. Her annoying boyfriend didn't get off work until 11pm anyways, so I had to sit around the cinema for two hours waiting. Well, they let us in early, and I got really good seats. But...There were so many 18 year olds just out of high school there, it wasn't even funny!

Some of them knew who my sister was. I met them and we all talked for a little while before the movie. There were some girls to the right of me who had gone to a neighboring high school and I got the gay vibe from all of them. They were wearing those baggy silk basketball shorts and one was named Archie! (I assume its a nickname, but who knows!) It was lovely attempting to talk to them while they were texting. I don't know what compelled me to try to talk to them, perhaps it was the fact that my sister was taking FOREVER and I was BORED! We did NOT need to be that EARLY!!! But the seats were good.

Some hot blonde girls were sitting in front of us, and they were taking tons of pictures. "Oh! That is so going on my facebook!" One squealed as she looked at her pictures. They all giggled.

Right by them sat the geeky band students. "Dude!" One guy shouted. "The trombone, tuba, and flute are all white people instruments!" He, a white dude, was arguing with a black dude. "But the clarinet is almost always black!" The black guy argued. They all laughed at that. I got it...Clarinets are almost always painted black. An Indian guy that was in the group then argued that all instruments were Indian. It was funny to watch.

Behind me, the kids from a different school began talking about the oldest woman ever to give birth and how awkward that would be to be a 70 year old mom for the first time. They then talked about how people in the Bible were like 100 or something when they gave birth. It was hilarious to listen to.

Older people came in and saw how many seats were being reserved, and then the staff came in and ordered everyone to contact the people in their group to come and get their seats, because soon enough, the seats would all be taken. Old people ruin EVERYTHING! And no, I am NOT old yet! lol.

This experience took me back to high school. It reminded me of what life was like back then, that summer before we were all going to go off on our separate paths. Hanging out down by the beach, talking all night. I missed that. Parties...Oh the parties were so much fun!

For those of you that are still under 20, the best advice I can give you is to ENJOY YOUR LIFE! Once you are out of the teens, its not so much fun anymore. Responsibility is given to you and you are expected to act like an adult.

Keep smiling people!!! You all rock for reading my blog. :)

Appreciating the Little Things...

2009-06-24T19:54:00.000-07:00

I graduated college today. I got my AA degree. It is only a two year degree, but boy am I proud. I am the first WOMAN ever to graduate from a college with a degree in my family. My mother got a certificate, but its not a degree.

I got up this morning and I had no idea what I was going to wear. I tried on tons and tons of outfits before finally settling on the only semi-formal thing I own: a very Ellen style outfit, with black slacks, and a white formal collard shirt...BORING! I seriously need to go shopping.

I arrived right on time and in my graduation cap and gown. They gave me my tassels and cords and stuff to adorn the gown and then I lined up with my class. My dear friend, the one I only just now noticed, was there. We were both so excited. I hopped up and down with excitement a few times and my hat fell off. She fixed it. She...Lovely she! Hehe.

I went up and got my diploma, and afterward, my family as well as one of my good friends, were waiting for me. We went to eat at the Chinese Buffet, which is one of my favorite places for dinner. I like the variety, and its not too expensive either.

This friend and I have grown apart over the years. We bore each other at times, but she does help me to appreciate the little things. Which is what the rest of this blog is going to be about. The little things in life...

Those memories that we all have, like hiking and fishing as children. I will remember those forever! Once, we camped at this site that had a swing that you could swing on over a lake. It was amazing! The water was also very clear. It was a great experience.

Friendship is another thing to appreciate. Friends may come and go, but a true friend is around forever. They are that person that you can call about ANYTHING and they will be there for you! In my lifetime, I have only really had a few of these, but I am so glad for them. I will never take them for granted.

Flowers...I appreciate flowers! lol. All nature! Nature is beautiful.

My parents, the fact that they even bothered to come to my graduation...I appreciate that! I loved seeing them. The fact that they are willing to support me until I get a good job or get married, I love that about them. :) I have a roof over my head and I really don't have a care in the world.

The fact that I got and education, both primary and secondary, is a total blessing! I appreciate that. The fact that my country is a free place, where I have the ability to speak my mind and not be judged. I appreciate that!

Never take anything within your life for granted! Each and every day, each and every moment, it is a gift. I am learning that now. Where once I took everything for granted, now I realize how precious even the little moments are. I am sure that this is hitting my mother now...I mean, to her, its like I was one year old and now I am all grown up! Time flew. And that is how life is. Time flies! And in the process, we need to appreciate the little things as well as the big things. My family did not get me anything for graduation, they just purchased dinner. But the best gift ever was the fact that they were there for me, there to see me graduate.

Adventures in Babysitting...

2009-06-22T22:59:00.001-07:00

Babysitting...Ugh! I have had three experiences...Let me tell you about each of them. Ohhhh...And BTW: They were three different nationalities!

1) American. I walked into the house to watch the two kids, and I get a list. "Nathan cannot eat any of these things!" His mother informed me. Everything from cheese to milk to almonds to flavored water was on that list.

"What about Sarah?" I asked. "Can she eat?"

"Oh yeah! She has no allergies!" The mom replied. She wrote her number and I got to babysitting. I put on the cartoon "Anastasia" for them and they began to freak out at the villan, Rasputin, so I had to turn it off. After that, I turned on Barney and they sat and watched it until they got bored. Then, after they got bored, they started begging me for food. "But Nathan can't eat anything." I told Sarah.

"He can eat some things." She replied.

"Can you show me what he can eat so he doesn't have an allergic reaction?" I asked. I had to be so careful with him. She told me he could have toast and jam and so I made him that. Thankfully the parents came back and I handed off that family to my sister, who had just turned 13. She is much better with allergic reactions...I mean kids...than me!

2) German kids!!! OMG! Awesome kids!!! Their mom tells me they can eat ANYTHING and that they like video games and movies. I am psyched to watch them. We get to playing gameboys and on the computer and watching movies and stuff. Then they play with toys.

But...The two youngest end up breaking a toy train and they start to cry. I don't know what to do, so I turn on "The Sound of Music". The two youngest sit down and watch it right away, while the oldest plays his gameboy. It gets easier from there. They are amazing! The mom gets home and they have all gone to bed. I have cleaned the house and all is good.

3) Indian kids. WOOHOO!!! Now they were fun. I got to watch them twice. The first time, I learned a lot. The mom and dad were in a hurry. She was pregnant with baby number three, and the two kids I was watching were occupied with some Hindi movie. It was about 4pm or so. The mom told me when they got hungry that they would open the fridge and eat.

So...An hour or so later, they get hungry. "okay...there is food in the fridge..." I tell them.

"But I want McDonalds!" The boy shouts.

"Well..." I don't know what to say or do. "Your mom said we should eat the food in the fridge."

A few words in Hindi to each other, and they gang up on me. "McDonalds! McDonalds!" Both kids begin shouting. I am left with no choice. Since the town house is right by McDonalds, we take a trip there. They order hamburgers and fries and I am suddenly broke.

We arrive back at the town house, (I had a key...) and they both don't feel good. "Oh no!" I am thinking. Were they allergic to something? What went wrong?

The parents arrive home, and I have to tell them why the children are sick. "They insisted on going to McDonalds. I told them that you said that we should eat what was in the fridge, but they kept shouting McDonalds over and over..."

The moms eyes get wide. "They have never had beef in their life..." She begins. The dad freaks out on the children, who by this point realize what they have done wrong.

"I am really sorry...I had no idea..." I begin.

"Its not your fault. Now you know. And they should have known better!" She glares at the kids, who both look at her wide eyed. They know they are going to be in big trouble once I am gone.

I get invited back a few months later, after the baby is born, and this is what the mom tells me this time.

"So, they fight sometimes now. She will watch TV, he will play outside, its all good. But when they fight, just let them. Its normal. Don't call me unless they break bones or something. No McDonalds!" She explained.

I nod. "Sounds good!" I replied. And so, it went a lot better that time. They were older. She took the baby with her because he was so little.

The boy teased his sister about her singing. She was singing some song to the TV. I couldn't understand half of what was said at that house...lol. They flung their food around the kitchen...Curry is hard to clean up! But overall, they were fun and good and honestly, they could have been way worse! At least I didn't have a repeat of the time before!

So...Those are my adventures in babysitting!!!

Randomness...

2009-06-22T22:36:00.000-07:00

What is it about love that causes people to do crazy things? Currently, I am longing for someone. But...I am going to tell you the story of my first ever college girl-crush.

It was my first week of college, and already I had made a ton of friends. We were sitting around eating, when I spotted a lovely young lady sitting at a table near the cafeteria and eating her lunch. She was sitting so properly, and her hair was tied back so nice and perfect. Her skin was not too light or too dark, just this nice mocha shade.

She had the look of someone that did not like to have friends; someone that needed the walls around her heart to be broken down. I wondered why and how those walls had come to be, and I wanted to know more. I finished my food quickly and got up and approached her.

I introduced myself and she introduced herself. We hit it off right away. I still remember her outfit; a turtle-neck sweater and jeans. We became so close after that. But...Things went downhill after we were friends for a year, and I won't say anymore because if she ever does find this, she will absolutely kill me.

People change...Times change...We don't all always stay the same. But we as people have been given a gift that no other species has been given: we are given the gift of love! I do not regret having fall in love with her, and believe me, I was in love! I would have done anything for her! I am indeed the ultimate hopeless romantic.

That said, I am going to tell you my idea of a perfect date in my area. I mean, as long as I can carry on a good conversation with her, I guess its perfect! But...here it goes.

First, let's start with dinner. If your in my area, which is Seattle, and its Summer and hot out, I would probably take you to downtown Kirkland, where we have a lot of lovely restaurants to choose from. Then, I would want to take you for a walk down by the beach. The wind in our hair, perhaps our hands linked, and then, we could go back to either my place or yours and have some wine and relax.

Perfect WINTER date would be in a little town we have here called Leavenworth. Its a Bavarian village. When its covered in snow, it gorgeous...But not as gorgeous as you are Darling! ;) They have every kind of shop imaginable there. They have sleigh rides and carolers and beautiful hotel rooms that are usually decorated for the holidays. They have a giant tree in the middle, and its all lit up and pretty. We could go there and enjoy a sleigh ride, where I grab your hand and we cuddle a bit. Then, we will get off at a lovely restaurant called "King Ludwigs", where we will enjoy a Bavarian style meal. After that, back to the hotel(your choice if we have separate rooms or not...). The next day, we can enjoy some skiing/snowboarding up in the mountains. On the ski lift, we will enjoy some time together, and while skiing/snowboarding, you will laugh at how bad I am! After that, we can enjoy some hot coco.

What do you think???

My friends...First noticing...Lots of details...lol

2009-06-21T15:02:00.000-07:00

I remember it was about two weeks ago that I realized that I was starting to notice my best friend. Honestly, I had never noticed her before. Sure, the guys had been talking about how hot she was, but it wasn't until she walked into our art class wearing this white tank top and jean bell bottoms complete with Jesus sandals that I really noticed her.

My heart leapt into my throat and I was taken aback. She had put some brown highlights into her jet black hair and her sunglasses, Chanel of course, covered her lovely ice blue eyes. "I need you..." she grabbed my arm and led me outside. "I want to take some pictures for my myspace." She informed me. She removed her sunglasses and put them into her giant purse and continued to lead me outside. "Oh its such a nice day!" She shouted. I was speechless.

She had changed, and I was falling for her. She posed in her usual manner all over the school, and I remember thinking how I just wanted to take her into my arms and kiss her. She was so beautiful, and the way the light hit her, it was so hard not to be attracted to her. I know she didn't mean to make me feel like that, but it was just a reaction.

On the bus later that day, she informed me of how she liked a boy in her class. "He is so cute!" She stated in a very Audrey Hepburn in "Breakfast at Tiffani's" style. She kept looking at me then out the window of the bus. We all use the bus and/or park-and-ride in my group of friends. "Seriously...His one flaw is that he has a girlfriend." I nodded and smiled at her. She told me his name and then informed me that he was "nothing special appearance wise, just a typical American guy."

This is so normal for her. She loves to tell me all about the men/boys she likes. I don't know what to call the opposite gender in our age group. 18-29 year old males are certainly not men...they are immature and silly and only think about sex all day long! I don't mind hearing about her boys, afterall, it does give me time with her.

One of our good friends who is a guy really likes her. He has been in love with her since they met. I love to make sure she sits next to the window on the bus and I sit next to her, that way, he can't sit next to her. It pisses him off. I hate it when she wants to sit in the back of the bus, because there is so much room for guys to come and join. Those little alone moments between us...I swear I could just hold onto them forever!

But...She is straight! I will never have her! Oh well...

We had presentations recently in school, and she wore this amazing dress. You could see her back in it, and she asked me what I thought. "You look beautiful! You will do great." I encouraged her the way a best friend should. And I was being totally honest too...she did look GREAT! She smiled. "Thanks." She looked a bit shy, which is so attractive, and she asked me if the back of her dress was zipped all the way. "Yes it is." I smiled, coming close enough that I could see her back really clearly. I could see every bump, every little mark, all of it. I had an urge to kiss it, but she didn't notice that urge and I held back...thank God. She walked out the door, her heels clanking against the cold marble floor of the bathroom floor and I could still feel her presence just outside the door. I looked in the mirror and closed my eyes for a second. Why me? Why was this happening to me? "Keep composure..." I thought to myself.

The moment of my presentation came, and I was nervous! I was so nervous that it only took me like 3 of the 5 minutes we were given to present. When it was her turn, she took the full 5 minutes and explained way better than I did about each of her slides. I should have gone slower, but...Oh well! Can't go back and change anything. She went and changed her shoes from the stilettos she was wearing to a pair of average tennis shoes that totally did not match the dress. However, even when mis-matched, she looked lovely. We caught the bus together and we met up with the ever flirty friends who are her fanclub and have always been friends of mine. Honestly, I am not jealous that she has a fanclub, but I do admit to wanting her all to myself at times. But then, I worry that I will say/do something stupid when I am alone with her.

There have been moments when we were alone, like when we were studying, and she will be leaning over the computer or a book, and I will just want to push that strand of long hair behind her ear and lean in and kiss her. But it is in those moments that I realize that it would ruin our friendship if I did such a thing. So I hold back and just smile. At times, she does catch me starring and/or smiling, and I just tell her that she is awesome or beautiful or something! She thanks me and we get back to whatever we were doing.

The first time this longing ever happened with a girl, I remember it very clearly. I was in my first year of college, and she was older than I was and attending a different school. My mother had told me I should invite her to church with us, and when I did, she agreed to come. I was excited. This girl and I had become fairly good friends. Anyway, we got to my house after church, and we were in my room, and she looked at me and said "you look really nice today."

"Thank you." I replied, shyly looking down. "You look beautiful too." I looked up and into her lovely aquamarine colored eyes. We began inching towards eachother, both of us understanding that we wanted to take that moment to kiss, when my mother shouted for me. I sighed and my friend laughed. We never had another really strange moment, although for my birthday, which was held at a hotel, she did lean back onto her bed, grab some ice, and ask me if I wanted to sleep with her. Since my mother was there "supervising" I decided that no...That would not be a good idea! However, if mother had not been there, God only knows what could have happened!

My best friend from high school is getting married in two months. She is also very attractive. I have very attractive friends. But the thing about this girl, is that she is totally amazing and doesn't mean to be! She just...IS! She does not have a mean bone in her body and she smells like a seabreeze...But I was never "in-love" with her. I always felt like we were sisters. We always joked that were like "Sense and Sensibility", the Jane Austen book. I was always the one that got married to the old dude in the end...sadly! (Kate Winslet in the film). She was always the Emma Thompson...Waiting for her one true love. We were crazy back in high school. I always laugh a ton when I talk to this girl. We can talk for hours and hours and just laugh! She is soooo funny. I tell her she will one day become a saint...She is sweet, kind, caring, perfect! Part of me wants to hold onto her so tight and not let her get married and move far away, but another part of me is is so happy for her! I know I have zero say in her lovelife, and I respect any decision she makes!

Appearance wise, she is tall, almost 6 feet, and she has wavy hair just past the shoulder. Her head is shaped very Gisele style, but her facial features are not at all like hers. Her eyes are multi-colored, her lips are a perfect red like two rose-buds, and her nose, although very pointy, matches her face very well. She loves babies, surprises and romance novels. Every guys dream girl is what she is. But if this guy she is engaged to ever cheats on her...Oh GOD! I would hate to see what happens...She does have a temper, and I have seen it! Because it comes out so rarely, its BAD.

This best friend has a brother, and her brother is sooooo effing hot...he would be so PERFECT for my friend who I currently have a little crush on. I want them to meet somehow...I need to come up with a random way...They both need to think that it was RANDOM and UNPLANNED...Anyways!!!

So there you have it! My friends...I hope you enjoyed!!!

Things to say to annoying religious door-knockers...

2009-06-19T22:46:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking of funny responses to those annoying door-knockers who are from different Christian affiliations. Here is what I have come up with, along with my friend Steph! ;) Thanks Steph! If you have any to add to this, please lemme know!

To the question "Have you found Jesus yet?"

Shout "RUN JESUS, they've COME FOR YOU!!!"

"Jesus? Are you sure you lost him here?"

"I didn't know he was missing...but I can alert the police!"

"Oh yes! I am having tea with him right now. Would you like to come in and join us?"

Responses to "We will be praying for you!" or "Your going to hell..."

"Thanks! Can you pray for Ellen DeGeneres to go to hell too, so I can have a laugh?"

"Well...Hell is certainly going to be a party if I am there! Since your a Christian...Your not invited!"

OFF TOPIC STUFF...

Girl at school...Straight...Too hot to handle...And I always say the wrong thing...Its true! I do!!! I have said so many wrong, offensive, embarrassing and very bold things to her...Its not even funny! I used to NOT be attracted to her, but something in her has changed...Something in me has changed...I don't like it!!! I don't wanna be into her!!! No more!!! *shuts off interest like a light switch* I need to stop because she is STRAIGHT...No more liking her!!! Its not allowed and I need to be respectful of the fact that she is straight. Also, I value her friendship...But damn she is hot! lol. Anyways...Vented.

I saw "The Proposal" today. Its a good straight comedy...There were ZERO gay ppl in it. If you want to see it and laugh your ass off, GO FOR IT! I loved it.

Well, that is it for now! I need more topics...Please give me ideas people!!! Thanks!!! ;)

Family and some advice from personal experience...

2009-06-18T00:50:00.001-07:00

Well...Lately, my family has been teasing me lately for my staying up all night chatting with friends I have made on AE. "You got a new boyfriend?" my 18 year old sister asked me the other day, as I made my way through the kitchen with some juice. I just smiled and said "maybe!"

"That means yes!" She replied, smiling about it. She thinks she knows everything, and being my 'hot younger sister', she does have a little idea of what is happening. She tried to get me to date this guy, who she deemed "perfect for me", and it went terribly wrong! I guess that is what I get for not being out to the family.

My mother assumes I have someone online too, and I guess AE is a someone. I also have tons of friends on there, so, I am building my support system so to speak. When I do finally come out to family, I am going to need to talk about it to some people, and my support is on there! Thank you to my AE friends!!!

But by no means have I been hiding my sexuality either. "Man! Motorcycles are hot!" I said in the car the other day. Mother just nodded and kept on driving. Perhaps she was too tired or maybe she just didn't care, I don't know, but she just nodded, and that is so not a normal response from her.

And then there is the fact that lately, since EVERYONE is "coming out", my mom seems to think that if any of us kids do, it must be a faze! I am like "how can I tell her and get her to understand that I am serious?!"

It has been a fashion among the ladies especially. "I kissed my best friend...I must be gay! Hehe!" That is the latest thought among girls. No...Haven't you ever seen 'Cruel Intentions'? You need to practice on your friends! ;)

Not only is it the latest fashion among women, but girls don't realize what comes with it. I fully understand that if I get a girlfriend, I am expected to have a certain kind of sex with her, a kind that is different from what I would have with a guy. I am not scared, it does not gross me out, I get it! But I have to wonder how many of the "new lesbians" understand that not only is a romance about someones personality, its also about sex! They think that because their last boyfriend bored them to tears a girl can fix that; that she will be perfect for them and all that because she is not a guy...but they don't understand that it is a bit more complex than that.

I am tired of the fashion. While the latest newly out girls are physically hot, they are also total idiots half the time. "I like...went tanning...and...yahhh..." valley types! I don't want to date that! Although they do make good arm ornaments...lol. Trophy girlfriends...hehe! I want someone I can talk with about all sorts of things, and by the time we do want to have sex, we will know a lot about each other and we will be ready and it will be fan-freakin-tastic!

And there is one bit of advice I would like to give all of you questioning women out there: Try out both before you decide you are gay! It is OKAY to have girls that are your friend and you feel attracted to them. Its normal for girls to admire each others beauty...One can look at another girl and be like "she is beautiful." and it is a fact and an admiration and it does not mean you wanna do her and are gay. Don't go jumping to conclusions. Try everything first. I made out with a girl and I knew I liked it better than the last guy kiss I had, dated a guy, hated it, will never do it again...it took time and experiences for me to realize that I was gay. Not only that, but at five I was gay...I have known my whole life!

I have a very straight male friend, and he and I were looking at pictures on the internet of models. A good looking male model came up and I said "what do you think?" and I was actually being serious. He said "He is a good looking guy" and I was impressed. The first thing he said was "I am straight and I am comfortable to enough to admit when another man is good looking."

We as women need to see that as well. Before you go running off thinking you are gay, analyze a bit. Think "Is she just attractive, or is there something more I am feeling?" If you are feeling more, then you are possibly gay/bi and should investigate further. But if you just find her attractive and thats it, then...Your average! Even my very straight sister can admit when her friends are good looking and attractive. "Yeah, she looked hot!" My sister said about her friend at a recent school dance. Its normal.

I just want this fashion to fade, because for me, it is absolultely about the PERSON and not about the gender. Yes, I am def. lesbian more than straight, but...I call myself a 70/30. It is more likely that I will like a girl, but is a PERFECT guy came, I would fall for him...I admit it! So...I don't know if that makes me gay or bi...I consider myself a lesbian for the most part...but bi is also accepted.

So...There you have it. A bit more serious post with some funnies for sure! :) I need ideas people! Once you have read this, please tell me what to write about next!!!

Really?! Men...rolling eyes

2009-06-16T21:16:00.000-07:00

Men! I remember now why I no longer like them. Today, while I was eating lunch, one of my friends and I had to suffer through a lovely conversation about how women "expire" after 35 or so. I think the man found it quite amusing, but I hated it...

Every inch of me wanted to shout at him that men do too! That the older they get, the fewer erections they have and that at least I don't need viagra! But no...I kept composure!!!

From wanting to be macho to needing attention 24/7, men are way harder to take care of than women. While they would beg to differ, take into consideration the fact that men are babies! My father had his wisdom teeth pulled about ten years ago, and I remember him whining like crazy at my mom to make him food and get his pain pills all set up. When my mom had hers taken out, it was no big deal! Dad was in bed for a week.

And if they don't have their one day with the guys a week, they usually get into a crappy mood fast. I remember an ex of mine who loved to take Fridays and just hang with the guys. While it was nice and everything, I remember being like "hmmm...I wonder what he is doing?" I found out that he was playing video games, but...They can play video games for day and weeks and hours!!! AHHHH!!! I tried to call him once, and he was like "I am in a Halo turnee" I was like "Huh?"

I have never understood this mentality that they have! Addiction to video games, constant whining about pain, oh...and lets not forget sports!!! The need and urge to be "macho!"...UGH! I hate sports!!! Soccer, tennis, softball and volleyball are what I can play, and I like to watch those all on TV, but as for guys and their sports...I hate FOOTBALL!!! I hate it!!! I hate watching a bunch of guys in really tight pants run around and try to beat each other up. I don't see the point in it! I guess the point is to get the ball across the line...or something...No point! lol.

And then, once you start to get serious, like "oh, let's get married" serious, they freak out!!! "uhhh...no...I don't think so...uhhhh..." that was what my ex said. Oh, and he also said "m-m-marriage?!" hahaha! And they wonder why we are starting to like them less and less...

So...After all of this...Do I even have an inkling of an attraction to men left in me? I don't think so! And some girl I was talking to shouted into her phone to her boyfriend that I was "gay!" today...It made me a lil upset, but I will get over it!

My interpertation of the Bible...Hilarious!

2009-06-14T15:39:00.000-07:00

Where did God come from? And what makes God a man? How do we know God isn't a she or an it? A Christian would say that God is...God always has been and always will be. But how do we know? Have you ever had a true conversation with God? One where the two of you sat down and chatted? I have never seen God, but I do have faith that there is something greater than myself.

God is what people need to believe in. We need to think that there is something greater than us that made us; that made everything around us. We need that stability and that explanation for things. Things need to have a reason for existing in the mind of us people. Otherwise, we often lose our drive and our will.

But when it comes down to it, people have certainly changed since we first came into existence. Our bodies and minds have changed. Did we come from apes? I don't think so; I think we came from a hairy cave man type, but certainly not apes. And I don't know if it was God that created us or if we just popped up, but I do have faith in something greater than myself...I am only human after all.

But here is an idea on where God came from:

Back when people first began, there was no story about where we came from. A child asked her mother before bed: "mother, where did people come from?" and the mother replied "well darling, we were created by something."

"But what?" The girl asked. "What created us?"

"Well, God did." The mother replied.

"Who is God?" The girl asked, curious as any child would be.

"Well...God is...God!" The mom replied. "And God made everything."

And so the little girl was left to ponder. And when she grew up and had children, she told them the story of God like her mom had told her. And one of those boys wanted to be the first man, even though he was not. He was clever really. His name was Adam. He sat down one day and took out a paper and wrote down, in a language that his wife Eve had taught him, all about God. And Eve and him had children and those children had children. One of their Grandchildren was named Noah. Noah was bored one day and decided to build an ark. He had been reading the "Farmers Almanac" and it had told him there was going to be a flood. No one listened to him when he tried to warn them, and that was okay with him, as long as his family was okay! And the flood was bigger than anything the world had ever seen. The whole world flooded. They didn't know who to blame for the flood, so they blamed God. And it was now up to Noah to populate the whole world...And he manages to! Man! Thats a lot of sex!!! Or so we think...We don't REALLY know...But anyways...In the Jewish community, one of his descendants, Abraham, is viewed like a rock star! The man is seen as being up there with God! He is just that cool. And eventually, he causes a war that will last until present day! He decides "look, my wife, who is also my cousin, she can't get knocked up! There is something wrong..." and so he goes and sleeps with Hagar, his wife's maid. His wife knows about this, she is the one that told him to. And Hagar gets pregnant with Ishamel. Well, not too long after that, his wife, whose name is Sarah, gets pregnant, and she is lik 100 something years old...ewww...and she has a son named Isaac. And she tell Abraham "look, I don't like your kid Ishmael! Send them away!" and so, because we all know women rule their husbands, he listens to her and sends away Hagar and Ishmael. But supposidely, depending on the book you read, they get visited by an Angel who tells them "yeah...so...your gonna be great nation, you will always be bigger than Isaac in number and you will always be at war with him!" They were given instructions on where to go and they went there. And that is actually what happened. Ishmael is the father of the Muslims and Isaac is the father of the Jews. They fight til this day! And its like "Seriously! Your cousins and have more in common than you could imagine! WTF?!" But noooo....Stubborn people!

Isaac had a son named Jacob, and Jacob had a son named Moses. And Moses was raised by Pharoah's daughter because Pharoah was killing Jewish boys and his mother, Yohebid, put him in a basket and floated him down the Nile. No one knows what era that was really, but Moses was one of those dudes who was like "I don't know who I am...I need to start a journey of self discovery!" So he ditched Egypt one day and headed out as far away as possible. And he found the Midianites out in the dezert, and he married a chick named Zapporah! And they did it a few times and had babies. And then one day, Moses was out being a Shepherd and he saw a burning bush. But it turned out to be God! And God said "Moses, go back and free the Jews, your people, from Pharoah!" and Moses was like "Dude! I cant...I have stage fright!" and God was like "I am with you..."

So Moses goes and takes his family to Egypt. And he sees Pharoah, who is also his adoptive cousin, and they are like "whats up cuz?!" and shake and what not. But then Moses is like "look...I need you to please free the Jews!" And Pharoah is like "Dude...no!" So Moses is like "Okay...Prepare to feel the pain." And a battle ensues. Fire came down from the sky and stuff. And then, Passover came. And all the Jews knew what to do. But Pharoah lost his oldest son. And Pharoah had a break down and freed the Jews. But he regretted doing it. And so, he went after them. But as he hit the Red Sea, he got stuck and drowned. And the Jews were finally free! But now what?

Well, Moses came up with the ten commandments. They are basically common sense. Its good to know he had some. And after that, there were all these battles. There is also the story of Sampson and Delilah. Sampson got his hair chopped off by Delilah. He lost his strength. Whatever...he's a dude! Delilah was hot..Or so I heard! Anyways...There was also David, and he slew Goliath. This kid was like..."I have ADHD!!! I need to release my energy!" And so, the armies were like "Well, what can it hurt to give him a slingshot to play with?" And so, when the Philistines brought out Goliath, David was like "Dude! I am gonna get you!" and he did! And the Jews were like "Nice! We won!" As the Philistines retreated in fear of this lil ADHD kid.

And eventually, Jesus is born! But how can a virgin have a kid you ask? Well, God knocked her up...But there are all these possibilites that no one ever mentions. For example...there were tons of poppies in the Middle East at that point, she could have been high and not remembered having sex! Or...She could have gotten raped by a Roman soldier, they did that a lot to the Jewish women. And rape was not considered sex, so when her family called her out on "have you had sex Mary?" she could have said no and she would not have lied! So anyways...There can be logic applied! But anyways, Jesus came and he was like "Dude...I'm perfect! I am going to die someday to free peoples souls and to be the light of the world...but until then...I am going to be a carpenter!" And he was. I will say nothing bad about him because I love him...No matter if he was the son of God or not!

There it is! The Bible in a funny lil nutshell. Was it written about men by men? Yah! Is it all true? I have no idea! Do I follow it? Not really...But I don't kill people or steal things so...I guess I am good! :)

My first straight kiss...

2009-06-13T02:11:00.000-07:00

I still remember the day like it was yesterday. I had found this beautiful sparkly purple gown for homecoming in tenth grade. I remember fancying myself up to look perfect for that night. My mother and her friends all helped and I knew, that was going to shine, and that something special was going to happen as well.

I arrived at the dance, and all of my friends were in shock. They could not believe it was me. I was wearing really uncomfortable contacts and high heels, but I looked good. That was all that mattered.

The lights were dim and this Kurt Cobain look alike steps out of nowhere. I remember thinking "wow, he is really good looking." He turned out to be an old friend from jr. high who had moved when we went off to high school. We talked for a few minutes before I got all dreamy and girlie about him.

"Would you like to dance?" I asked him.

"Why not?" He replied. And we headed out on the dance floor. I could feel his breath against my neck and shoulders. I was going insane, something in me started flowing...I don't know what! I was sixteen mind you, and I had no idea about love or lust or any of it.

I looked him in the eyes once the song was over and I said "I think we should..." and our faces inched together until we were full on kissing. I remember not being impressed and not being unimpressed, I was just neutral about it. But I giggled a lot afterward.

I called my friend, the one I was also crushing on at the time, the girl with the black hair from Geography class, and I told her. She was happy for me and wanted details. That is it!

A Gay Kid...

2009-06-12T22:46:00.000-07:00

I was a gay kid. I remember those days. My family wasn't exactly rich, in fact, we were poor for a long time. Being white and living in America during that era, (the late 1980s and early 1990s) you would think my life would have been nice. But nooooo...We lived in a crappy neighborhood and also lived paycheck to paycheck. My dad did hard manual labor and my mom stayed at home with us kids. It was pretty classic actually.

I remember playing barbies with my friends, and it never went well. I always tried to throw Ken away and make my barbies marry each other instead of Ken. That did not please my mother very much. Not only that, I loved action figures. My cousins always sent their clothes to us, and they were all boys. I always wore boy clothes because of that. I loved legos and being outside too. I was a boy in just about every way.

I remember getting mistaken for one quite frequently after I got a really short haircut. I tried to play that up, but it didn't work. I believe that is when my love for girls truly emerged.

When I was going into second grade, we moved to a bigger house, and I remember getting to my new school. All the girls had crushes on certain boys, but not me. It was awkward for me because I just didn't fit in. Also, I didn't take a liking to any of the girls in my class because none of them were foreign or unique. They were all American...All the same as me nationality wise and not that interesting.

I remember thinking it was way better than my old school, and yet, I hated it there too. Basically, recess was spent climbing trees and avoiding everyone! I didn't want to chase boys or any of that. When we would get a foreign kid, I would attach myself to them. lol.

And that was life. There are times when I have wanted to go back and play "properly", but then I think "no, that would not be being myself." I like how now that I am older, I am me...I don't try to be what I am not anymore. When I was a kid though, I did. I even tried crushes on boys, and they were fake. I wrote about them in my diary and let my mom read my diary because I wanted to seem "normal".

Yep! That was my childhood. I was a gay kid.

My day today...

2009-06-11T22:31:00.000-07:00

I wake up and the first thing I do is head for the computer. Most people wake up and they shower, or go to the gym, and I do indeed walk the 1/2 mile to the bus stop after chatting, but I chat first. The reason that I wake up early to chat is because my group, "The Breakfast Club" or "The Threesome" or "The Threeway," as I call them, all live in a foreign country and they are awake then. We talk about all the most random things imaginable. From our hatred of spiders, to our love of one another as friends.

However, being three bisexual women, we do tend to flirt a lot. The flirting never stops. Our group consists of, and these are not actual names, they are more like first letters of names: A, a very sweet little lady who is studying hard to get her degree in law and P, who is currently working. A and P live in the same area, they are only an hour away from each other. I am C. :)

I wish we all lived in the same area and could meet sometime, but we don't. Heck, they still have yet to meet each other. So, as I am sitting at the computer early in the morning, my hair its usual crazy mess after waking up and my mind completely focused on the chat, I suddenly realize that I really...desperately...want someone! haha! I am desperate. And not for an internet lover, oh no! If I wanted one of those I would join e-harmony or some stupid dating site. I want someone I can meet, who can feel me and I can feel them physically. Perhaps that is why religion is something that I have never really understood and yet found so fascinating. How can you love what you cannot feel physically? I guess I am just a physical person.

I suddenly am curious to know why my two lovely friends haven't met up with each other. They live and hour away from one another, get along great, and they COULD meet, but they have not. What I wouldn't give to be in a relationship. I know...I am only 20, almost 21...I have my whole life ahead of me...blah...blah...I have heard that speech so many times, but these are the years when I should be out experimenting, out having fun and dating. I have spent my whole life being good and studying my butt off at school...Its time for me to come into my own.

My friends and I continue our chat, we joke and play a ton. "Your eyes are so beautiful P!" I tell my friend P. "Awwww...Thanks!" She sends back, using a smilie that is batting its eyelashes. "C loves flirting!" Announces A. "Indeed I do!" I reply. And the chat continues on like that for some time, us all joking constantly.

At some point, I have to get ready for my long day at school, and so I do. I do my usual routine of getting ready and then more than anything wish for more time to chat with them! I don't have any bi female friends at school, but I do have my dear friend M, who is a gay male. My day goes by rather quickly, as I edit my short 5 minute movie in film editing class and decide to locate M and invite him to lunch. He readily agrees and we are off. But not before I stop and flirt with a hot Indian girl on our way out to the bus. (she was straight and married dammit!) Then, M and I skip out the door looking like the gayest two kids you ever did see.

Arriving at the bus stop, I see my good friend Monica. She has to be one of the funniest people I have ever met. She is also adorable, but I don't have a crush on her or anything. M and I joke with her too, and we decide to play the "tampon" game. Its where you take the name of a movie and insert the word "tampon" for one of the letters. "Slumdog Tampon" or "Tampon Millionaire" are two examples. We laugh and laugh as we play this game. Monica asks what types of guys and girls I like and I tell her. "Manly men and feminine women!" I reply. "And as for trannies, the only trannies in their life better be either their automatic or manual cars!" She laughs uncontrollably at that and we continue out conversation. She asks me if I like motorcycles and I tell her that they are definately a turn on for me. The bus comes and the three of us get on. By this point, Monica and I are joking in a British/Aussie style accent.

M and I get to the Chinese restaurant that we like and we get our usual meals. Everything goes well and we gossip about people at school. M is one of those gay boys that likes to avoid the stereotypes that gay men have. He has his left ear pierced rather than his right and he doesn't really sound too gay, but he does wave his hands a bit much!

During lunch, I tell M that with a new pair of glasses, I should be more outgoing. I have had the same pair for a long time now, and it is so time for a new pair! He agrees with me and I decide that soon, I am so going to get a pair! It is time.

We miss our bus and both of us get really disappointed. He is now going to be late to work, but its okay! We talk a bit more at the bus stop, catch another bus, and I assume he makes it to work fine.

That was my day! It started and ended very well. :)

My first ever girl crush...And other stories.

2009-06-10T23:50:00.000-07:00

Well, one could say that I had TWO really...lol.

I still remember the first. I was five or six and in kindergarten...her name was Ramya and she was from India. She smelled like soap and incense and she had these HUGE brown eyes. We played on the playground and she was just learning English. I thought she was the cutest thing. lol. We moved shortly after that, but I still remember thinking that she was adorable and wanting to kiss her. I never did though!

My first REAL crush on a girl was when I was in 9th grade. I remember sitting in geography class and I remember thinking how boring it was. Mr.W was going on and on about China again, and I had zoned out as usual. I remember this wonderful scent coming upon the room and then I heard these high heeled shoes enter. She walked right up to the teacher, head down, shoulder length black hair hanging in her face, and handed him her pink-slip which stated that she was new to our class. Everyone looked at her for about a second before zoning out again, but not me. I couldn't pry my eyes away from the beautiful creature that had just entered the room. "Welcome..." he mumbled and then pointed to a few empty seats in the class that she could sit at. When he finally shut up, I introduced myself to that girl. I remember thinking that I wanted to poune on her and do...well...yeah! She smelled so good too. I later found out that it was "Tommy Girl" that made her smell so good. She had such great fashion sense too. She taught me about sex by telling me all the things my mother never told me. My mother would say "its when a man and a woman lie together, with no clothing on, and they have intercourse." but my new friend would say "well, he is going to first have to get aroused..." and she would go into great details. I was so happy to have someone who would tell me all of these things, even if I didn't REALLY care. Although, like any typical teenager, I did want to experiment. I remember when she broke up with this one guy, who I knew was a horny boy, I took full advantage of that situation. We were in 10th grade I believe, and he was going to be moving to Chicago. She and I were in some fight, but I remember taking this guy and getting him to teach me how to kiss. I had been kissed a few times, but never for REAL. He taught me a lot. I will always be greatful to him for that. And after we all graduated, we all went our separate ways. She went on to get a college degree of some sort and is now married. We rarely speak, but when we do, we reminisce about the past. The movie of the year was "Cruel Intentions". "Sex And The City" had just gotten BIG as well as Mr. Big...We would talk about it all night. I remember laughing while being slightly drunk and we would try to have conversations like that. Good times. Once it is all gone, all you have left are the memories. We never did kiss, although we did dance in her kitchen once.

My first girl kiss came when I was in grade 11. I remember it was at a party with a lot of friends. My friend S, a guy, had a giant crush on my friend N, a girl. I remember being pissed about it because N was my BEST friend at the time, and I thought she was WAY TOO GOOD FOR S! (she so was!) Anyway, S suggested playing "spin-the-bottle" so he could at least try to kiss N. She had agreed and so we all played. I remember at the time, just to fit in, I pretended to like N's younger brother D...it was an act, although he was really hot and for a short time, I thought I was in love with him. Well, the exchange student, who was a girl and was totally drunk, spun the bottle and it landed on me. I remember my pulse went up wayyy high as a bunch of guys started clapping and shouting "do it! do it!" to us. So, I got up all the courage I had, stood up, and walked over to the beautiful exchange student who greatly resembled Celine Dion. I leant down and gave her a kiss, and all the guys cheered. I could feel her soft lips against mine, and I didn't really want it to end, but as she gently took my bottom lip in hers and then stopped, she gave a little laugh and leaned backwards. "I think everyone enjoyed that..." she said, her voice a bit groggy. The guys laughed and wanted us to kiss again, but it was now my turn to spin the bottle. It landed on a guy and the moment had gone as quickly as it had come. On the ride home, she and I cuddled in the back seat of the car. I remember thinking of how the kiss had strengthened our bond. It really had. Sadly, she had to go back to her home and I belive I became but a memory to her...But she will always be in my thoughts! :)

Thanks for reading!

Your the hottest thing I've seen since the sun...

2009-06-10T10:29:00.000-07:00

That is a new pickup line that I have thought of. I don't know if I will ever use it or not, but I might try! Supposedly, rumor has it, there is a hot girl at the gym at school. I really need to get there and flirt with her. We might make a perfect match. :) In other news: Anyone with a name that starts with a P who marries anyone named Megan, your kids are gonna be Pagans! Haha! So...Politics! I can't believe what is going on in North Korea. I wonder why South Korea doesn't just invade them and take over.

My mother is one of the sappiest people I have ever met. She cries in Hallmark movies, she cries in Lifetime movies, she even cries in movies she has already seen. If someone dies, she cries! If two people fall in love, she cries! But the romance must be straight of course...if its a gay couple, she grosses out! I will be sitting there, totally getting all romantic about a gay couple, and then my mother will go "ewww...that is just wrong!" Suddenly, the moment is ruined. I can't believe how different that generation is from ours. Both my parents smoke and they both are homophobic. Not only that, they are stuck in the 1970s. "Why is gas so much?" My mother complains. "When I was a kid, it only costs 75 cents a gallon!" They are starting to sound old. But somehow, after being married FOREVER, they no longer threaten to divorce each other at the smallest thing. Instead, they get along better than ever.

Today is the day of my sister's graduation from high school. Its not like she is giving a speech or anything, so I don't feel all that compelled to go. I hate big crowds and stadiums...I wish I wasn't such a wuss! But that is not really why I am ditching her graduation: I have an evening class. You miss 3 or more classes, and you get marked down a full letter grade. I was really late to two classes and I think I got marked absent, so I can't miss this one!

I have a crazy set of instructors this quarter. My HTML teacher, her eyebrows are tattooed on! It's scary how she looks at people. When her eyebrows go up, OMG! I can't look at her! My portfolio class teacher looks like Teagan Quinn. I am convinced she is gay! And my web design teacher, he looks like Shreck, just not as green! Haha! Crazy bunch they are!!!

Well...Hope you enjoyed my ramblings!!!

You Need To Be Less Picky...

2009-06-06T22:48:00.000-07:00

I am not that interested in men! There...I typed it! Haha! My family always tells me that I need to be less picky when it comes to dating men...They think I am straight! I still can't tell them how I really feel. I guess if a guy stole my heart, I would have to give him a chance, but it is so rare that I am ever even remotely interested in a guy.

My sister, who is 18 and I am 21, has this boy that she has been on and off dating for the last year or two. He is chubby and a total gamer as well as a competitive type. He comes over and sleeps on our sofa during the weekends, and God only knows what goes on between them...I so don't want to think about it. My sister loves cuddling with him, she says that he is perfect at it. But...He smells bad, and not only does he smell bad, he drinks and he forgets to shave, and...Now I see why I don't like guys.

After he leaves on Sunday, I usually get the third degree from my family. "Why don't you get a boyfriend?" They ask, as I lean back and sit manly style on the couch. Can't they see that I am just not interested in men? I have tried telling them in years past, but they don't listen! I told my mother when I was in high school, and she proceeded to tell me all about every form of sex. I went back into the closet after that.

Am I picky? Yes! I admit it. I have never slept with ANYONE!!! I am such a good girl, I have waited my whole life for my one true love, and a part of me wants them to wait for me too. I could understand them sleeping with one or two other people, but not more than that please!

But as for the "you need to be less picky" speech that I keep on getting from my family, well, they need to appreciate that I have a standard. I also have a brother, and he asks me on a regular basis if I have a boyfriend. "No..." I say. "What about that one dude who was calling you?" He asks me. "Well, we are just friends." I reply. And the conversation goes from there. He wants to know why I don't ever date the guys who are interested in me and I tell him that none of them ever interest me enough.

My conservative friends are the same way as he is. They want to know why I don't take a chance and date someone, especially someone from the church. I remember, not too far back, I was trying to be a good Christian girl. I was attending a Baptist church, and all the girls my age had crushes on the pastor's son. I never saw what was so awesome about him, in fact, he looked like Wallie Cleaver! I was convinced he was gay for the longest time. All the girls from that church went off to Christian colleges and came back with boyfriends. I didn't...I never cared enough! And I got questioned on it a lot. I also never wore skirts or dressed or acted like any of the other girls at church.

And as usual, my friends all told me "you need to be less picky! Of course you should date a good Christian guy, but...Perfection doesn't exist...Even the Bible says that."

Around that time, I decided that I didn't like church!!! I was bored. I no longer wanted to be told how to think or what was right and wrong. I didn't want to be told that men were better than women and I hated how I felt when I was there. Of course, the closeness was nice, but at the same time, I always felt judged. I wasn't out there or anything, but at the same time, they knew there had to be a reason for me never having a boyfriend. I had had one serious relationship...And they knew about it only because it was a guy. He is the only guy I have ever really dated...I have gone out on dates, but they were just that; dates!

Well...There it all is! I am tired of hearing that I need to be less picky because I like my standard! My standard is good and honestly, it keeps me safe! I don't get heartbroken every week because of it...And for those curious, I am bisexual and pretty open about it!