Stressed...Depressed....And Out!
For the last five months, I have greatly feared my parents finding out about my orientation. I have constantly deleted internet browsing history, avoided the topic at all costs and pretended like I was checking out guys and actors. However, it was a series of crazy events that lead up to me coming out.
On Sunday, October 18, I went to the movies for what would be my FINAL "date" with Holly. After everything, all she was feeling was friendship. I had done my best to be a perfect gentleman, to constantly take care of her, and after a long conversation about how it wasn't me and how she felt like we were better as friends and too much was going on in her family life to have a relationship, it was over. I was so depressed, I had never felt so sad!
I went in the house and looked really depressed. My family was onto something, but they didn't really talk to me about it. At school, I was sad and irritable all week. Sure, I was aware that she and I probably wouldn't get married, and that indeed her family was probably a majority of the reason we were not working at the moment, but still, I was down on myself about it.
I went to see my counselor Neera for an appointment on Wednesday and I just vented about everything. Neera is a 37 year old Indian woman from Mumbai who has a sexy accent and lovely chocolate brown eyes with think eyelashes. Neera basically let me talk my feelings out, and I came to realize that no girl was worth my tears and the one that is would not make me cry. That is totally something I should have realized on my own, from the start, but it took hearing a woman who has been through an arranged marriage tell me it for it to really hit home! A romantic Indian who knows that even though her parents picked her husband out, he still loves her and she still loves him. In its own right, it is romantic.
My uncle and I had spoken about my gayness on Wednesday, while we were watching TV. I told him everything and talked to him about my feelings. He told me that my parents probably already knew, but that he and my aunt would be supportive of me and we could all tell them together. I had been stressing about my orientation long enough, it was time I finally talked about it.
Thursday was a crazy day. My teacher is a hot lesbian who is a total veg. She is short and has blonde hair down to the shoulder and multi-colored eyes. The spinning ring on her left thumb gave away that she was gay to me right away, and I quickly became comfortable with her and in her class. After being told by Tatiana, the really hot Russian mom in the class, that I have a 'good energy', I was in a pretty good mood. I got home and I paced my room a bit and then I made the decision to come out.
I walked into the living room and told everyone sitting in there the truth. I had written a letter, and I am sure my mom has saved it somewhere, but none of them looked or acted too surprised. Mom told me that she had always known I was at least bi and that she would always view me as bi because a little part of her hoped I would marry a guy someday. She asked what would happen if I ended up with a woman long-term and we wanted to have children...would I be mother or father or second mom or what? I told her that it would be addressed when the time came, but that chances were we would both be mom.
I left for my trip to the state capitol of Olympia on Friday morning. Its about an hour drive from my house. I told the group I was going with that I had come out and they all told me how proud they were of me. Aaron, this guy who is a total redneck hick made me laugh a lot the whole trip. We talked about girls and just had a great time.
At lunch on Friday, we talked about how the rest of the trip was going to go. Basically, we would arrive at the hotel, check in, go to classes on what hearings would be like and then attend an actual hearing where we would then present a proposal to the legislature, or rather, two members of the legislature and the rest of the members were our advisors, like my boss Sheila. The room was crazy and I was so scared. I puked and then managed to do okay after that.
Once everything was over, I was glad to be getting home. I honestly was missing my family. Now, its Saturday night and my sisters friends from the marines are in town. My sister and her friend Paula are so drunk they were kissing each other and saying how they would be a good couple if one of them were a guy. Paula is now cuddling with one of the marines and my sister Jenny was wrestling with Paul, the guy she likes from the marines. The marine ball is coming up and the new joke is "can they find me a girl marine to take to the ball before then?" hahaha! That would actually be awesome. My brother is asleep in my sisters bed with his girlfriend because the marines are in the living room with my sister and Paula, my aunt and uncle are in the back room which is also my brothers room, and I am using my room. Ewwww! If I were my sister I wouldn't want to sleep in my bed ever again. lol.
Well, I hope you enjoyed that!
On Sunday, October 18, I went to the movies for what would be my FINAL "date" with Holly. After everything, all she was feeling was friendship. I had done my best to be a perfect gentleman, to constantly take care of her, and after a long conversation about how it wasn't me and how she felt like we were better as friends and too much was going on in her family life to have a relationship, it was over. I was so depressed, I had never felt so sad!
I went in the house and looked really depressed. My family was onto something, but they didn't really talk to me about it. At school, I was sad and irritable all week. Sure, I was aware that she and I probably wouldn't get married, and that indeed her family was probably a majority of the reason we were not working at the moment, but still, I was down on myself about it.
I went to see my counselor Neera for an appointment on Wednesday and I just vented about everything. Neera is a 37 year old Indian woman from Mumbai who has a sexy accent and lovely chocolate brown eyes with think eyelashes. Neera basically let me talk my feelings out, and I came to realize that no girl was worth my tears and the one that is would not make me cry. That is totally something I should have realized on my own, from the start, but it took hearing a woman who has been through an arranged marriage tell me it for it to really hit home! A romantic Indian who knows that even though her parents picked her husband out, he still loves her and she still loves him. In its own right, it is romantic.
My uncle and I had spoken about my gayness on Wednesday, while we were watching TV. I told him everything and talked to him about my feelings. He told me that my parents probably already knew, but that he and my aunt would be supportive of me and we could all tell them together. I had been stressing about my orientation long enough, it was time I finally talked about it.
Thursday was a crazy day. My teacher is a hot lesbian who is a total veg. She is short and has blonde hair down to the shoulder and multi-colored eyes. The spinning ring on her left thumb gave away that she was gay to me right away, and I quickly became comfortable with her and in her class. After being told by Tatiana, the really hot Russian mom in the class, that I have a 'good energy', I was in a pretty good mood. I got home and I paced my room a bit and then I made the decision to come out.
I walked into the living room and told everyone sitting in there the truth. I had written a letter, and I am sure my mom has saved it somewhere, but none of them looked or acted too surprised. Mom told me that she had always known I was at least bi and that she would always view me as bi because a little part of her hoped I would marry a guy someday. She asked what would happen if I ended up with a woman long-term and we wanted to have children...would I be mother or father or second mom or what? I told her that it would be addressed when the time came, but that chances were we would both be mom.
I left for my trip to the state capitol of Olympia on Friday morning. Its about an hour drive from my house. I told the group I was going with that I had come out and they all told me how proud they were of me. Aaron, this guy who is a total redneck hick made me laugh a lot the whole trip. We talked about girls and just had a great time.
At lunch on Friday, we talked about how the rest of the trip was going to go. Basically, we would arrive at the hotel, check in, go to classes on what hearings would be like and then attend an actual hearing where we would then present a proposal to the legislature, or rather, two members of the legislature and the rest of the members were our advisors, like my boss Sheila. The room was crazy and I was so scared. I puked and then managed to do okay after that.
Once everything was over, I was glad to be getting home. I honestly was missing my family. Now, its Saturday night and my sisters friends from the marines are in town. My sister and her friend Paula are so drunk they were kissing each other and saying how they would be a good couple if one of them were a guy. Paula is now cuddling with one of the marines and my sister Jenny was wrestling with Paul, the guy she likes from the marines. The marine ball is coming up and the new joke is "can they find me a girl marine to take to the ball before then?" hahaha! That would actually be awesome. My brother is asleep in my sisters bed with his girlfriend because the marines are in the living room with my sister and Paula, my aunt and uncle are in the back room which is also my brothers room, and I am using my room. Ewwww! If I were my sister I wouldn't want to sleep in my bed ever again. lol.
Well, I hope you enjoyed that!
posted by Cari373 at
1:10 AM
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