Sooooo...

Well, I have been getting out more since my computer has been broken, however, I can't say I like not having a computer all that much. In fact, I hate not having a computer...I HATE IT!!! I am cut off from my online friends and its not that I don't have "real life" friends, because I do have friends that I know in day to day life, they just don't really have time to hang out.

But...In day to day life, here is a bit of an update! Basically, there is this girl who works up at the Blockbuster by my house, and I get the gay/bi vibe from her and I am very curious! At this point, I am looking for FRIENDS. All the rest of you can go and have as much romance and sex as you want, but I just want to get to know someone and see if it can become more.

At work on Monday or Tuesday, I don't recall which one, there were these two girls that came in and looked a lot like Tibette (Tina and Bette from "The L Word") only with a shorter Bette. It was really funny and quite cute. I did wonder if they were together or not because I do live in Seattle and there are a lot of Lesbians out there.

On Friday, my friend Diana and I went out bar hopping, and it was a lot of fun! We started off in Kirkland and we went to this bar, Lucia, which charged Diana $10.00 for a Martini. She was in SHOCK! I was laughing because seriously...she should have asked for the price list. My beer was $3.00. We took the bus to Redmond, which is like 10 minutes from Kirkland, and we hit up this bar called Palmers, which was a lot of fun. Basically, we got some good food there and drank Heinekin and this guy made me dance with him. (I was coming back from the bathroom, and he grabbed me and made me dance with him!) He was so plastered and when he asked my name and I told him, he said "what?! Lori?!" I was like "No! Carissa!" and he was like "I'm Jon! It's great to meet you Lori!" Then, this Lesbian couple came and showed us how to swing dance, they were amazing! I learned a lot from them and everyone got a chance to dance with everyone, which was really cool. Diana was too scared to dance. haha! After that, we walked to this new bar, I forget the name, but RickyVenture, this local Seattle band, was playing and they weren't too bad, but they were really loud.

Saturday I hung out with my Indians again, but not for long because it was poker night at my house. I got paid $30.00 by Anjali's dad because he decided to use my logo in his project, so, yay for me!!! I finally got some work in my field and I got paid for it. I lost a bunch at poker...Oh well! At least buy in is CHEAP! Haha!

In celebrity news:

• Melrose Place is starting on September 8, and there is going to be a lesbian kiss between two characters in the pilot episode, so stay tuned!!
• DJ AM sadly died of a drug overdose on Friday night.
• Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant by her boyfriend Scott Disick. No news yet on when she is due.
• Rumours are swirling that Colin Farrell got his girlfriend, Alicja Bachleda, pregnant. We know Colin has no problem getting the ladies pregnant because he got his ex gf pregnant 5 years ago and he has a son.
• "Grey's Anatomy" star Ellen Pompeo and husband Chris Ivery are expecting a baby girl in October. Katherine Heigl hosted the baby shower for them.
• Ted Kennedy died on Friday...He is certainly the longest lasting Kennedy in many years!
• Shamim Sarif, our favourite lesbian director, has two new films that will be out in 2011. Here is what her site had to say about each one.
• THE DREAMING SPIRES Adapted from Shamim Sarif’s published short story The Reader, the film is set in post-War Oxford, England. Twenty year old American student Joseph Connor takes a job reading to an unconventional young woman, a blind English professor at Oxford University. Kate Graves is thirty, married to a wealthy war veteran. Her sharp wit and striking beauty find an unexpected soul mate in the shy, sensitive Joseph.As in The Remains of the Day, the passion which grows between them is marked, but subtle. Their ages, cultures and circumstances may conspire to keep them apart, but Joseph forces Kate to look at the empty core of the life she has so determinedly built for herself, while she provides the young student and aspiring writer with the confidence and trust that he needs to believe in himself. Soon entering pre-production, The Dreaming Spires is a love story that transcends the usual coming-of-age conventions.
• DESPITE THE FALLING SNOW A powerful, epic love story, Despite the Falling Snow moves effortlessly across eras and continents, between present day Boston and 1950’s Moscow, to unfold an enthralling drama of love, treachery and redemption.
  After an early career amongst the political elite of Cold War Russia, Alexander Ivanov has lived in America for forty years and has managed to bury the tragic memories surrounding his charismatic late wife, Katya – or so he believes.
  For into his life come two women - one who will start to open up the heart he has protected for so long; another who is determined to uncover the truth about what really happened to Katya all those years ago. The story’s journey back to post Stalinist Moscow takes us into a breathtaking world of true love lost, and of friendships betrayed.The movie, now in development, is based on Shamim Sarif’s highly acclaimed second novel and has been described as "a story which is, literally, breathtaking." (The Good Book Guide)

I might just have to read that book...Despite the Falling Snow...It sounds sooooo good!

My top two songs at the moment are:

1. Te Amo - Rihanna
2. Old School -Hedley

Thats everything!!! I hope you enjoyed that.

The Last Three Days...

They say that everything happens for a reason...Some people believe that we are the products of our choices while others believe solely in fate and destiny. Honestly I don't know what I believe in anymore! But in the last three days, I have reflected on life a lot more than I had ever imagined I would. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the blog.

It was early Friday morning, and when I say early, I mean like 1am early, and my friends from out of town had just arrived. I had not anticipated this at all, I was expecting them to come around 8am or 9am, but sure enough, there were here at 1am. Alex, the little character that he is, now 8 years old, comes running into the house shouting "that was way too long in the car! I think we were in there for like nine hours!" He is so cute.

His parents come in and get settled, they take over my sisters room because her bed is the largest, a queen, and she takes the sofa in the den. Then, they all just want to sit and talk. They discuss everything from the drive here to what they want to do while they are in town. They are here because of a wedding, and that will take place on Saturday.

So, we all go to bed around 2:30am. I have a big day ahead of me the next day, which consists of shopping with my friend from Bulgaria, Tatyana, and then coming home for a poker tournament. I get on the bus and Tatyana is there, and I am really excited to see her. She is this cute little 5'5" skinny pale white girl with very Russian looking facial features and dyed dark brown hair. I tell her that my date is going to be Saturday and that I am so excited. She is at a loss for words because she has no idea what a woman would like to see another woman in.

We get to the shopping plaza, and she is starving, so we head to a Mexican restaurant, where they are serving $3.00 margaritas, and I order one since I am now 21 and I can. I must say that I had no idea you were supposed to order a flavour with them, because mine was seriously SALTY and GROSS! It was pretty funny actually. The waiter thought we were on a date, which is what usually happens when I go out to eat with my lady friends. I am totally tom-boyish with girly long hair, and they are always completely femme and straight but get mistaken for being my gf.

Anyway, after lunch, we end up going shopping and I find this awesome Fox Racing flannel shirt in Pacsun. I decided I HAD to have it! Even though it was I believe $40.00, it was way too cute not to purchase. However, its one of those flannel type shirts that is meant to be worn open, so basically we went on a mission to find me a shirt to wear under it, and seriously, there was NOTHING! I ended up settling on a teal colored shirt that went with one of the colors in the flannel shirt, but when I got it home and got my sisters opinion, she said it didn't go well and to wear a black tank top under it. I was reluctant to wear the black tank top under it because I had a mosquito bite from camping on my upper chest, but I agreed anyway because she was right, the teal shirt just didn't go!

I got home in time to play poker, and I drank a Budweiser, which was okay but caused me to be tipsy and have impaired judgement during poker! Not to mention that my mom, the wine steward, kept handing me glass after glass of wine and asking for my opinion on each one. Not that I minded, but at the same time, I really tried to focus on the game. I ended up losing two hands and stopped playing.

My sister Jennifer and her friend Jessica however, kept on drinking mimosas and eventually got really giggly. Jenny was like "My eyes are in front of my head!" and Jessica was like "Try texting..." it was hilarious! Jenny ended up spilling cake on Jessica and they both just laughed and laughed about it.

My brother got so plastered he puked everywhere! It was horrible. He kept on just downing drink after drink and trying to be cool and he ended up totally looking like a fool. He was the prime example of how NOT to drink!

I went to bed after that, and I ended up getting up and getting ready for my date Saturday, with a very sweet girl who I will not name the name. It was a lot of fun, but sadly, we didn't have any romantic moments. It consisted of us just hanging out at her aunt's house and watching their dogs and cats as well as episodes of "The L Word". It was pretty fun, but very friendly and not so much a date as I was expecting.

The two dogs are small, like Pomeranian sized, and they both only have three legs. I am not a huge dog person, but dogs are fine with me. Basically we just sat there and watched the movies, and the dogs were always between us, so we couldn't get physically close or anything. I laughed a lot both at TLW and at the comedy show she brought which I forgot the name of. It was a lot of fun and I really had a good time. She is totally sweet and I look forward to getting to know her better. I am so glad we met!

That night, I found out that my computer was completely broken, which broke my heart! I love my computer a lot...too much...and basically I now definitely need a new one! So, in around two weeks, I should be getting one!

Sunday was the hardest day for me because my best friend from high school, Nino, is getting married, and we planned to have dinner and hang out together on Sunday. Basically, she told me to meet her at our old high school and we would leave from there. I got ready and I was expecting one of my siblings or parents to want to drive me there, but all of them were lazy asses and wouldn't, so I had to walk. As I am walking, the bus starts to drive by, so I book it and make it to the bus stop right in time!

Now, I get to the school like a half hour early, and the school is right across the street from a cemetery, so I take a long walk through there and just enjoy it. I know, its creepy, but at the same time, it was very nice and relaxing. I thought about all the people that were buried there, their lives, their families, all of it. While its sad that life has to end at all, it is the one thing that we are guaranteed: we will live and we will die.

Nino calls me and I meet her at the school and we head to dinner, which is this Chinese restaurant. Nino is gorgeous both physically as well as mentally. Physically: Marina from "The L Word", mentally, she is PERFECT! I cannot find a flaw and while its hard not to be jealous of her, I have never been jealous of her because she is just so awesome to be around! Its so hard not to fall in love with her because she is positive all the time and just oh so sweet...She is never negative and she loves all things. How can one not love her? The waiter compliments us on being "such a lovely couple" and we both just nod and say thank you. She whispers to me "why does everyone think when two girls hang out they are dating in America?" She is from the country of Georgia, which is in the former USSR, and its abnormal there for girls to date ever(marriage is even basically arranged between straight couples...imagine what a gay couple would be thought of as!). I have not told her about my orientation yet for just that reason...

We begin talking and she tells me all about her fiancee and we start talking about sex and all that because she has no idea what she is expected to do on her wedding night and all that. She is so innocent and I explain what I know to her. Now mind you we are both "technically" virgins, but I have had quite a bit of experience with guys, sadly! She asks me all sorts of questions and I answer them to the best of my ability, and she turns bright red a lot because this is not normal for her to discuss this. We get our food and then we head to this cute little British store across the street, where she looks at cute China and talks about how she can't wait to be married and decorate her kitchen. I cannot believe she is getting married! I watch her a lot, thinking how adorable she is and how wonderful she is and how blessed I am to have her for a friend. We were best friends all throughout high school.

I remember when I first met her, she was someone that no one else wanted to be friends with because she was new and didn't know English, but I wanted to be her friend really badly. She had a brother, David, and I believe to this very day that he is the only guy I ever had a true crush on. We all hung out, David, Nino, Jeff, Sidney, and me. Nino ended up dating Jeff, Sidney liked Nino, and I basically was confused as to if I wanted David or not. lol. Society told me yes, so I just played along. That was high school.

After high school, Nino ended up going to the University of Washington and I ended up going to LWTC and we rarely hung out, only like 2-4 times a year tops, but I would never forget our high school years together. We went shopping, to the cinema, studied for exams, cheated a bit on exams, laughed at boys, partied, we did it all! We were a fun group.

Sidney died in a motorcycle accident in February, and Nino and I were both really crushed about it. He was a good friend of ours and he will be missed dearly. He always did have a crush on Nino, but who didn't? She is impossible not to fall in love with.

After shopping at the British store, we ended up going to coffee at Tully's and we talked for a few more hours, talk mostly consisting of her fiancee and how excited she is. She really wants to get pregnant early on, so there was a lot of talk about that as well. When she dropped me off at home, that was when I got really emotional. I almost never do, but when it comes to Nino, I am very protective...She is one of the best friends I have ever had. We have been to Hell and back together and not once have we ever had a true fight. We have agreed to disagree and all, but never ever been really mad at each other. She hugged me tightly and told me she would be back in town in January. We agreed to call each other, write, send e-mails and Skype, but it just wouldn't be the same anymore. Before, we were 20minutes away from each other, now, we were going to be 20HOURS away from each other! I couldn't believe it. Before my eyes, my sweet, innocent Nino had turned into a lovely woman who was going to be married and having children soon! WOW! I was in shock.

I thought back to the days when we would sit in her car and dance to music and laugh because we looked ridiculous but at the same time, we had a ton of fun! I thought back to the moment when I first saw her sitting outside of Mr. Noon's history class and starring into outer space. All she knew in the way of English was one word: "yes". Everything she said to me was a "yes". I remembered back to seeing her every day and how I felt about her; had I ever been in love with her like everyone else had? I think the answer was a simple one: yes, but it was different. We called each other sister and acted like it for sure, and while she has this amazing scent about her and I love the way she walks and talks, I did have what a psychiatrist calls a "girl-crush". However, its not what your all thinking. She is that girl that I wanted to be just like, the girl that taught me how to be a girl. She was the girl that I learned how to apply make up by watching and who taught me how to act lady like. I wanted to be just like her, so did I ever want to marry her? Well, that has always been the joke: "we will run away together if men fail us!" but honestly, no! She requires too much attention, and that is, indeed, her one flaw.

We drove up to my house and neither of us wanted to say goodbye, but we both knew we had to. I couldn't believe how hard it was! I told her that no matter what happened, I would be there for her and she could call or write me anytime day or night. Even if she called at 3am I would answer the phone. I almost cried in the car because its such a turning point for us. I had always thought she would meet a Georgian guy here in the US, one who had immigrated here like she had, but she didn't and her plan was to move back to Georgia unless the economy got worse there...Then she would come and live here. I tell her how amazing and wonderful she is and she tells me the same, and we hug like three times and then I finally get out of the car. I am about to cry! I cannot believe she has to go and get married and leave. Why couldn't she have gotten married and stayed here? WHY?! I will honestly never know.

Well, that has been the last three days! They have been up and down, good and bad...mostly just CRAZY! Thanks for reading!

Camping!!!

Alrighty...Camping!

So, us kids, as in all three of the kids in my family, my dads best friends daughter Jessica, my sisters friend from work Lyle, our friend from Oregon Bryan, and my brothers girlfriend Brittany all wanted to go camping. My sister found a place at this camp site called "Gold Basin" which is up in the mountains, and we drove up there. From my house, its about two hours or so. It was a nice easy drive on highway nine. The Sheriff however stopped us and asked us if we needed to know of a good campsite. We told him we knew where we were going, but they are pretty good about checking up on campers and stuff, especially a car full of 18 and 21 year olds "looking for trouble". LOL.

We drove through the little town of Granite Falls, and it looks like something out of a horror film. Its so small and perfect, you have to wonder...Its has one little store, a few small mom and pop diners, but nothing too fancy or anything. I loved it, but my siblings were like "BORING!"

Anyway, we get there, and we set up camp and all of us girls need to go to the bathroom. Now, my sister has insisted on "roughing it," which means no showers even though there are showers there! I was pissed when I found this out because she insisted that there was "no running water!" Ahhhhh! I get pimples already, so I really wanted to wash my face and since she told me that, I didn't bring my face wash because I didn't think I could wash my face.

So anyways, back to the bathroom...We ended up going to the bathroom, which is this nasty vaulted toilet that has spiders and bugs and stuff all over, and my brother's girlfriend Brittany begins screaming. She is like "I don't wanna go..." and gets this total look of horror on her face. My sister is like "I will go first." So she steps in to go and cleans the toilet and all for the next person, who is Jessica. And then Brittany goes after Jess. I just went because I wanted to see if there were sinks and stuff, which there were not. The showers were in a different area. Anyway, Brittany is like "What if a hand comes out and tries to grab me? Where is the water? There is no water in that poty!" and we are like "JUST GO!" So she did and we were all like "that wasn't so bad was it?" Haha!

We headed back to camp and everyone is like "well, what do we do?" so we get out hot dogs and turkey dogs and we roast them over the fire for dinner. Then, we set up the game "Apples to Apples". Now, for those of you that don't know how to play, there are many cards with many random words and people involved. Basically, my brothers girlfriend got "Joan of Arc", and she was like "Who is Joan of Arc? Was it Noah's wife?" And she had this blank look on her face and we all just busted up laughing. Lyle, who is serious almost all the time, was like "Seriously?!" Haha! It was the funniest moment ever! She is sooooooo funny!

Lyle, who basically looks like a darker haired version of Shaggy from Scooby-doo, is pretty forward and serious most of the trip. He always stretches out his words and says things like "liiiiiikkkkeeeee" and stuff. Its pretty funny and my siblings thought he and I would be a good couple. We both had our mp3 players with us most of the trip. lol. No, I did not agree about us being a good couple. He is like the male version of me in some ways, and in others we are total opposites. Not only that, he is boring...lol. Oh! And he loves Rubix cubes, he brought one and and he is MALE...I don't want him for all of those reasons. Haha!

Bryan is hearing impaired and the kid is just amazing! He has been through hell his whole life. He was born with kidney failure, given a very short amount of time to live and overcame all the odds. He is now 18 and living with a donated kidney from his mom. He is on pills that have made him deaf, but he can hear partially with his hearing aids in. He has black hair, glasses and is about 5'10" or so.

My sister Jen is basically the average girl in every way. She has dark brown hair, is 5'8", medium build, medium skin tone...average!

My brother Chad is like the perfect looking guy in a lot of ways. He has sandy blond hair, blue-green eyes, very muscular upper body, 6'0", and medium build. His skin is milky white though and he doesn't really tan.

His girlfriend is Brittany and she is as skinny as a stick. I saw her eat for the first time EVER while camping! I was amazed. She ate a pancake! WOAH! lol. She is about 5'5" or 5'6" with light brown hair and eyes. She has a twin and they are both on dance team at school. Both of them are really stupid! Like...SERIOUSLY!

Jessica has a very round head and wears glasses sometimes and contacts others. Her mom is my moms friend who ran off with the woman after being married to a man for 20 years...Yeah! Poor girls has become depressed after everything. She is a very sweet girl, innocent in a lot of ways and average like my sister except for a bit shorter, like 5'4" or so and with lighter hair. Jessica missed her boyfriend a LOT this weekend and talked about him quite a bit. She also said how she hates her mom and how I talk to her mom more than she does so...Yeah! I feel really bad for her!

We ended up going to bed shortly after the game, and my brother and his girlfriend had their own tent while the rest of us had a different one. My brothers friend Bryan snores so loudly! It was crazy and we all couldn't get to sleep. We talked all night about random stuff, like sex and all. It was awkward because I am gay and felt like I couldn't really answer all of Lyle's questions. Bryan fell asleep right away because he is hearing impaired and had his hearing aids out. When the topic came up "why do guys like it so much when two girls kiss?" I so wanted to answer that "its hot!" but I didn't. That would have outed me so badly. lol. Lyle said that its because there is no man involved, so it is simply pleasing to the male mind. He analyzises everything...Which is good I guess! haha!

My brother and his girlfriend giggled all night and we could hear them! Ewwwww! It was soooo gross! But whatever...As long as she isn't pregnant everything is good. lol.

The next day, I woke up really early as did Bryan, way before everyone else, and we ended up making pancakes for breakfast. Now, I will tell you one bad thing about camping is BUGS! And once you have food out, bugs come out like there is no other and it is gross! Now, combine bugs and my brothers gf, who is terrified of most things, and you get the funniest reacations ever. She was running away from them, then we got her a fly swatter and she was killing them, then she held onto my brother and shouted at him to kill them...It was soooo funny! She would kill one and my brother would shout "great job baby!"

We ended up going down to the river, which is not too shallow and not too deep, and I ended up getting stuck watching the stuff while they all hiked down the river and tried to find a place to cross to the other side. I was like "Gee...Thanks!" lol. I actually soaked up some sun while I was there and just enjoyed the good green earth. You have to wonder who or what made it all...I also took in the smell of the campfires burning, the smell of the water and I listened to it flowing. It was a beautiful and very peaceful experience. I highly recommend it.

Bryan came back early because he had to go to the bathroom, and we ended up getting out these super soak balls and when the rest of the group got back, we had a fight with them. We ended up giving the balls to these kids who would be camping there all week because we knew we wouldn't be able to take them back with us because they would be all wet for the duration of the trip. I ended up getting my shoes wet and I didn't have an extra pair, so I had to use Jessica's since we wear almost the same size. She is like 1/2 a size up from me.

We went into town after that and we finally got cell phone reception, which was big for all of us. We got firewood and I ended up getting my bro some cigs because he was dying from lack of...haha! There were also some adorable puppies at this little pet store, and we all played with them. Leave it to puppies to melt a bunch of girls hearts. Yep! The girl that was working there was 13 and I could tell she was a mini-lezzie. She had on all soccer gear and her hair pulled back and she didn't bother to check out my brother like most girls 13-20 usually do, she actually looked at me quite a bit, which was funny and nice at the same time. We went to this random house to get firewood, and this very rugged looking man came out of it, and he looked like a murderer, but he was actually very nice and loaded our car with a lot of pine and oak wood for the campfire. It was cheap, like $10.00 or so for a LOT of wood.

We got back to camp and we ended up roasting marshemellows and making smores after dinner. My brother and his girlfriend went to bed early...right! Haha! We could hear them giggling...AGAIN! You would think they would at least try to hide it!

We played Apples To Apples AGAIN and we ended up all tying...It was funny! Then, we all went to bed and I ended up reading "ghost stories" from my iPod. Then, my sister started songs from our childhood, like NSYNC, Backstreet Boys and LFO and we all sang along. It was awesome!

I woke up early that morning, like 7am, and the lighter to light the campfire wasn't working, and it made me MAD! I was like "how am I supposed to light the fire?" so I walked around camp whistling, and there were these two cool birds, blue jays, (which are these cool bigger blue birds with black heads) and they were flying close to my camp and I was just watching them. I danced around while no one was watching and this little black and white finch flew around by me...He was adorable! I called him my pet. He let me get really close to him. (finches are very small black and white birds and they are often very friendly with humans since they are too small to be hunted and used for food and people often keep them for pets)

I went down to the river because I was bored and we left our football down there the day before, so I ended up getting that and talking to some other campers about the hiking trails in the area. Apparently the ice caves that my sister had wanted to go to had the bridge to them washed out early on in the year and you cant access them, so we ended up packing up camp, making sandwiches, and heading to a different spot along the river.

Now mind you I am stuck in the far back of the car since I am the smallest in the bunch. I am only 5'2" tall and everyone else is way taller than I am. Its very squshed back there! lol.

We end up getting there, and my stomach hurts badly. I forgot to leave my mp3 player in the car, and I am scared to get it wet, but everyone wants to hike down the river more. We get all the way down there, I am doing okay, and then, I slip and fall into the water, freak out, worry about my iPod iTouch and get upset about the fact that I fell and no one else did. The group kinda laughs about it, but I can't just then. Now that I look back, it was a bit funny. I got soaked pretty good by the current. My brother helped me get back, all the while lecturing me in the way that he tends to when he feels I have done something stupid. "You should have been stepping like this..." he makes me watch him step on the rocks a special way and I say "Okay thanks..." over and over. He is such a smart ass!

I had to change into some of my dry clothes, and the bathroom had tons of spiders in it. It also smelled like piss and crap and I really didn't want to be in there, but I dealt with it. Why? Because I didn't want to sit in the car for 2 or so hours in soaking wet clothing! (had my sister told me we would be by a river, I would have brought my swim suit and just worn that the whole trip...had she mentioned that the campsite would have a shower, I would have brought shower stuff...her idea of "roughing it" involves no swimming or showering!)

We got home right on time and I got in the shower and took a nap, and once I woke up, everything good that could have happened happened! =) Yay! Thats it!!! Hope you enjoyed.

Awesome Uncle...Awesome Dinner...Awesome Day!

Today my gay uncle Andre came to town from Fresno with his dad Larry. They are related to my mom by my grandma's third husband who was Larry. lol. My moms mom was married seven, yes, you heard correctly SEVEN times! It was an amazing evening. It started off with me getting myself foofed up for them to come, and I mean foofed! My sister did my hair and my mom wanted to "help" me with my makeup and I put on a dress and by the time they got here, I looked good! Woohoo! He brought his dog, a beautiful Grey Hound who is brown and her name is Ginger. She is his baby. She is nine years old and she is all skin and bones. Its funny, we have the bunny and she was eyeing him and he would see her and hop away and she would just stand there watching him. She is such a good dog!

Larry looks like Colonal Sanders from Kentucky Fried Chicken only without the beard. EXACTLY! He is very nice and has a good story telling way about him. He and Andre are driving across the USA and they are almost done. They started in New York and have gone through quite a few states. One of the stories they told was about how a tornado almost came and got them in Iowa! Haha!

Andre is flaming gay and dresses and acts it. He has very blue eyes, a clean shaven face, is normal height and build and has short blonde hair. He is very fun and funny. My mom and him talked all night about the past, going over pictures and remembering trips and activities from their childhood. They were siblings from grades 3 to 6 and then Andre came to live with my mom and Grandma again when he was in high school. My mom also has another brother, Rick, who didn't come to visit.

My mom worked it so we got free wine and dessert at this Italian restaurant not too far away, and it was amazing! We walk in and its nothing too extravagant, just a simple little place. But then, when they hear who my mother is, being a wine steward and all, the chef, who is also the owner, comes out and talks to us and he is so very sweet! He and his wife have been running the place forever and they are from Austria. Their sons are the waiters. Its a very family owned business. Our waiter is a bit droll and could have been nicer, but perhaps he was having a bad day? Who knows?

I had to break my diet, sadly...I have been not eating any beef or pork, but today everything had pork or beef! EVERYTHING! I couldn't eat much of the food that came because it was loaded with it and I was not happy! After around a week without it, my body was not liking trying to process it and I felt bloated fast. It didn't help that they gave us tons of desserts and wines, care of my mothers job.

The bill was $500 and my uncle got it! He is so awesome! I feel like I have known him forever, he has this quality about him. LOL. I can't really describe it, but he really does! We both like red wines more than whites and we both love to talk, so I do see us getting close, especially when I come out. He might be one of the first people I tell within my family. =)

My family friend Bryan is in town from Oregon. He is partially deaf, so we are going to be shouting quite a bit at him while he is here, but its ok, we get used to it fast! He is a sweet kid and it is funny to see him all grown up now. When we were kids, our moms were like sisters! His parents and little brother Alex will be in town next week.

Alex is a character! The last time I saw him, he had two REALLY funny moments. The first was when all of us ladies and Alex were driving up to get Krispy Kremes, which is like an hour away from us. Alex was surrounded by girls, and he was like "Mom...mom...My peepee!" At least we know he is straight! Haha!

Another time, my sister was putting up the poster for "Into The Blue" on the wall in her room. It has Jessica Alba looking hot in a bikini and oh yeah...Paul Walker. Well, Alex walks in and goes "Who are they?" and my sister says "Paul Walker and Jessica Alba. Who do you think is hotter?" And Alex looks and goes "Her!" And points to Jessica Alba. My sister goes "Why her?" And Alex goes "Because she has those!" and points to her boobs. It was amazing! He is sooooooo funny! I can't wait to see him again. Love that kid!

Well, that's all for now!

Coworkers...Bosses...etc.

I have two bosses at the bookstore: Chris and Greg. Here are their descriptions.

Chris:
He looks like a pirate. He has both his ears pierced, is about 5'9", wears black pants which are pretty tight with a nice buttoned up shirt every day and these pirate style boots too! However, his face is always clean shaven and his hair is always slicked back. He has almond colored hair and very deep beady brown eyes. His is the most relaxed person ever. Its really funny how relaxed he is. If it were just him taking care of the store, I would probably just sit around reading magazines all day and ringing people up because he just doesn't really think about all the stuff that needs to get done. I am one of those strange people that always asks for more work to do and stuff and my bosses are usually like "wow! you finished that already! nice!" haha! I love keeping busy.

Greg:

Greg is like a grandfather out of a childrens' book. He is tall, around 6'2" and he has white hair and a white beard and mustache. He has glasses and is fairly thin. He always wears a nice button up shirt with a tie and black pants. His voice is very nice and calm. He cares too much. He and Chris balance each other out at the store. While Chris doesn't really care, Greg cares a lot! He had me tag EVERYTHING in the store one day. It was like "But there is already a tag!" and he was like "We need to update everything! We are being audited and secret shopped this week!" So I did. Chris laughed the whole time. It was very stressful, and then this annoying girl named Sara came in and distracted me and gave me a headache! She always has stupid questions and her voice is annoying...Very squeaky! lol. We keep telling her that the books she wants are not in yet, but she doesn't seem to understand that, so she comes in a LOT!

Another co-worker of mine is Bev. She has hair that is very dyed, and its really hard to explain, but its really short; almost grandma style. She always wears really long dark colored skirts. She looks sad all the time and you will rarely see her smile. She seems like one of those people that just needs a good romance and she will blossom and be all happy and gushy! I know she has a daughter who she likes to go and visit, so I guess that says that she did have at least one romance at some point, but it has probably ended. =( I feel bad for her.

My boss as a secretary, Sheila, is a very sweet woman who is bigger, but not too huge, and she is very sweet but also very bad at time management. Often, I catch her standing around at the coffee stand downstairs socializing. I have to wonder if that is part of her job or not, but since she is my boss, I never say anything. She is a very funny and kind person and I am glad she is my boss. Better physical description: Caucasian, 35 or so, light brown hair always in a ponytail, 200lbs, 5'7" or so, no kids.

I also work with a few other people in that office. There is the ASG Finance Officer, Wei, who is from China. She is 18, loud, and also very funny. She is thin as a pole and eats all day! Its not fair! She took me out to Pho Soup and I couldn't eat all my soup, but she ate all of hers! It was like "how are you so thin?!" lol.

There is the Public Relations Officer, Sasha, who is from Russia. Half the time she doesn't understand what anyone is talking about, but she does her very best. She is tall, like 5'7" or so, with blonde hair and very cute features. She looks very Russian for sure. Like how you imagine a typical Russian woman to look. Thin, tall, sweet, and she is so funny! Poor woman has had a string of bad luck. She got married and pregnant young, divorced young and now has a 13 year old and no husband and hardly any income. But she always makes ends meet! I admire her for that. lol.

Next there is Matt, the Vice President, who is this bald medium height and build white dude who is middle aged, married and has kids. He keeps to himself mostly and that is about all there is to say about him.

The President is Aaron, and he is very much a redneck. He seems dumb at first, but he is actually very smart and full of good ideas once you get him talking. He loves Nascar. He is about 6'0" and he has reddish hair, glasses and a mustache and beard. He is thin and always wears jeans and a shirt. He asked out Sasha and she said no. Haha!

Basically, those are my co-workers! =) Very nice bunch!!!

Reflecting on Life...

Life is one big mystery and adventure and we all end up in different places and spots at different times. Often, we wonder why we made that choice or decision, but looking back, most people wouldn't change anything for the world. You see, each "mistake" is actually a learning lesson. I have learned from every action in life. Each moment spent wishing I could go back is just silly because the reality is that obviously something good came from it. I am who I am because _________ happened. I met ___________ because that fateful day I chose to _____________ and we found each other. Each and every action has led me to this point, so regrets are not necessary. And when I get mad at myself, I simply remember that all is well and good and all past regrets and decisions should be forgotten and one should move forward. There is no use in being mad at yourself or anyone else. Sure, you don't want to make the same bad decision twice, but why be angry and upset at all? Stay positive, keep smiling, and one day, when you least expect it, you will catch someones eye...and they will be PERFECT for you!

A realization...

The more that I think about it, the more that I realize that I will always be "one of the guys". No matter how hard I try to be bisexual and fit in with the crowd of straight girls that has always surrounded me, I am just not one of them. Sure, the occasional eye-liner and the bit of makeup that I do wear make me a girl, along with the physical parts that nature gave me...lol. But when it comes down to it, I am the girl that all the guys go to and they are like "my girlfriend...I just don't know what to do..." And they cry, and they hug me and then they pat me on the back and tell me I am a good friend, one of their best even and blah blah and then its back to their gf and I am left standing there feeling like "what just happened?"

Society would tell me that I should try to be more femme, to try to be everything that the guy wants me to be, but then I wouldn't be being myself; I would be being everything I am not. I have a style that is right in-between tom-boy and femme, and I like it that way. I like earrings and jeans and a t-shirt on a normal day. Sometimes I wear a hat and scarf or just one or the other. I like my converse and I don't really care what the guys think of me anymore. Sure, it is flattereing when they do like me, but at this point, I am looking for a gf...If a guy comes along and he is someone of interest, I will let him take me out on a date and we will see if it goes anywhere, but chances are, its not going anywhere. I will probably hold the door too much for his liking, I will most likely flirt with the hot waitress a bit too much and he will probably be thinking "what did I ever see in her?" by the end of the date. And while that SHOULD bother me, the funny thing is that it totally doesn't. And while you the reader are probably sitting there going "why would she even bother going on a date with a dude?" the honest to God truth is a simple one: its because I don't ever not want to give someone a chance! I have been rejected so many times by both genders, but mostly men, and it hurts like hell! I don't ever want to make anyone feel like that, unless they are crazy or something. I had that happen once...Told him I was seeing someone and my straight female friend pretended to be my gf. We just stood there holding hands until he got the message and left. That was the one and only time I said "NO!" in such a way that it got a point across to someone.

What it comes down to is the fact that I wonder if this can be attributed to my gayness/bisexuality. I don't know what to call it. My openness to both perhaps? I mean, the fact that I am every guys best friend pushes me right into the arms of women. Had guys been with me like they are with my hot younger sister Jennifer, drooling and going "ohhh...ahhh!" all the time, things would quite possibly be different. I might be more straight, or at least more of a 50/50 instead of a 70/30. lol. I would actually WANT to get up and do makeup rather then getting up and not caring at all about my face. Why? Because I know they would look. But when I wear makeup now, no matter how much I wear, guys still don't notice. The only one that has ever been like "its ok if a girl doesn't wear makeup, in fact, its kinda hot..." is Lyle, and I don't know whats going to happen with him. Would I like a date? Yes! Will I probably get stuck in the 'friend zone' forever with him? YES!

So, as I sit here and think about one of the many factors attributing to my feelings towards women, I suddenly understand men a bit more than I did before. They are very visual creatures, and if you are not appealing to them physically...Well...Have fun being the "best friend". It doesn't matter how kind your heart is or how sweet you are, you will always be in the 'friend zone' unless you suddenly turn HOT over night and then you get to move up a space and into the "hot zone". It's quite shallow isn't it? Perhpas that is why I have stopped being attracted to about 70% or more of the male population. I mean, I really only look at the inside of a person. Granted one must also be physically attracted to someone or the sex is going to be bad, but otherwise, it is indeed mostly about the personality! So, here are the basics I have come up with about STRAIGHT men!

The basics of MOST STRAIGHT men:

#1) If they are freaking out for any reason, give them a beer and everything will be fine!
#2) If you have nice breasts, a nice ass, or a nice face, then you are HOT and have entered the "hot zone". If you have ALL of the above, then you have entered the "goddess zone."
#3) If you like sports but are just casual, as in you like jeans and a t-shirt and very rarely wear makeup, then you are their best friend and will always be in the "friend zone" unless you step it up a notch and start to become girlie and dress feminine.
#4) The whole "damsel in distress" faze has passed and men couldn't care less if you need their help or not most days. "Fix it yourself woman!" seems to be the new motto of most men! Sadly...
#5) If a guy wants to go dutch on a date, he really isn't that into you. If he pays, he wants to get laid or at least get a make-out session.
#6) Men have three brains, one located in their head, and its about the size of an almond, and two located just below the waist. Two will always overpower one...ALWAYS! Just keep that in mind at all times!
#7) Men are babies. Even the smallest amount of pain will cause them to at least whimper and whine. Why? I have no idea. I guess that is why women give birth and men don't!
#8) You can always boss a man around...ALWAYS! Just threaten to hide the remote/take away video games, not give him any, hide his beer or all of the above and he will do just about anything you say.
#9) If he doesn't have a job, RUN! If he doesn't have a job and lives with his parents, RUN EVEN FASTER!
#10) If you want ANYTHING from your guy, all you have to do is stand in front of the TV while he is watching sports and say "honey, I need money right now an d I am not moving until I get some!" and he will be like "fine!" and give you whatever amount you want. Why? Because men like sports and sports are more important than anything in the world...SERIOUSLY!

Yep! And those generalizations are accurate about 90% of the time. The 10% of guys that don't fall into that catagory fall into the gamer/geek/nerd catagory! They are kind and sincere and sweet and smart, but they are what the girls in the "friend zone" are to the 90% of straight men...FRIENDS! Straight girls will go to them for advice and tell them how kind and how sweet they are and then its "your like a brother to me! thank you so much for the advice!" So...Its a two way street in its own right I guess!

I hope you enjoyed that. Don't go all insane on me about making generalizations...You KNOW I AM RIGHT...

Life As Of Late...

Well, I want to first start by saying that life is crazy right now! It truly is...I don't know how else to explain it. Basically this blog is going to sum it all up!

I have been going to work at the bookstore at school and juggling my job at the ASG along with it. Its been hectic. At the bookstore, we get a lot of funny customers. Here are some of them that I have given nicknames to in my head. lol. Yes, I keep the nicnames in my head.

Funny Lil Indian Gal - She is probably like 25 or so, just got married, and she always looks at me like she just wants to eat me up! I don't know why...She smiles really big and then is like "How are you today?" and she says it kinda sexy, its really funny! NO...I do not have a crush on her...She is MARRIED...lol. But is it funny? Yes! She came in looking of for a tampon this morning and was really scared to ask one of the male clerks, so she found me and was like "Do you have ummm..." and then began whispering "tampons". Sooooo funny! She has HUGE brown eyes and glasses, but she is def. physically cute and I told her I would babysit her kids for free when she has them. She was like "Don't rush me, I just got married and that was a HUGE step!" and she giggled, then looked at me all funny and I smiled back at her. Once when I was off the clock, and she was drinking at the water fountain, I walked over and was like "hey! how are you doing?" and she was like "Good. Do you like me?" And I was like "I think your interesting and we should talk over lunch sometime!" and she laughed and said "Why not?!" And smiled big. I don't know! I see a potential really good friendship.

Egyptian Pop-tart Girl - So there is a girl who attends the morning ESL (English Second Language) classes, and she wears her full Hijab, and every morning, she gets pop tarts. I asked her "Do you like pop-tarts?" and she nodded and quietly said "yes." and she was blushing. So then I asked her, I was like "are you from Egypt?" and her eyes lit up and she said "yes!" and I was like "Very nice. I have a friend from there. Do you miss it?" and she was like. "I am new to English...I am sorry..." And she spoke so quietly, so I just smiled and finished ringing her up. She had a great smile, and I really want to get to know her better. She looked like she wanted to throw off her Hijab and go running, but something was holding her back, and that's okay. With or without the Hijab, she still is my Egyptian Pop-tart, and I like talking to her so that she can practice her English. God only knows that the professors don't practice enough with the students! I hope I eventually find out her name and get to talk to her more. Sadly, like most ESL students who are not from Mexico, she will probably end up working at the family restaurant and never finish her English learning. I hope she comes back in Fall.

Napoleon Dynamite - So there is this geeky guy in the automotive department who comes in every morning and gets Gatorade and a granola bar, and he looks just like Napoleon D. Its crazy! He even talks like him and tries to be cool. Today, he wore army pants and red riding boots. I was like "WTF?!" But I said nothing and just smiled and did my job. Its so funny! He even has big 80s glasses. But being the romantic that I am, I hope he finds a geeky girl who loves him and completes him! She is out there, and they will have geeky little kids and yeah!

Cute Barista - I have sadly already forgotten her name (I think its Lauren...), but the barista is so cute and I was like "yeah, I am kinda flaming...well...bi but...yeah!" and she opened up to me so much once I told her that. For the life of me I wish I had remembered her name...I will let you all know when I remember it! I told her that the benefit to liking women was that they got to know YOU and look into your eyes and not at your breasts all the time! She laughed and then we joked about how men also love asses and they check them out frequently. It was funny. She is totally sweet and I think she is bi or gay. I don't know if I consider myself gay or bi or what...70/30. 70 percent gay and 30 percent straight! Hehe!!! Perfect!!!

Christina Cop - The school security guard, whose name is Christina, is hilarious! She is buff but short and always wears her hair in a scrunchy. Its a frizzy mess, so I totally understand that. She has HUGE glasses...I think she is the only person I have met with worse eyesight than myself. Anyways, she has the craziest stories! Today she was going on and on about how her boyfriend lost their tickets to a carnival, and he had left them on the fridge...but not just any fridge...the WORK fridge! lol. Another time, she told me how she got home from work one day, and her now ex boyfriend was in bed with another guy. My only response was "and you see why I don't really date men anymore!" She had to laugh at that. Yep! She is a character. I will keep you guys posted on her!

The Dragon - There is this lady, I don't recall her name either, I think it is Sherri or something, but she smokes like a chimney and she smells like an ash tray. She is OLDER, like 50 or so, and we all call her "the dragon" behind her back because she breathes fire when she sits down in her chair. It is horrible to sit next to her. Not only that, but she complains a lot. She comes into the store and is like "I want to watch a movie on the computer, do you know how to do that?" and I am thinking you are studying computers, how can you not know this? So I told her that you just put in the DVD and a menu pops up and lets you watch it. Then, she wanted to know if I knew any free sites because she didn't want to download it. I told her it plays from the disk, you didn't have to download it. Then she wanted to know how to burn it to other disks...AHHH!!! The whole time she smells like an ash tray. Finally, I tell her to ask the librarian and she says she will and leaves. This is normal for her. She also talks a lot about sewing and quilting and old people stuff. lol. She has a good heart though.

Crazy Cheque Lady - Every day the same lady comes in and writes a cheque. For the life of me, I still don't know her name and it is written on her cheques! She works at the school and she is older. She is sweet though. She has some funny stories. Once, I told her about how I tried to paint my own nails when I was in 9th grade and it looked like I was bleeding, and she told me about how when she was in 6th grade, the girls sat down with the lady teachers and had "the talk" about sex and periods. And that day, she had been out on the playground and had skinned her thigh, and it bled through her white skirt and one of the girls said "did you start?" and she turned bright red and explained about her skinned knee. She is very funny! She kind of looks like a duck though...

Here are some more descriptions of people who come in every day. We have this couple, they are both in automotive, and they always get food. They are a cute couple! He is shorter than her, but you can just tell they adore each other. Both blond haired and blue eyed. Then there is the semi-cute guy who I can tell wants to ask me out but is scared to and every day he almost gets up the courage to, but he never does! Lol. I know this from how he pauses, looks at me, stutters, goes "yeah..." looks down and leaves the store. Then, there is yammacha boy, who is bisexual and hits on EVERYONE! (don't know if I spelled yammacha right or wrong...) We have a guy at my school who looks like the dad off of Family Guy and he talks like him too! Its really funny. He comes in fairly often, but not every day. There is the Native American boy with the sexy blue eyes and very tan skin. OMG! I could just stare into those eyes forever. lol. He always gets a cup of noodles. Every day! lol. There is Freddie, who is kind of a rocker. His mom comes to school with him because he has seizures and cannot drive, and she drives him around. He always gets Fuze drinks. He is funny and I love to joke with him. There are the usual Latino/Latinas who like to talk about the weather and how it is always changing here. One of them is a transvestite, but she dresses very nice and has a nice smile. Yep! Those are the regulars.

In other news, my moms best friend of like, 15 years or more, has just come out by leaving her husband of 20 years and running off with her gay female friend. Apparently romantic letters were found by her husband under their bed and she up and left him to go live with her lover. Its crazy! Its like "really?" But my mom freaked out and was like "I feel sick...That is so gross..." Mom wants to cut all ties and wants me to as well, but I want to stay friends with her...As long as she is happy! Should we not want whats best for our friends, and if her gf makes her happy then, well...yeah! Just as I was thinking I could POSSIBLY come out, this happens! Oh well...Its life!

I have met a guy who I think likes me and I like him back. His name is Lyle, we both have Asperger's Syndrome, and honestly, he is going to be the final guy. I am going to have my sister set us up on a date, since she and Lyle are fairly good friends, and if it works out, then great, I will keep you all posted, and if it doesn't...Well...You will all find out about that. I think he is going camping with us in two weeks, so I am pretty excited for that. =)

Well everyone, that is all I have for now. I will keep you posted on everything. Life has been crazy.

The Best Birthday Gift Ever...

So today my friend Geri picked me up on his motorcycle to go bar hopping. I must say, it was the best birthday present anyone has ever given me. Its funny how the best gifts often are not objects, but they are moments that we will remember forever. I will always remember riding on the bike today with Geri, as I will also remember A and P calling me for my b-day and my dear friend N sending me a gift on my b-day too! =)

It was fun. We went to a restaurant and bar first, and it was okay. We went to a sports bar after that, and it was cool too, and then we went to this awesome bar with a band playing called "The Wilde Rover", and it was awesome! I need to hit up clubs next!!! If I didn't have to work so much...lol. Maybe next Friday or something...

Riding on the back of the motorcycle was amazing! I held on for dear life at first, but I relaxed quickly. The feeling of the wind going against you as the bike speeds up, the smell of his leather jacket, the ride itself, it was absolutely perfect!!! You feel so free sitting there, and its like you can do anything. I have ridden twice before, once on my uncle's Harley and another time on the guy from down the streets Honda. This was a Tiger that Geri had today.

I got a bit buzzed after two beers, but I did good at not getting drunk. The band playing was good as well. Geri and I talked a lot, and we needed to catch up. Its been awhile since we talked. He is bi and currently looking. Anyone interested? He has a motorcycle!!! Haha!

I checked out the Indian lady playing pool at the sports bar and Geri was like "you do have one weakness don't you?" haha! Yes I do!!! lol.

I got carded EVERYWHERE because I am newly 21 and I look 12. Haha! Well, next time, to the clubs!!! Oh, I tried Karaoke on Thursday, and it was fun!!! I will def. be back to that.