Funny day...

Most mornings I hate getting up, I mean, come on! I am your typical queer 21 year old female. The things on my mind consist of women...sleep...women...sex...etc. You get the picture! Anyway...My alarm went off and I was like "No...Noooooooo....Its too early!" But it wasn't...My meeting was going to start in an hour and if I didn't get ready fast, I was going to miss it.

I crawled out of bed and grabbed the first outfit I could locate, jeans and a bright red polo, dressed, and then proceded into the bathroom to do something with my insanely messy hair. NOW...Being that I have always had Dana Fairbanks like hair, I threw it into the sporty ponytail and did as little makeup as possible. Blah blah and I was off to the bus stop.

By the time my third meeting rolls around, I am running on three cups of coffee and what little food I can afford in this WONDERFUL recession. I walk into the office and see this attractive as all hell female joining my co-worker Morgan..."This is my sister Kaitlin!" She introduces me.

"H-Hi!" Oh God...I must have sounded like the BIGGEST idiot and looked like one too, but DAMN! Morgan is like the most butch female ever however she is totally straight...Its strange!

Wei, my co-worker from China looks at the sisters and says what everyone is thinking: "She is your sister Morgan?" Wei asks.

"Yup!" Morgan replied proudly.

"Wow...She is so much prettier than you!" Wei stated seriously. We all burst out laughing and laughing. Wei then proceeded to defend herself: "No...Morgan is just so...Manly and her sister is so...Girl..." By this point Wei didn't know what else to say so she just walked away, her face a bright shade of red.

So my friend Michael, who has never chaired a meeting in his life, was asked to chair a meeting today. Most of the people attending were there only because well, the committee really has no official members...so we just attended. It was hilarious as we all went off on tangents about what we were supposed to be discussing and by the time we were supposed to be done, we just kept going and going...It was almost two hours of INSANITY! Matt, one of our co-workers, came in with a long stretchy sticky thing and started flinging it around, to which many papers started flying around the room. Now, I have just a bit of OCD, so I ended up really not liking how covered in dirt that thing was and avoided it like the plague, until everyone else playing with it got the better of me and I decided I just had to get ahold of it. Now, everyone at the office knows how much I abhor that THING...But still, I had to prove that I COULD touch it, so I took it from Matt and flug it across the table, causing everyone to laugh their asses off at me! "See, you CAN touch it!" Michael stated.

I smiled proudly...Yes...Yes I can touch some germy thingy...hahaha!

And that was my day...It was funny and crazy and yeah...lol...

More love knowledge...

Some stereotypes on love and advice as well. Also, STEREOTYPES ARE BAD...lol. But they are funny...So enjoy!

STEREOTYPES:

Love from the STRAIGHT FEMALE perspective: He is so physically attractive and he gives me just enough attention and calls just the right amount of times a day/week that I am satisfied fully. Also, his abs are fantastic and he kisses so well. Oh yeah, and the sex was nice...not just NICE, but NIIIIICEEEEE!!! I just must be in love with him. Maybe we will get married and have children together someday...

Love from the STRAIGHT MALE perspective: She is HOT...She is SEXY...The SEX was AMAZING...Did you see her LEGS? Did you see her ASS? Oh god I hope she doesn't call me because I really don't wanna ever have to THINK...I just wanna DO...You get what I am saying? I think maybe I am in love with her...no...I KNOW I am in love with her!

Love from the GAY MALE perspective: Wow! I want to stalk him so badly...Oh god! He was so dumb to have slept with me on date number (1, 2, or 3). Now I am just a bit obsessed. Maybe he will want to get together sometime this week and watch GLEE! And since I have his number, we can talk every single day of the week and maybe even have phone sex when we aren't having real sex. Oh that would be so awesome! I think I am in love with him and we have only met like 3 maybe 4 times!!!

Love from the lesbian perspective: We both like animals and the outdoors and we both dress the same way...We are just PERFECT for each other!!! Oh, have I mentioned how she loves to go and hug trees too? And we are BOTH vegan and health nuts and did I mention how neither of us ever wears makeup? Yeah! We just don't care too much about physical appearance! I am just SO IN LOVE WITH HER!!!

ADVICE TIME:

STRAIGHT FEMALES...(MALES...PAY ATTENTION):

• Attention! Yes, that is CORRECT! Call them quite frequently and also text them WHENEVER THEY TEXT YOU. Women HATE to be ignored more than anything. You ignore a woman, and she will be ROYALLY irritated.
• Don't EVER check out another girl in the presence of your current date/gf...EVER!
• Cuddle time. Most women love to cuddle...ITS A FACT! So, be prepared to hug and hold her often.
• The LITTLE things...Call her "honey" "baby" and "sweetie" often. Don't be scared to say "I love you" randomly if you have hit that point in your relationship. Compliment her often. If she is sick, bring her soup or something to help her feel better. Text her throughout the day to let her know you have missed not seeing her. Stuff like that will win a girls heart!
• SOME but not too much chivalry. Hold the door for her, its only polite! Pay for meals ALL THE TIME. Even if she is a crappy date, PAY FOR HER because you are a gentleman.
• No expectations about sex. NO expectations! When she is ready, she will give it to you. If your patient and prove to her that you can be and that its worth the wait to you, I guarantee she will love you EVEN MORE and be EVEN BETTER in bed! The guys that pressure the girls into sex get crappy sex or no sex because she probably slapped him for pressuring her!

STRAIGHT MALES (LISTEN UP STRAIGHT LADIES):

• Don't call him too much. If he has a guys day or needs a day to himself, let him be!
• Dress up whenever you are going to meet up with him. Men are very VERY physical creatures, and if you LOOK good, he will be a happy man!
• Smell good! Put on a perfume you know he loves and he will also be a very happy man.
• Don't be afraid to sit on his lap or show him affection. Most men love it. And a side note on that: gently biting the earlobe of any man will cause him to feel aroused!
• Compliment him often on how good he looks. Most men don't like to admit it, but they do take pride in their good looks!
• Let him pay...Its his job and more often than not, it makes him feel like a man to be able to take care of you.

GAY MALES:

• Compliments all the time.
• MAKE SURE THE GUY YOU ARE ASKING OUT TO COFFEE IS ACTUALLY GAY BEFORE YOU ASK HIM OUT...ALWAYS MAKE SURE...BE DIRECT IF NECESSARY!!!
• Talk about how your going to divide the bill in advance. Don't make it all on one or the other of you...
• Smell good...Its a must!
• Look good...Because ALL men are physical creatures, even gay ones!

LESBIANS (and a lot of just general things to remember...):

• Like with the gay men, bill division should be discussed in advance. I can't tell you how many dates I have gone on and I don't know if I am supposed to pay or if she is or what the deal is...Talk about it first!
• Be yourself. How do you normally dress? If you are into cross-dressing, go for it! Be more masculine if it makes you feel good or more like yourself.
• Don't look at ANY other girls while you are on your date. I know its hard, because you are currently on the market and searching...But seriously...The girl you are on the date with COULD be THE ONE.
• Don't pressure her into moving in together too soon. Yes, it WILL freak her out!
• Don't carry your dog every or take him/her on every date with you. Its annoying!
• Don't talk about ANY past relationships...Unless asked, and even then, don't get too stuck on the subject.
• When you feel comfortable, make the first move. Hug, kiss, hold hands, cuddle...if the moment is right, go for it! You will just feel it when the moment is right.
• Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy...Don't hide things or be secretive because that is how relationships end!
• Make sure she has no food allergies and is not a vegan before taking her to certain restaurants. Just check first...Had this problem before too....

ADVICE TO ALL: No expectations, no disappointments! HAVE FUN! ENJOY! GET TO KNOW PEOPLE!!! Eventually you WILL meet THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU...DO NOT RUSH THINGS...There you go! =)